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Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence
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GLP Proctologist
User ID: 169261
2/5/2008 6:47 AM
Report abusive post | Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence
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[link to knox.villagesoup.com]
Middle school issues ban on intentional flatulence
By Holly S. Anderson
CAMDEN (Feb 1): The Merriam Webster Dictionary definition for flatulence is brief: "flatus expelled through the anus." And while it's a natural bodily function, it seems some Camden-Rockport Middle School eighth-grade boys are taking it to new heights and making a game of seeing who can expel the loudest and grossest flatus.
According to this week's Fire Cracker school newsletter though, the joke's on the boys as the penalty for "intentional farting" is now a detention.
"Strange, but true, thanks to a bunch of 8th grade boys, intentional farting has been banned from CRMS," the newsletter said. "It started out as a funny joke and eventually turned into a game. This is the first rule at CRMS that prevents the use of natural bodily functions. The penalty for intentional farting is a detention, so keep it to yourself!"
According to a group of seventh-grade students milling around downtown following Friday's storm-related early release, the eighth-graders' escapades are well known in the school.
"They would do it in science class and other places," said Jordan Tyler. "It's a natural occurrence and we all do it 16 times a day."
When questioned where he learned that information, Tyler and the other students all said it was true, though they couldn't remember where they heard it.
One of the other students, Kyle Ruger, said the act by the boys was funny, but he had mixed feelings about whether it was appropriate.
Jordan Knowlton minced no words when she expressed how she felt, saying, "It's gross."
Remy LeVine said he was in the class when CRMS science teacher Brad LaRoche talked to all the eighth-grade boys about the issue, as well as the consequences.
Attempts to reach CRMS Principal Maria Libby Friday afternoon were unsuccessful and school Superintendent Patricia Hopkins said she had not heard anything about the issue or the alleged suspected result, though she did get a good chuckle out of the news. |
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Fish People
User ID: 296558
2/5/2008 6:48 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
The Fish People from Alfonseca are not physically able to fart... |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 6:48 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
Also, if you're thinking about farting, that could be construed as 'conspiracy to fart', a class 1 felony. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 6:50 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
If one does fart, but mistakenly lets loose with a 'wet one', then a 3 day suspension is likely. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 6:51 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
Girls who fart will be given a dispensation, only if the said offender is a stealth farter. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 365550
2/5/2008 6:51 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
Well, you just say it was not intentional and that you had to fart.
Its a natural unavoidable bodily function, unless you cant digest food properly or something. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 6:55 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
Penal Code #11233. Any student who intentional lights a fart will be charged with arson. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 341282
2/5/2008 6:56 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
RELEASE THE FLATUS |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 286081
2/5/2008 7:01 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
expect a back lash of Intentional farting.
does that include Fake Fart Noises with your arm?
 |
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4by2  
Forum Moderator
User ID: 74018
2/5/2008 7:11 AM
 | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
The new fart monitor's uniforms have just been approved...
:nddytst: |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 7:25 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
WHO FARTED. COME FORWARD NOW |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 184760
2/5/2008 7:31 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
If one does fart, but mistakenly lets loose with a 'wet one', then a 3 day suspension is likely. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 169261
that is termed a "shart"..and is currently not covered by the ban.
I would appeal any wrongful detention for "shartiing". |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 184760
2/5/2008 7:33 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
the road to fascism continues...as classmates turn on classmates..
"he would smelt it dealt it"
"he who revealed it dealed it"
"he who heared it smeared it"
and so on down the slippery slope we slide... |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 7:38 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
the road to fascism continues...as classmates turn on classmates..
"he would smelt it dealt it"
"he who revealed it dealed it"
"he who heared it smeared it"
and so on down the slippery slope we slide... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 184760
As Miron Shitski ONCE mused, FART FOR FREEDOM, AND FART LOUDLY. |
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phluup
User ID: 336011
2/5/2008 7:46 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
does the burden of proof lay with the farter or the fartee? |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 8:01 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
does the burden of proof lay with the farter or the fartee? Quoting: phluup 336011
The farter, as the party of the first part, is responsible for both the noise and scent of said fart.The party of the second part, the fartee, will be deemed the agrieved party, since both the scent and noise may cause intentional bodily harm to said fartee's psyche, person, or mental outlook. If a fart, is let, and is rated on the fartometer scale as a 9, then immediate corporal action should be taken against the farter forthwith. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 358956
2/5/2008 8:17 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
I applaud this!! I think they should issue modified breathalyzers or ass-a-lyzers to all staff members immediately!
GOD BLESS US ALL, EVERYONE!
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 696
2/5/2008 8:18 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
A lot of hot air...if you ask me...
... |
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a
User ID: 364237
2/5/2008 8:24 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
now,
we all know there s two kinds
1 - loud & proud
2 - silent but violent
no penalty differentation?
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Konomonose
User ID: 340133
2/5/2008 8:29 AM
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what about queefs? |
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darth marduk
User ID: 155675
2/5/2008 8:31 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
 |
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phluup
User ID: 336011
2/5/2008 8:36 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
does the burden of proof lay with the farter or the fartee?
The farter, as the party of the first part, is responsible for both the noise and scent of said fart.The party of the second part, the fartee, will be deemed the agrieved party, since both the scent and noise may cause intentional bodily harm to said fartee's psyche, person, or mental outlook. If a fart, is let, and is rated on the fartometer scale as a 9, then immediate corporal action should be taken against the farter forthwith. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 169261
thanks for clearing that up |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 8:48 AM | |
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 336011
2/5/2008 9:21 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 169261
deserves an Oscar! |
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King Neptune
User ID: 304696
2/5/2008 9:22 AM
 | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
All we have is hope that a dragon will be born again.
Eragon
They are looking for a miracle
The Guardian
[link to goldfish74.blogspot.com] |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 312619
2/5/2008 9:28 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
lol wow.
just reminds me of how much of a failure the education system is
we could have educational environments where kids actually have FUN learning, but NOOOOO... |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 352621
2/5/2008 9:45 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
 He who does not fart with us, farts against us. Inadmissible!!!   |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 9:58 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
Here I siteth, Broken Hearteth
Tried to Shiteth, but only Farteth St. James Version |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 368254
2/5/2008 10:00 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
The four winds cometh.
Passeth thou not the fifth! |
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Farquad
User ID: 327464
2/5/2008 10:41 AM
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Best thread EVER!!! |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 169261 (OP)
2/5/2008 11:29 AM | | Re: Middle School Bans Intentional Flatulence | Quote |
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