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Why the Scots are better than the English

 
Scottish and Proud
User ID: 371488
United Kingdom
03/05/2008 07:16 PM
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Why the Scots are better than the English
Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) comes to
Scotland to conquer the Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him. As he nears
the battlefield there suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of
the hill. A short,ginger-haired guy in a kilt.
'Hammer o'the Scots?' yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. 'Come up here, ya English bastards, and I'll give ye a hammerin'!'

Edward turns to his commander. 'Send 20 men to deal
with that little Scottish upstart, there's a good chap!', he says. The
commander sends twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Scotsman.
Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the
little Scot appears again. 'Ya English bampots!', he yells. 'Come on the rest of
ye!! Come on, I'll have ye all !'

Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his
commander. 'Send 100 men to kill that little guttersnipe!'
The commander sends a hundred men over the hill to do
the job.Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the
hill once more,his hair all sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn. 'Ya
English SCUM!', he yells. 'I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, ya
English gits!!'

Edward loses patience. 'Commander, take 400 men and
personally WIPE HIM OFF THE EARTH!', he yells.
The commander gulps, but leads four hundred men
on horseback over the crest of the hill.
Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His
clothing is all torn, his face is covered in blood, snot and Irn-Bru.
'Is that the best ye can do??? You're bloody WIMMIN!!! Come on!! Come
and have a go ya bunch of Jessies!!!', he yells.

Edward turns to his second in command. 'Take 1000 men
over that h ill and don't come back till you've killed him!' he
commands. The second in command gathers the men and they ride
off over the hill to their fate.
Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears
back at the top of the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are
all torn. 'Your Majesty!! he yells.
' It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them !!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 385975
Russian Federation
03/05/2008 07:21 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
because of something that happened 700 years ago and is highly unrealistic? 1000 men on horses killed by two men in skirts? I think you've had enough whiskey tonight jock.
The Monk
User ID: 274840
United States
03/05/2008 07:24 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
That's a funny...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 322077
United Kingdom
03/05/2008 07:26 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
Lets build a wall around scotland and fill it full of water lol
Prof-Rabbit
User ID: 148352
Australia
03/05/2008 07:27 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
"Oi! you in the kilt, put that sheep down!"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 386444
United Kingdom
03/05/2008 07:31 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
Land of the deep-fried Mars Bar
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 74018
United Kingdom
03/05/2008 07:34 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
because of something that happened 700 years ago and is highly unrealistic? 1000 men on horses killed by two men in skirts? I think you've had enough whiskey tonight jock.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 385975


It's a joke ya twat!!

:gemini2:
Scottish and Proud (OP)
User ID: 371488
United Kingdom
03/05/2008 07:45 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman,an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am You will be given 50 lashes each but you can have whatever you want on your back"
The Australian goes first and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.
The Englishman says "I will take it as it comes I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly"Stiff upper lip you know eh what" His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.
"Now Jock It's your turn you have the same choice as the other two what would you like on your back" says Saddam.
Jock replies quickly and without hesitation "I'll have the Englishman"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 385975
Russian Federation
03/05/2008 07:48 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
oh wow nationalist jokes, how 1971 of you. I bet you've never even been to England.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 371488
United Kingdom
03/05/2008 07:51 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
BREAKING..........

Perthshire- It was just after 3.00pm yesterday afternoon, in the small Scottish mining town of Glenalkie, that news first started to filter out of the local porridge works that there had been a massive cave in 2500ft beneath the the main pit head of Scotlands largest working porridge mine.

The cave in was believed to have started, Thursday just after 2.00pm , when bekilted miners dynamited a huge untapped porridge seam which then quickly transformed itself into the thing all porridge miners fear; a porridge slip.
Early reports suggest that as many as fifty local men remain trapped underground; neck deep in what the proud locals of Glenalkie call "White gold"


The Glenalkie porridge mines have been the main source of income for the families of the town ever since the huge deposits of untapped oats were first discovered in the late nineteeth century.
Local people are well aware of the dangers of deep earth porridge mining; but as one resident told me "Aye laddie this is a porridge town and a porridge town it'll stay."

So far all rescue efforts have been hampered by the fear of vibrations from the diggers causing a second and surely fatal porridge slip. All attempts at contacting the stricken miners have failed and some around the town are now fearing the worst; unless the men can somehow manage to eat themselves to the surface
Scottish and Proud (OP)
User ID: 371488
United Kingdom
03/05/2008 07:54 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
In my Net ......

just a couple of Tiddlers...

not bad for a half hours work !!!

hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 47237500
United Kingdom
10/12/2013 01:56 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
Lets build a wall around scotland and fill it full of water lol
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 322077


Braw a big sweemin poole ! yay
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14410089
United States
10/12/2013 02:13 PM
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Re: Why the Scots are better than the English
For all the jokers who are suffering from a sever lack of understanding due to their dimished capacity to understand the written word, go to an Ommmamma help clinic and have one of the Acorn workers read you
"How The Scots Invented the Modern World" by Arthur Herman, Now I am aware that since this information will not be imparted to you in a cartoon format that you will struggle comprehending it. The best way to combat this difficulty is have your reader finish each paragraph by saying "motherfucker" "grape drank" or " she be tweaking homey". That should help you to feel more comfortable...

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