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The saviour complex is that which makes a person believe they can save another regardless of whether or not they need saving.

Anonymous Coward
User ID: 388277
United States
03/08/2008 02:22 PM
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The saviour complex is that which makes a person believe they can save another regardless of whether or not they need saving.
All right, first of all, what is the "saviour complex"? Where do I begin?

The saviour complex is that which makes a person believe they can save another regardless of whether or not they need saving. There are two ends to the spectrum: the saviour and the save-me. The save -me's are just as bad.

Where does it stem from? Complete lack of self-confidence. I have found that many of the women in my family have the save-me part. This SUCKS. WHy do I hate it so much? Because it's no one elses job to save you.

Take me for instance, I don't get much slack from you folks in the real world, and when I do, you act like you've just done me this amazing service and therefore I should be permanently indebted to you. Ok, thanks? But shouldn't you just treat everyone decently?

I am not saying that I don't need people. I am not saying that it's not okay to be saved once in a while, but do you really think that you are going to be the sole purpose of my life now that you have given me a break? If you do, you are being overly dramatic, and you have the savior complex. You want to be owed.

Men with low self-esteem are particularly bad about being saviours. They think they can't get anyone "normal" so they think they can chase me because I look different, poor girl, so I must not have anyone who loves me.

They decide they will be the one to love me and then I will appreciate that love so much that I will sell my soul to keep them there. Oh! Oh! And then, all the people in the family will say, "oh, what a wonderful man to look past all those freakish things... she's so odd looking, and he still loves her..." This man becomes an idol to fucking EVERYONE! And WHY??? No reason.

But you can probably see where this would make him feel good. And then the save-me's... *cringe*, they are worse... They feel so poorly about themselves that they think the first man to love them must be the best one because who could possibly love them. They treat him like some kind of god.

I only get angry because it should not be about looking past differences. I do look very different from most women of any age. But isn't that wonderful? Am I not beautiful? I don't mean that arrogantly. Look at me though, I am beautiful.

I am more beautiful without hair. I really really love who I am. And that's the point. We should be loving who we are. We are all beautiful, and there is no status quo, not a real one anyway... If you want to be saved, go save yourself.

Dip in your own private river, find your own mind. No one can really save you, but you. You hold the key to your own happiness and I hope you are listening... NO ONE WILL DO IT FOR YOU, NOT NOW NOT EVER. You must find it within yourself, you must see your own beauty, you must love who you are. It is not always easy, but it must be done. Find your way... and it's all right to get some help now and again.

I love people, and on occasion I have headed down some pretty scary roads that I would never have found my way off of, had I not had some help for others. But I did it mostly by myself. Want some examples? Okay.

I went through a big fat bout of depression about 4 years ago. I went on a shoplifting spree for several months. I was involved with a man who was horrible for me, but I couldn't see it at the time. The Kali-crime spree was cut short, which I am thankful for, when I got arrested. I went to jail and everything.

Fortunately for me, my mother bailed me out. I had to go to court, I was put on probation, and fortunately, my record is clean. If the loss-prevention people hadn't caught me, I would probably still be doing it. I am glad I was caught, because I was out of control. I was poor and starving, and couldn't seem to find a job.

I was not doing well. The arrest changed my life for the better. I have never stolen anything since then, and never will. I was helped by people, and then I did the work to make sure it was no longer on my record. I am thankful.

My boyfriend at the time... ugh... super clingy guy, 12 years older than me, decent in bed, but what a loser. He wouldn't get a job. He faked injuries to avoid it, and actually collected workmans compensation for some bogus knee troubles. He was stupid. He almost let my baby brother drown, which was the worst thing by far, yet I stayed. During our 6 month stint, we got kicked out of our apartment, which really opened my eyes.

If my roommate had not kicked us out, I wouldn't have seen what a fuckface I was dating until I was pregnant and barefoot in a dirty old trailer, and by then it would have been too late. He didn't get it, but I began to. I am thankful that I was kicked out. Later on in the relationship I began to really see his true colors. I was starting to do well, and he stopped taking care of himself. He stank, he wore the same clothes everyday, he stopped shaving, and still expected to sleep with me. I broke up with him, and tried really hard to stay friends with him. Then he began stalking me. Then I got him to go away once and for all. But that is another story.

The point is that while I have needed some saving from time to time, I usually have to do it myself, because if someone does it for me, I am not really saved. When Xians talk about Jesus saving them, I guess I don't understand. I beleive that what Jesus supposedly did was all well and good. He was a great teacher, and leader. What I wish people would see was that his teachings were the things meant to save people. His talks of peace and compassion(much like the Buddha)were the saving words.

I REFUSE TO GENUFLECT. I will walk alongside my teachers as an equal. No one will make me feel less than. You owe the wonderful things in life to others, but please do not leave yourself out. And stop trying to save each other. Offer help where it is needed, but expect nothing in return, as it won't be what you thought it would be.

In closing, I want to tell you that I do not need saving. I have great friends who see me as I am... a beautiful vibrant intelligent woman who deserves as much love as she gives. In the end, I will be the one who saves me, not you.

User ID: 387008
United States
03/08/2008 02:53 PM
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Re: The saviour complex is that which makes a person believe they can save another regardless of whether or not they need saving.
Sounds like you've been through a lot. More of us should learn from their experiences as you have :)

The need to be saved as Jesus spoke of has to do with both defective human nature and slavery to satanic powers. We are *almost* our own worst enemy. We are fallen, marred beings, fit only for execution. . .which takes place by proxy. We can opt in to the crucifixion by repentance. The old self dies, and Christ is birthed in us. It doesn't happen overnight, but increasingly, we become more like Jesus and less what we were.
Please pray for me: I used to be a Good Christian™, until I got a hold of some kind of fruity "love" bullshit and decided I need to be less harsh on people.