ok, need some strange advice on a relationship issue

now, this may sound juvenile and immature.. ok. it may be. but anyways.

for about 3 years or so, theres a group of friends and i who've met through a band fan website. some of us became really close and have met up, spent a lot of time together.. two of which have become my best friends in the world and our families get together and all. most of us live in different states.

anyways, there was one person in our group who i never met (yet) and oddly no one else's met so far. he's cool and all, and i have a feeling he's liked me for a while. we never really talked as in depth as say i did with the others and though he always wanted us to talk on the phone, i never did. just because i hate talking on the phone with a vengeance. lol
anyways, there was kind of always something there between us, not sure wtf it was. but i never really knew what to make of him very much, either. hes kinda hard to take online. and hes had a shitload of odd relationship problems. getting involved with women who were fucked up with weird mental issues and one woman who ended up being in a cult, (not him), but he still kept staying with her even though she treated him like crap and was nuts. this was over for about a year now. every relationship hes been in has been some insane drama.
anyways, back around february, i told him i was kind of interested in him after a talk we had. as he obviously was me. though he lives 2,000 miles away across the country. (yes i know.. ) but then i said to him i think maybe we should just... be friends.. and just... not to let it go any further on that and just be on the same page.
he was ok with it, just, as long as we still stayed friends.
so, we ecided to keep in touch and shit. but i still never called him. just .. i hated talking on phones and some other things.

but anyways... about 3 weeks ago, all hell broke loose. my mom died... and all kinds of dramas with my family and some being an ass, put a horrible strain on the friendship of me and my best friend and well, it was a hell of a bad time. i was pretty much nearing a breakdown. everyone was on edge and all kinds of things going on.
anyways.. my friend, she had it out with my father and she and i had a spat, which was ridiculous in itself and us bot being irrational, understandably.
so, she decided to leave back home out of state, was pissed off, i just had a massive blow up with some of my family over the burial decisions and them accusing and being extremely UNhuman as far as emotions went, and it was the night before my moms funeral and i didnt have anyone else to talk to. i was going nuts..
and i started texting him and telling him what happened.. for one of the reasons being, he already knew the situation, knew my best friend thru all the rest of us and how and well, he was wanting to talk and knew i needed to talk and i surely needed to talk to someone then... who was out of the situation but also aware of the situation. if that makes sense.
anyways... we talked and then it turned into an hour chat.. then 2 hours and we had a nice convo. i felt better after and i was surpised and we even hit it off. next day we talked some more and i think i probably would have gone nuts if i hadn't been talking to him during that time.
so, we started getting closer and before i had been pretty against the idea of a long distance relationship and even more so about anyone i hadnt even met in person yet.
as such as this case.
anyways.. we both kind of.. um.. came up with a sort of... mutual agreeance that we were already kind of a um, in a relationship already. well, i guess we sorta where anyway at te rate we were going. god.. this is insane...

but we did get closer and it was nice to actually talk to someone who didnt freak out, criticize, judge and actually listened and cared. and at that point, i really didnt have anyone else i could talk to or even wanna talk to. people who i thought i could trust before in my own family, i started to see their true colors and knew they didnt even give a shit in the first place. funny how a death can bring out some real sides to people. good and bad.
anyways, we started talking everynight on the phone.. texting all day long, and i never do this. its kind of out of character.
so, we got to talking and i kinda said i was um, in other words.. not so hesitant anymore in leaving the possibility opened to, it maybe becoming something someday... or keeping it in mind.
and he was going to be meeting with all of us (me and my friends and etc and some he'd talked to before) in chicago in june for a concert anyway. way before any of this. hes in Oklahoma. so, i thought itd be a great time to meet him and see how we hit it off after we meet.
anyways, during this time, i was at odds with my best friend and some things were said and done... like her wanting us to not even talk to eachother.. not listening.. not wanting to work it out, etc... and im like wtf...
so he (the friend id been getting closer to, long distance) , said, well, he didnt wanna get involved and how she was, didnt wanna get her pissed off, so i suggested that id still go to the show and deal with her myself and the rest of the trip, he and i can just have our own time. and just us, not the other shit. so, okay. fair enough.
but then, i was about to just say fuckit to the concert, too and after my friend said she didnt wanna even talk to me again. so, i suggested he fly and meet me halfway, to chicago and we just have our own time.. forget everyone else. still, id rather meet him around other people.. get a feeling of it and go from there. but, he kept saying then that he didnt even think he could afford the plane tickets. so, they wouldnt even be that much! or rent a car... and drive.. which he was tinking of doing anyway. so hhe suggested me just come to oklahoma for a week, as he had gotten that week off anyway. so, i fucking went, like an idiot and bought plane tickets to oklahoma and for us just meet there and go on our own roadtrip to chicago maybe. ok, i acted on extreme impulse here. and i never do this. i suggested other ideas but he was hesitant about them all. but i think its just fucked up and i dont thnk this is gonna be right. i dont know why i jumped at it like i did.
i think his main reason for it was so, we didnt have to run into my friend who was making this big ass drama about everything, and it even fucking shit up for us. and making it awkward and fucked up and now we couldnt even get a hostel spot where were originally set to maybe stay. so... we did it this way.

so i found out today that the airlines never even charged my card yet and dont even have my info on the database for the flight. which was odd. the bank had nothing on their record, either.. te airlines.. nothing. i ordered these over the phone 2-3 dys ago. didnt even get a confirmation email, but i had a confirmation number they gave me.

i didnt tell him yet, but i had already been thinking of maybe getting these tickets changed and im just driving to chicago instead.. and meet me, at least at first.. when we are around my other friends. my best friend and i started to make amends as well, and.. um... yikes. i just feel weird meeting him way out there and ive never been out there. yes i know, i was being stupid! impulsive and... i wasnt in my right mind. normally id have come up with a different idea. but jesus...

so, now, i dont know wtf to do or say..

my best friend is kinda pissed off about me even making these plans now and she doesnt want he and i fucking up the trip. well, it was planned when i thought things between she and i were over and her acting irratinal herself.
so, now i need to fix this....

hes gonna be hesitant.. but.. i need a way for us all to have our own space and at the same time not upset anyone else, and everyone happy about it and being a bit more realistic.

what the hell do i do?!

and i .. well, he and i both, jumped into this REALLY fast.

and i really should have realized... of all the other shit relationships ed been into before to just.. take it very very very fucking slow. but i was going thru shit too and.. i dont know. its no excuse.. i just was emotionally vulnerable... and.. well, ive seen the possible mistake i made. not saying i am not interested in him. i am, but.. this needs to be approached very differently...