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How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 473784
United States
07/26/2008 12:57 PM
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How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
How fundamentalist Christians will Rule

There are two brothers, Dustin and Buddy.

Dustin marries, a feminist, because she’s an easy lay.

Buddy marries a fundamentalist Christian because he’s also conservative.

Dustin and Buddy both have families.

Dustin has two children, but his wife divorces him, because she realizes she wants to further expore her sexuality. She puts both of the children in day care from a young age, while she has fun. They grow up in day care without a mother or father and both suffer from anxiety, needing anti depressants.

Buddy stays married, he buys a home.

Dustin, pay’s half of his income in child support, so he never recovers financially. His children can’t afford to go to college because, he doesn’t have the money and his ex wife uses the child support to pay for drugs, and traveling around the world. His ex wife lives with her girlfriend who also has children by a previous marriage.

Buddy’s children go to a religious college and study business.

Dustin’s children enter therapy, and are not sure they will ever marry, due to identity issues.

Buddy’s children, marry and have large families.

One of Dustin’s children eventually marries, and has a child that marriage also ends in divorce. Dustin dies early after working himself to death, because he has no credit, and can’t get health insurance. He does not leave an estate.

Buddy’s children, all Christian fundamentalists, have large families. Buddy has hundreds of Grand Children all Christian. They are all conservative voters.

Dustin’s children eventually loose contact with each other. One commits suicide. The other becomes a life long member of A.A. The grandchild disappears and is never heard from again.

One of Buddy’s children runs for senator and becomes the first Fundamentalist Christian Senator from California. He helps sponsor legislation to allow the teaching of bible classes in California public schools.

Buddy retires and becomes a missionary.

The End.
Wingedlion
User ID: 473754
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07/26/2008 01:03 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
You are a dumb ass, not knowing the principles of what governs the laws of reality. Christians will rule the Earth by spiritual transformation, a direct act of God. And only the most humble and meek will be allowed to "rule". You have never even seen or have any concept of what a real Christian is. And that is what makes you a dumb ass.
anonymous coward (OP)
User ID: 473784
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07/26/2008 01:04 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
Judge not less ye be judged.
Wingedlion
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07/26/2008 01:07 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
Judge not less ye be judged.
 Quoting: anonymous coward 473784



That still does not excuse your carnal understanding of how things are. Your knowledge is limited by the inability of the carnal man to receive the things that are of God. And fallen man cannot rise to greatness by carnal means. The problem is not with my judgment but with your ability to discern.
anonymous coward (OP)
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07/26/2008 01:11 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
I guess that means that you believe you can interpret the will of God...

Did God certify you to speak for him, or is that something you have taken up on your own?
Wingedlion
User ID: 473754
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07/26/2008 01:28 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
I guess that means that you believe you can interpret the will of God...

Did God certify you to speak for him, or is that something you have taken up on your own?
 Quoting: anonymous coward 473784



No, that office was granted me by over 25 years of intense teaching and spiritual revelation by the hand of God Himself. He then used me in the most effective measure possible, that of completely destroying the PTB occult kingdoms. This is presently being done in the higher realms of the spirit, and will soon translate into this physical world. I did not do any of this on my own initiative. I was drafted. But willingly so. I do speak for Him, and I can interpret the will of God, it is really quite easy when you know Him as I do. The Bible promises that "His sheep hear His voice, and follow Him." But there is a little something special about me that I usually don't share, but since you asked...

By chance I am a direct descendant of the Biblical Patriarch Joseph, from the Hebrew tribe of Ephriam. Early on I developed a unique "attribute" that of God answering all that I prayed for. That's right, everything I pray for comes to pass. That ability caught the attention of the most powerful "rulers of the darkness of this world", who believed that this kind of power was too great not to be under their control, so they put lots of money up to anyone who would have the magickial power to kill me with their magick. And so for 13 years, I have been persecuted, tortured, kidnapped, held by covens and tortured, then to be rescued by the local SWAT teams (God bless them) But this all pails in comparrison to what I have experienced in the spiritual realms.

See, the value of a man's opinion is the price he has paid for that opinion. And although I have been entrusted with great power, I am actually a broken and humble man, who loves God with all my heart for rescuing me from all my enemies. Who hate me for the only crime of being a friend of God. So yes, I do easily discern the will of God, and have much personal contact with Him, but not as you understand. I am able to accurately discern His voice in the intuition of my conscience, where He abides and takes up residence in my earthly body. I am a man after God's own heart, to do all according to His will. If you don't believe that, then that is your problem. perhaps you'd understand it better if you were in my shoes.
Anonymous coward (OP)
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07/26/2008 01:33 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
I knew it...
mahershalalhashbaz

User ID: 471842
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07/26/2008 01:52 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
christians aren't going to rule anything, they are going to be humbled bigtime soon as He gets here...in for a shock.
MuadDib987

User ID: 471904
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07/26/2008 02:15 PM

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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
christians aren't going to rule anything, they are going to be humbled bigtime soon as He gets here...in for a shock.
 Quoting: mahershalalhashbaz


This would be a good reason to humble ourselves *now*

cool2
Please pray for me: I used to be a Good Christian™, until I got a hold of some kind of fruity "love" bullshit and decided I need to be less harsh on people.
ross
User ID: 473831
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07/26/2008 02:17 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
I guess that means that you believe you can interpret the will of God...

Did God certify you to speak for him, or is that something you have taken up on your own?



No, that office was granted me by over 25 years of intense teaching and spiritual revelation by the hand of God Himself. He then used me in the most effective measure possible, that of completely destroying the PTB occult kingdoms. This is presently being done in the higher realms of the spirit, and will soon translate into this physical world. I did not do any of this on my own initiative. I was drafted. But willingly so. I do speak for Him, and I can interpret the will of God, it is really quite easy when you know Him as I do. The Bible promises that "His sheep hear His voice, and follow Him." But there is a little something special about me that I usually don't share, but since you asked...

By chance I am a direct descendant of the Biblical Patriarch Joseph, from the Hebrew tribe of Ephriam. Early on I developed a unique "attribute" that of God answering all that I prayed for. That's right, everything I pray for comes to pass. That ability caught the attention of the most powerful "rulers of the darkness of this world", who believed that this kind of power was too great not to be under their control, so they put lots of money up to anyone who would have the magickial power to kill me with their magick. And so for 13 years, I have been persecuted, tortured, kidnapped, held by covens and tortured, then to be rescued by the local SWAT teams (God bless them) But this all pails in comparrison to what I have experienced in the spiritual realms.

See, the value of a man's opinion is the price he has paid for that opinion. And although I have been entrusted with great power, I am actually a broken and humble man, who loves God with all my heart for rescuing me from all my enemies. Who hate me for the only crime of being a friend of God. So yes, I do easily discern the will of God, and have much personal contact with Him, but not as you understand. I am able to accurately discern His voice in the intuition of my conscience, where He abides and takes up residence in my earthly body. I am a man after God's own heart, to do all according to His will. If you don't believe that, then that is your problem. perhaps you'd understand it better if you were in my shoes.
 Quoting: Wingedlion 473754

holy shit. this is why i am not a christian...

ross
ross@rosscroft.com
www.rosscroft.com
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 462023
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07/26/2008 02:22 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
You didnt take into account the low IQ of buddy's children due to the low IQ of his wife.
MuadDib987

User ID: 471904
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07/26/2008 02:26 PM

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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
How fundamentalist Christians will Rule

There are two brothers, Dustin and Buddy.
Etc.
The End.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 473784


Note, however, the majority of these fundamental christians will be Pharisees. Those guys were the exclusive priests of God's Old Testament program, but along the way missed the whole point and turned into proud, elite, manipulative know-it-alls who couldn't even recognize the Father when they saw him.

Only the narrow path leads out of Babylon.
Please pray for me: I used to be a Good Christian™, until I got a hold of some kind of fruity "love" bullshit and decided I need to be less harsh on people.
Anonymous Coward
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07/26/2008 03:36 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
Buddy goes to college with his good Christian buddy George. They both are invited to join Skull and Bones. Buddy takes it up the butt....but he recognised Jesus as his lord and savior abd so figured god would forgive him for being a Sodimite.

Buddy was introduced to George's family and offered a job at a military contracting biochemical warfare corporation. In no time at all Buddy moves up the ladder and becomes CEO. Times are good and the homosexual action at Bohemian Grove is fantastic. Even his secretary Monica Blowinski is playing ball because she knows Buddy would fire her if she didn't.

Yes...through god's mercy life is good for Buddy even the time his oldest son got arrested for DUI after a crash he had caused that killed 5 people. God's chosen people were in the right place at the right time so Buddy could bribe them to erase all evidence of his son's felony convictions. it was a miracle from heaven. His family was saved and all have clean records....well and respected community leaders.

Buddy is a family man who because of his position was able to take care of their many needs. He was able to hire all his sons into his corporation even though they were not qualified. He ordered his minions below him to put them on the fast track to promotions. Thank god for Nepotism!

But now Buddy has his highest calling from God. To help make biblical prophecy a reality. Yes it is now his calling to provide the biochemicals that will bring the world to its knees. Praise the Lord!! Buddy will help a weak god bring pre-millieum Rapture and Armageddon to heathen non-believers.



.
Mr. Bob

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07/26/2008 04:18 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
5 years later, buddy catches his pastor in the act of sodomy with one of the church youth, and realizes that he's been suckered in by a lying, no good, bitch of a preacher...

he leaves the church and becomes an athiest...

only to discover another few years later that there most definitely IS a "god", but that this true "god" does not judge his children for acts that "he" created them to do...

he becomes a pantheist, and then goes on to be a philosopher, who uses psychedelic drugs and practices psychonautics... his "research" and discoveries lead the world into a revolution of Love, Peace, and Wisdom.

he finally realizes what Christ truly was.
I WILL NOT let consequences dictate my course of action!

A.K.A - Aresh, Awakened Me, An Ominous Coward (Howard), The Goddess Pandora, Aumon Haht Fith Ashai, Within The Flower and a few others...
------------------------------------

In all things, i am flowing back thru and in and out, within and without and beyond them.

This is the Cosm. This is both I and You.

I am the Truth, and I am the Lie - I am the very spark of the Divine!


------------------
as soon as you even go near these things your ego knows what it is.. its all like "what ya gonna do with that?" "Hope you not gonna take it" "cause i will throw myself down on the floor and scratch, claw and bite and tantrum" - Kyuubi


"the gift of love makes much more sense than frankincense gold and myrhh" - Only Me
Pondlady02
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07/26/2008 04:57 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
How fundamentalist Christians will Rule

There are two brothers, Dustin and Buddy.

Dustin marries, a feminist, because she’s an easy lay.

Buddy marries a fundamentalist Christian because he’s also conservative.

Dustin and Buddy both have families.

Dustin has two children, but his wife divorces him, because she realizes she wants to further expore her sexuality. She puts both of the children in day care from a young age, while she has fun. They grow up in day care without a mother or father and both suffer from anxiety, needing anti depressants.

Buddy stays married, he buys a home.

Dustin, pay’s half of his income in child support, so he never recovers financially. His children can’t afford to go to college because, he doesn’t have the money and his ex wife uses the child support to pay for drugs, and traveling around the world. His ex wife lives with her girlfriend who also has children by a previous marriage.

Buddy’s children go to a religious college and study business.

Dustin’s children enter therapy, and are not sure they will ever marry, due to identity issues.

Buddy’s children, marry and have large families.

One of Dustin’s children eventually marries, and has a child that marriage also ends in divorce. Dustin dies early after working himself to death, because he has no credit, and can’t get health insurance. He does not leave an estate.

Buddy’s children, all Christian fundamentalists, have large families. Buddy has hundreds of Grand Children all Christian. They are all conservative voters.

Dustin’s children eventually loose contact with each other. One commits suicide. The other becomes a life long member of A.A. The grandchild disappears and is never heard from again.

One of Buddy’s children runs for senator and becomes the first Fundamentalist Christian Senator from California. He helps sponsor legislation to allow the teaching of bible classes in California public schools.

Buddy retires and becomes a missionary.

The End.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 473784

Maybe , by the grace of God, the "lost sheep" of the house of Dustin somehow managed to survive, accepted her past legacy, vowed to learn and not repeat family mistakes, gave lots of smiles, never hit on their kids, respected and told them the truth, introduced them to non-religion (manmade)but THE GENERIC JESUS and told them they had a choice and as their parent, believed and told them THAT they could do "anything" !
Could and has happened. MARANATHA!!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 114060
United States
07/26/2008 05:13 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
I guess that means that you believe you can interpret the will of God...

Did God certify you to speak for him, or is that something you have taken up on your own?



No, that office was granted me by over 25 years of intense teaching and spiritual revelation by the hand of God Himself. He then used me in the most effective measure possible, that of completely destroying the PTB occult kingdoms. This is presently being done in the higher realms of the spirit, and will soon translate into this physical world. I did not do any of this on my own initiative. I was drafted. But willingly so. I do speak for Him, and I can interpret the will of God, it is really quite easy when you know Him as I do. The Bible promises that "His sheep hear His voice, and follow Him." But there is a little something special about me that I usually don't share, but since you asked...

By chance I am a direct descendant of the Biblical Patriarch Joseph, from the Hebrew tribe of Ephriam. Early on I developed a unique "attribute" that of God answering all that I prayed for. That's right, everything I pray for comes to pass. That ability caught the attention of the most powerful "rulers of the darkness of this world", who believed that this kind of power was too great not to be under their control, so they put lots of money up to anyone who would have the magickial power to kill me with their magick. And so for 13 years, I have been persecuted, tortured, kidnapped, held by covens and tortured, then to be rescued by the local SWAT teams (God bless them) But this all pails in comparrison to what I have experienced in the spiritual realms.

See, the value of a man's opinion is the price he has paid for that opinion. And although I have been entrusted with great power, I am actually a broken and humble man, who loves God with all my heart for rescuing me from all my enemies. Who hate me for the only crime of being a friend of God. So yes, I do easily discern the will of God, and have much personal contact with Him, but not as you understand. I am able to accurately discern His voice in the intuition of my conscience, where He abides and takes up residence in my earthly body. I am a man after God's own heart, to do all according to His will. If you don't believe that, then that is your problem. perhaps you'd understand it better if you were in my shoes.
 Quoting: Wingedlion 473754



Let me guess, Southern Baptist - right?

WHAT A FUCKING NUTTER!

lolatu
FAR

User ID: 412806
United Kingdom
07/26/2008 05:27 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
5 years later, buddy catches his pastor in the act of sodomy with one of the church youth, and realizes that he's been suckered in by a lying, no good, bitch of a preacher...

he leaves the church and becomes an athiest...

only to discover another few years later that there most definitely IS a "god", but that this true "god" does not judge his children for acts that "he" created them to do...

he becomes a pantheist, and then goes on to be a philosopher, who uses psychedelic drugs and practices psychonautics... his "research" and discoveries lead the world into a revolution of Love, Peace, and Wisdom.

he finally realizes what Christ truly was.
 Quoting: Mr. Bob


2 years later he visits GLP and the other conspiracy sites and finally realizes the occult conspiracy.

With life at the bottom of a bottle, he decides to leave all the New age and becomes a ...
Read - for thy sustainer is the most bountiful one, who has taught the use of the pen, taught man what he did not know!
Nay verily man becomes grossly overweening, whenever he believes himself to be self-sufficient: for behold unto thy sustainer all must return.

Quran 96:3-8

[link to www.islamicity.com]
__________
"Investors must look at this situation as a portfolio opportunity. If you have some extra land (condo developers and house flippers, listen closely), grow a vegetable garden, if you are ambitious, raise some sheep and cows, they will come in handy".
__________
How we got here: [link to www.hundredyearlie.com]
Cure: [link to www.youtube.com]
__________
Plasma aliens: [link to www.plasmametaphysics.com]
__________
Were your ancestors pedophiles? [link to www.youtube.com]
__________
[link to www.terrorism-illuminati.com]
MuadDib987

User ID: 471904
United States
07/26/2008 05:51 PM

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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
2 years later he visits GLP and the other conspiracy sites and finally realizes the occult conspiracy.

With life at the bottom of a bottle, he decides to leave all the New age and becomes a ...
 Quoting: FAR


Loose cannon? Enforcing the law, his way? Paired with a straight edge, by-the-book partner he's always butting heads with? And despite getting on each other's nerves, they somehow get the job done, and both receive big promotions, but one of them is killed the day before his retirement? And the other one carries his dead buddy's badge around as reminder of why he got into this business in the first place?
Please pray for me: I used to be a Good Christian™, until I got a hold of some kind of fruity "love" bullshit and decided I need to be less harsh on people.
Wingedlion
User ID: 473754
United States
07/26/2008 06:27 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
I guess that means that you believe you can interpret the will of God...

Did God certify you to speak for him, or is that something you have taken up on your own?



No, that office was granted me by over 25 years of intense teaching and spiritual revelation by the hand of God Himself. He then used me in the most effective measure possible, that of completely destroying the PTB occult kingdoms. This is presently being done in the higher realms of the spirit, and will soon translate into this physical world. I did not do any of this on my own initiative. I was drafted. But willingly so. I do speak for Him, and I can interpret the will of God, it is really quite easy when you know Him as I do. The Bible promises that "His sheep hear His voice, and follow Him." But there is a little something special about me that I usually don't share, but since you asked...

By chance I am a direct descendant of the Biblical Patriarch Joseph, from the Hebrew tribe of Ephriam. Early on I developed a unique "attribute" that of God answering all that I prayed for. That's right, everything I pray for comes to pass. That ability caught the attention of the most powerful "rulers of the darkness of this world", who believed that this kind of power was too great not to be under their control, so they put lots of money up to anyone who would have the magickial power to kill me with their magick. And so for 13 years, I have been persecuted, tortured, kidnapped, held by covens and tortured, then to be rescued by the local SWAT teams (God bless them) But this all pails in comparrison to what I have experienced in the spiritual realms.

See, the value of a man's opinion is the price he has paid for that opinion. And although I have been entrusted with great power, I am actually a broken and humble man, who loves God with all my heart for rescuing me from all my enemies. Who hate me for the only crime of being a friend of God. So yes, I do easily discern the will of God, and have much personal contact with Him, but not as you understand. I am able to accurately discern His voice in the intuition of my conscience, where He abides and takes up residence in my earthly body. I am a man after God's own heart, to do all according to His will. If you don't believe that, then that is your problem. perhaps you'd understand it better if you were in my shoes.



Let me guess, Southern Baptist - right?

WHAT A FUCKING NUTTER!

lolatu
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 114060




Let me guess, dumb ass Satanist who thinks that he knows it all?
Mr. Bob

User ID: 470619
United States
07/26/2008 07:30 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
No, that office was granted me by over 25 years of intense teaching and spiritual revelation by the hand of God Himself. He then used me in the most effective measure possible, that of completely destroying the PTB occult kingdoms. This is presently being done in the higher realms of the spirit, and will soon translate into this physical world. I did not do any of this on my own initiative. I was drafted. But willingly so. I do speak for Him, and I can interpret the will of God, it is really quite easy when you know Him as I do. The Bible promises that "His sheep hear His voice, and follow Him." But there is a little something special about me that I usually don't share, but since you asked...

By chance I am a direct descendant of the Biblical Patriarch Joseph, from the Hebrew tribe of Ephriam. Early on I developed a unique "attribute" that of God answering all that I prayed for. That's right, everything I pray for comes to pass. That ability caught the attention of the most powerful "rulers of the darkness of this world", who believed that this kind of power was too great not to be under their control, so they put lots of money up to anyone who would have the magickial power to kill me with their magick. And so for 13 years, I have been persecuted, tortured, kidnapped, held by covens and tortured, then to be rescued by the local SWAT teams (God bless them) But this all pails in comparrison to what I have experienced in the spiritual realms.

See, the value of a man's opinion is the price he has paid for that opinion. And although I have been entrusted with great power, I am actually a broken and humble man, who loves God with all my heart for rescuing me from all my enemies. Who hate me for the only crime of being a friend of God. So yes, I do easily discern the will of God, and have much personal contact with Him, but not as you understand. I am able to accurately discern His voice in the intuition of my conscience, where He abides and takes up residence in my earthly body. I am a man after God's own heart, to do all according to His will. If you don't believe that, then that is your problem. perhaps you'd understand it better if you were in my shoes.
 Quoting: Wingedlion 473754


wow... U know, wingedlion, i never really had anything against you, and rather enjoyed the times i've been blessed with debating you


but i must say... You've really gone off the deep end here.

Do you seriously believe that you personally speak for "God" and can interpret his will?



i wish i would have readied my lifeboat before i wandered into that sea of bullshit.
I WILL NOT let consequences dictate my course of action!

A.K.A - Aresh, Awakened Me, An Ominous Coward (Howard), The Goddess Pandora, Aumon Haht Fith Ashai, Within The Flower and a few others...
------------------------------------

In all things, i am flowing back thru and in and out, within and without and beyond them.

This is the Cosm. This is both I and You.

I am the Truth, and I am the Lie - I am the very spark of the Divine!


------------------
as soon as you even go near these things your ego knows what it is.. its all like "what ya gonna do with that?" "Hope you not gonna take it" "cause i will throw myself down on the floor and scratch, claw and bite and tantrum" - Kyuubi


"the gift of love makes much more sense than frankincense gold and myrhh" - Only Me
AQ 7
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07/26/2008 07:52 PM
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Re: How Fundamentalist Christians will Rule
Good post, OP.

A lot of truth there.