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China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 470912
Finland
08/17/2008 11:28 AM
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China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
[link to www.huffingtonpost.com]

China's impressive haul of gold medals at the Beijing Olympics was tarnished somewhat today when it was revealed that "abnormally high levels of lead" were found in the first-place medallions.

The medals, which were supposed to be made entirely of gold, were instead found to be composed of 99% lead alloy and coated with a gold-colored lead-based paint.

The shocking revelations roiled the Olympic complex today and sent officials looking for answers from the Chinese manufacturer of the medals, the Wuhan One Hundred Percent Gold Medal Corporation.

"We are trying to determine how exactly so much lead got into those gold medals," said a spokesman for Wuhan, China's largest exporter of gold medals. "Until we do, we are urging all first-place athletes not to lick, taste or suck on their medals."

The news about the potentially toxic gold medals spread panic among Olympic champions, especially U.S. swimming phenom Michael Phelps.

"I am very, very concerned about my extensive contact with gold medals," Mr. Phelps told reporters. "But what am I supposed to do? Stop being so awesome?"

In other Olympic news, China's hopes for winning more medals in women's gymnastics were dashed when one of their leading gymnasts vanished down a bathtub drain on Tuesday.

Immediately after Jiang Qimin's disappearance, Beijing authorities launched a search for the acclaimed seven-pound athlete.

Jiang had been the subject of speculation earlier this week as many foreign observers doubted China's claims that the two-foot-tall gymnast was sixteen years old.

In an interview with NBC's Bob Costas on Monday, Jiang sparked controversy with this response to a question about her age: "I want my sippy cup."




hahaha
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 466162
United States
08/17/2008 11:41 AM
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Re: China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
yikes
Bob(tm) nli
User ID: 486388
United States
08/17/2008 11:47 AM
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Re: China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
The article is *satire* (not real).
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 460456
United States
08/17/2008 11:50 AM
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Re: China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
it brings up a good point... are the gold medals pure gold?

They must weigh at least half a pound.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 485167
Chile
08/17/2008 11:53 AM
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Re: China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
its complete normal since a lot of time ago.

its old story.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 485567
United States
08/17/2008 11:58 AM
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Re: China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 476538
United States
08/17/2008 02:08 PM
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Re: China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
[link to www.huffingtonpost.com]

China's impressive haul of gold medals at the Beijing Olympics was tarnished somewhat today when it was revealed that "abnormally high levels of lead" were found in the first-place medallions.

The medals, which were supposed to be made entirely of gold, were instead found to be composed of 99% lead alloy and coated with a gold-colored lead-based paint.

The shocking revelations roiled the Olympic complex today and sent officials looking for answers from the Chinese manufacturer of the medals, the Wuhan One Hundred Percent Gold Medal Corporation.

"We are trying to determine how exactly so much lead got into those gold medals," said a spokesman for Wuhan, China's largest exporter of gold medals. "Until we do, we are urging all first-place athletes not to lick, taste or suck on their medals."

The news about the potentially toxic gold medals spread panic among Olympic champions, especially U.S. swimming phenom Michael Phelps.

"I am very, very concerned about my extensive contact with gold medals," Mr. Phelps told reporters. "But what am I supposed to do? Stop being so awesome?"

In other Olympic news, China's hopes for winning more medals in women's gymnastics were dashed when one of their leading gymnasts vanished down a bathtub drain on Tuesday.

Immediately after Jiang Qimin's disappearance, Beijing authorities launched a search for the acclaimed seven-pound athlete.

Jiang had been the subject of speculation earlier this week as many foreign observers doubted China's claims that the two-foot-tall gymnast was sixteen years old.

In an interview with NBC's Bob Costas on Monday, Jiang sparked controversy with this response to a question about her age: "I want my sippy cup."


You have one and had it check

hahaha
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 470912

bsflag
An Ominous Coward (Howard)

User ID: 484079
United States
08/17/2008 02:33 PM
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Re: China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
wow... I love this stuff, effin' hilarious. keep 'em coming
I WILL NOT let consequences dictate my course of action!

A.K.A - Aresh, Awakened Me, An Ominous Coward (Howard), The Goddess Pandora, Aumon Haht Fith Ashai, Within The Flower and a few others...
------------------------------------

In all things, i am flowing back thru and in and out, within and without and beyond them.

This is the Cosm. This is both I and You.

I am the Truth, and I am the Lie - I am the very spark of the Divine!


------------------
as soon as you even go near these things your ego knows what it is.. its all like "what ya gonna do with that?" "Hope you not gonna take it" "cause i will throw myself down on the floor and scratch, claw and bite and tantrum" - Kyuubi


"the gift of love makes much more sense than frankincense gold and myrhh" - Only Me
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 486408
United States
08/17/2008 02:40 PM
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Re: China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content
As long as they don't eat the medals, it doesn't matter. The Onion has a rival.

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