I've signed up for the college I never really wanted to attend. my parents are now delighted. Basically I've let them control me for as long as I can remember never knowing that some things have to figured out by yourself. MY highschool was their choice and basically their ideas about me do note fit the trm you would call ''human''. Being attached to them made me somewhat dependent. Every time I tried to express my ideas I would be considered a freak - their views- no matter how liberal they consider it to be, are old fashioned, patriarchal and you can tell that they are sleeping while awake. But I can't even think of a parent who's not a bit like that. Since I've entered that college and changed 100% I became more secure and less dependent and now I have to gather some signatures from the professors from the college college..My dad became totally involved in my college life, when things go wrong he follows me, he talks to the proffessors and my friends trying to show them that I'm the most talented student there. When I tell him: Dad, please don't do that. Please, I can do things bymself, i'm not into that egoistical stuff He tells me that I'm an idiot, that I know little about life and have to fight for myself. Ok, the last sentence is true. but I can't explain that he doesn't have to be around me all the time. And he is yelling at me most of the time trying to make me desperate and dependent again. Maybe he doesn't see that, but it is really happening . When I'm totaly relaxed, when I'm playing the guitar or show full calmness and love for what we are, he goes mad. Starts to yell and wants to see me changed for the worse Since I'm already 90% awake in the lucid state of being, I can tell that he's dependant on attacking me. Like an energy drainer and he does it on regular basis. Like he switched his polarity to total negative. I can't explain it. Nomatter what I do..I signed up the academy because I wanted to make my parents happy, I do whatever they tell me, because I know they'll blame. WHen i want to do something bymself my mom has a strategy: OK, if you do this or get a job, you'll give your father another heart attack, and it is going to be your fault . I was thinking about leaving this place, go somewhere to live, find a job and play in a band because If I continue with this college I won't evolve a bit, but I really don't know if they'll survive it.. I tried a couple of times and it was not bad, but I brought too much karma on my back and my parents were crying, my dad was desperate. When I got home it all came back to how it was. It is really awkward because of my spiritual and non materialistic views on the world I'm proclaimed schizophrenic, paranoid and not normal by my parents. So I just integrated this concept in myself and live by my intuition trying not to harm them by mentioning my true self. I live in easter European country where people don't accept concepts of us being one, every different view on reality is proclaimed mental illness including telepathy, awakening, even charkas :( I don't blame my parents, It's not their fault. They just have to control someone, and know less but what I really want is to make them and me better people. I've decided for myself. I need to spread light no matter what and try to live this life the best I can. Can't let myself go in fear and anger. But when they attack me it really hurts because I did nothing wrong but trying to figure out who I am. It is a long and confusing post