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Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?

 
Married man
User ID: 352356
United Kingdom
09/01/2008 09:00 PM
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Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
This is a serious question for the ladies. I need help and for many reasons I cannot get professionals involved.

I am a married man. We have been married for 9 years. We have three children: 8, 6 and 6 months.

About 2 years ago I started suspecting that my wife was having an affair. Our sex life during marriage was never good and most non-existent. Our first child was conceived shortly before we were married. Our sex life was awesome but our marriage started as she started getting morning sickness and our sex stopped so right from the start marriage was more or less sexless.

I know that it wasn't me that changed because the change happened in a few weeks and I hadn't put on weight, slobbed out or anything like that. Hell, she was marrying me as things were pretty good between us!

Anyway. our second child happened because we had a brief sexual recovery and we wanted another baby.

Then no sex other than on the very rare occasion (we're talking a stretch of nearly 3 years without sex at one point so I really do mean no sex) until for just a few times she decided that she wanted sex without protection and our third beautiful child happened. However that was a miracle conception because we only did it a few times and the sex then immediately stopped. From then until now, 15 months later, we have only done it once.

Now without sounding arrogant, I know that I am desirable and good looking because enough women want me. I work out, watch my weight, help out around the house, am an excellent father to the kids and I alone earn the family money.

Unfortunately I have to work away and normally only see the family on weekends but when I don't have work I have been at home for several months and nothing changes so I know that it's not me being away that is the problem.

She had post-natal depression quite badly with the second child and she has been on very low dosages of prozac since being diagnosed, I know that can interfere with a woman's sex drive but she went off sex long before that so although that may be a factor recently, it sure wasn't before she started taking the medication!

I don't know why she went off sex and that's not why I am posting here. I am merely telling you this background info so that you have a reference point, in case some lady reading this has been in this position before and can help me.

I know that she cheated on at last two boyfriends in the past and she also had at least one affair with a married man in her past. I don't know if that's relevant.

Why I am posting here is because I think that she's cheating on me. Again. With the same man.

As I said, our third child was conceived during a two week period of sudden sexual activity from her. At that time I was very strongly suspicious that she was cheating on me. I was at home at that time as one deal had ended and the other not yet started. Had been at home for a few months. For the previous 1 1/2 years our sex life had deteriorated from terrible to non-existent. Before then it had been rare but occasional, but for that 1 1/2 years it disappeared entirely. Yet everything else seemed okay in our relationship.

She claimed it was stress, then the kids... there was always some reason either physical or emotional for saying no but it was nothing but no, no, no. However, she had begun to be very interested in her work and worked weekends. I also discovered sexy underwear that I had never seen, she became keen on fitness, very distant from me and the kids, almost aggressive and was very keen to work weekends. I suspected at that point that she was having an affair. This went on for months, then suddenly she had that spurt of sex with me, which resulted in the pregnancy, then for over a year we have only done it once.

At the time I thought that she was having guilty sex with me or sex to fall pregnant because she wasn't sure if she had just fallen pregnant to someone else, so by having unprotected sex with me, she could explain being pregnant if she was in fact pregnant to another man.

Now, nearly a year later I heard her on the phone to what I thought was her best friend. However, it turns out that it was one of the men that I suspected back then was a possibility if she was having an affair. The fact that I thought it was her best friend by the way that she was speaking as well as her being more distant physically from me after that suddenly brought back all the memories of a year ago and my suspicion of her affair back then.

I am hoping that a lady reading this who has cheated on her man will be kind enough to share the experience and how she did it. This is why I have given as much detail as I have. I am hoping that someone with the experience to share will be able to read what I wrote and post relevant information from their experience so that I can learn from others and be wiser to what may be happening in my marriage.

I cannot explain what happened to my wife. I always assumed that the hormonal changes of pregnancy just killed sex for her. But there have been enough odd things happening that make me wonder if there's not more to it.

Put it this way, I was so suspicious that I had my third child genetically tested to make sure that I am indeed the father. I am, which is a relief.

If you have had this experience, if you have cheated on your man or if your wife has cheated on you, please consider posting here.

Thank you.
SubarcticBeef

User ID: 221410
United States
09/01/2008 09:07 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Get a paternity test on the last kid. It may not be yours.
Large and Powerful
[link to i154.photobucket.com]
SubarcticBeef

User ID: 221410
United States
09/01/2008 09:08 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Get a paternity test on the last kid. It may not be yours.
 Quoting: SubarcticBeef

Sorry. Missed that one line. Glad the kid is yours.
Large and Powerful
[link to i154.photobucket.com]
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 352356
United Kingdom
09/01/2008 09:20 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Get a paternity test on the last kid. It may not be yours.

Sorry. Missed that one line. Glad the kid is yours.
 Quoting: SubarcticBeef


Yes, I was expecting the father to be someone else and it was a very pleasant surprise to know that I was indeed Daddy.

However, I am not sure that my wife is certain. She doesn't know that I had the test done.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 495844
United Kingdom
09/02/2008 02:47 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
That sux OP
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 284011
United States
09/02/2008 02:56 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Hire a private investigator.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 495244
United States
09/02/2008 02:56 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Grow a pair and ask your wife is she is cheating on you. Tell her all the reasons you think she is having an affair and tell her you suspected one or more of the children were fathered by someone else. Say it to her face instead of slandering her to strangers. It's your marriage, you got yourself into it, you get yourself out of it or figure out how to fix it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 494621
Portugal
09/02/2008 02:58 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Grow a pair and ask your wife is she is cheating on you. Tell her all the reasons you think she is having an affair and tell her you suspected one or more of the children were fathered by someone else. Say it to her face instead of slandering her to strangers. It's your marriage, you got yourself into it, you get yourself out of it or figure out how to fix it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 495244


No need for much more. Her reaction will tell everything. Look at her in the eyes. If she's hiding something she'll be nervous and her pupils will dilate
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 284011
United States
09/02/2008 03:00 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Grow a pair and ask your wife is she is cheating on you. Tell her all the reasons you think she is having an affair and tell her you suspected one or more of the children were fathered by someone else. Say it to her face instead of slandering her to strangers. It's your marriage, you got yourself into it, you get yourself out of it or figure out how to fix it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 495244

That does sound good but she will probably just freak out and act like he's an asshole. So, I say, hire a private investigator, find out the truth, then give her the opportunity to tell you. Then if she pulls that bull shit, you can pull out the facts.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 494621
Portugal
09/02/2008 03:06 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
That does sound good but she will probably just freak out and act like he's an asshole. So, I say, hire a private investigator, find out the truth, then give her the opportunity to tell you. Then if she pulls that bull shit, you can pull out the facts.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 284011


If she's not guilty of it, the reaction will be quite mellow. It would probably start with a "hmm? what?"
If she's guilty she'll jump immediately into a defensive stance. If she freaks out as the first reaction, pupil dilated, sweaty hands, lots of short movements and the impression of discomfort (trying to adjust her position every second), then she's guilty!

kinesics 1 O 1
Kevin_Martin

User ID: 483253
United States
09/02/2008 03:07 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Go on cheaters
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 493438
United States
09/02/2008 03:07 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
You are a paranoid schizophrenic,get help, quit posting on GLP for starters.

Oh And yes all women cheat on their men. many fish in the sea. Go fishing.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 495244
United States
09/02/2008 03:08 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Grow a pair and ask your wife is she is cheating on you. Tell her all the reasons you think she is having an affair and tell her you suspected one or more of the children were fathered by someone else. Say it to her face instead of slandering her to strangers. It's your marriage, you got yourself into it, you get yourself out of it or figure out how to fix it.

That does sound good but she will probably just freak out and act like he's an asshole. So, I say, hire a private investigator, find out the truth, then give her the opportunity to tell you. Then if she pulls that bull shit, you can pull out the facts.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 284011



If she isn't having an affair, she'll have every right to react that way. Just talking to a male friend on the phone is not proof she's fucking him. He could get a private investigator who would charge him a small fortune to put a key-catcher program on their computer, a tap on the phone, and follow her around for weeks... Or he could just put all that money towards a divorce lawyer. A marriage is meaningless without trust and sex anyway.
Kevin_Martin

User ID: 483253
United States
09/02/2008 03:09 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
You are a paranoid schizophrenic,get help, quit posting on GLP for starters.

Oh And yes all women cheat on their men. many fish in the sea. Go fishing.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 493438



Not all women.
The Boss

User ID: 75886
United States
09/02/2008 03:11 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
You post this with such distance from your wife. It's almost as if you are watching all of this activity from a window and occasionally sticking your hand in the window for some bread crumbs when you are starved, and all the while watch life go by with but a whimper.

I have a suggestion for you.

Get a spine.

I don't mean be an asshole, I mean let her know that her inatention to the needs of the relationship has affected your emotional security and ultimately your marriage.

If she fights you on all points and gets defensive. Get a lawyer she's either fucking around, or stringing you along.

Make no mistake about it. Sex is important.
Pardon me for interrupting your premature celebration, but I thought it only fair to give you a sporting chance as you are new to this game.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 493438
United States
09/02/2008 03:13 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
You are a paranoid schizophrenic,get help, quit posting on GLP for starters.

Oh And yes all women cheat on their men. many fish in the sea. Go fishing.



Not all women.
 Quoting: Kevin_Martin

Yes Kevin ALL women. Grow up.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 352356
United Kingdom
09/02/2008 03:15 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Grow a pair and ask your wife is she is cheating on you. Tell her all the reasons you think she is having an affair and tell her you suspected one or more of the children were fathered by someone else. Say it to her face instead of slandering her to strangers. It's your marriage, you got yourself into it, you get yourself out of it or figure out how to fix it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 495244


She will just deny it. It's naive to think that she will do anything else.
AC-Heater!
User ID: 495860
United States
09/02/2008 03:16 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
DRAMA...DRAMA...DRAMA..DRAMA...AND MORE DRAMA...

Has it every dawned on you (OP) that perhaps you participated in some, perhaps small, way to the issue that you are now faced with? Yes, you participated in some way to "create" the drama, so stop playing the blame game with the wife.

And, above all, please don't use the children as pawns in the game. For the Love of humanity, find a amicable way to stop the drama...please.
The Boss

User ID: 75886
United States
09/02/2008 03:17 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
She will just deny it. It's naive to think that she will do anything else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 352356



Naive? You're a god damned doormat.
Pardon me for interrupting your premature celebration, but I thought it only fair to give you a sporting chance as you are new to this game.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 495456
Canada
09/02/2008 03:18 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
You are a paranoid schizophrenic,get help, quit posting on GLP for starters.

Oh And yes all women cheat on their men. many fish in the sea. Go fishing.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 493438


Douche.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 495244
United States
09/02/2008 03:19 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Grow a pair and ask your wife is she is cheating on you. Tell her all the reasons you think she is having an affair and tell her you suspected one or more of the children were fathered by someone else. Say it to her face instead of slandering her to strangers. It's your marriage, you got yourself into it, you get yourself out of it or figure out how to fix it.


She will just deny it. It's naive to think that she will do anything else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 352356



You missed the point. Whether she is or isn't having an affair, she definitely has a husband who is talking shit about her to anyone who will listen. You've both got problems in your marriage.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 495244
United States
09/02/2008 03:21 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
DRAMA...DRAMA...DRAMA..DRAMA...AND MORE DRAMA...

Has it every dawned on you (OP) that perhaps you participated in some, perhaps small, way to the issue that you are now faced with? Yes, you participated in some way to "create" the drama, so stop playing the blame game with the wife.

And, above all, please don't use the children as pawns in the game. For the Love of humanity, find a amicable way to stop the drama...please.

 Quoting: AC-Heater! 495860


Agreed.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 352356
United Kingdom
09/02/2008 03:22 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
You post this with such distance from your wife. It's almost as if you are watching all of this activity from a window and occasionally sticking your hand in the window for some bread crumbs when you are starved, and all the while watch life go by with but a whimper.

I have a suggestion for you.

Get a spine.

I don't mean be an asshole, I mean let her know that her inatention to the needs of the relationship has affected your emotional security and ultimately your marriage.

If she fights you on all points and gets defensive. Get a lawyer she's either fucking around, or stringing you along.

Make no mistake about it. Sex is important.
 Quoting: The Boss


Oh she just freaks out. Same as when I told her that I suspected that she was having an affair.

If it wasn't for the kids her butt would already be out the door. No way I signed up to a sexless marriage and ultimately she tricked me by letting me think that we would have sex after marriage.

But kids change the game, you can screw up their lives and I have a responsibility to my kids as well as loving them.

She's said on more than one occasion that I should use professionals for sex.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2108
United States
09/02/2008 03:23 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Hire a private investigator.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 284011

If you have the money - DO IT. Because as everybody says, if you guys get divorced, women usually win custody (so I've heard). If you get a P.I. and find out she's cheating, you have proof and can keep your kids.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 352356
United Kingdom
09/02/2008 03:23 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
DRAMA...DRAMA...DRAMA..DRAMA...AND MORE DRAMA...

Has it every dawned on you (OP) that perhaps you participated in some, perhaps small, way to the issue that you are now faced with? Yes, you participated in some way to "create" the drama, so stop playing the blame game with the wife.

And, above all, please don't use the children as pawns in the game. For the Love of humanity, find a amicable way to stop the drama...please.

 Quoting: AC-Heater! 495860


Yes it has.
No I didn't.
And stop being rude.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2108
United States
09/02/2008 03:24 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
You are a paranoid schizophrenic,get help, quit posting on GLP for starters.

Oh And yes all women cheat on their men. many fish in the sea. Go fishing.


Douche.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 495456

agreed.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 450645
United States
09/02/2008 03:24 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
If you are so miserable in your marriage then file for divorce and work out an amicable settlement. Done. You in a community property no-fault state? Easy. Settle your affairs agreeably and you won't even have to go to court.

done.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 495244
United States
09/02/2008 03:26 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Oh she just freaks out. Same as when I told her that I suspected that she was having an affair.

If it wasn't for the kids her butt would already be out the door. No way I signed up to a sexless marriage and ultimately she tricked me by letting me think that we would have sex after marriage.

But kids change the game, you can screw up their lives and I have a responsibility to my kids as well as loving them.

She's said on more than one occasion that I should use professionals for sex.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 352356



So if she started getting into having sex with you again, would that change how you feel about her?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 425325
United States
09/02/2008 03:26 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
If she has cheated on you, and been with a married man, there is no reason to believe that she would be faithful now or with you. Sorry, but it is the honest truth. She is
a woman that is never going to be satisfied. I was with a married man, who I found out that he was not only cheating on his beautiful wife, but also cheating on me the other woman. To this day he has a hard time being faithful. (yes we still TALK), but pretty much the story goes, once a cheater, always a cheater, and since your wife has cheated a few times, she is more then likely doing it again. Does she shower right when she gets home ? Is she reachable during the hours she is away from home ? At any given time? The smell factor, gross, but it holds true.
What are you still doing with her anyways? It's not worth it staying together for the kids. Get out, get divorced, keep your name out of the system (child support), and find yourself another woman who wants YOU !
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 450645
United States
09/02/2008 03:26 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
You know I could be a woman and tell you how I may have cheated on my husband, but the bottom line is why can't you talk to your wife, tell her you are miserable, and tell her you want a divorce?

You have to make a big drama about it and go to war? Why? So you can be a victim?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 450645
United States
09/02/2008 03:27 PM
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Re: Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
Uh - excuse me, but living in a miserable marriage IS screwing up the kids already. Don't kid yourself and use that lame excuse.

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