>>Oh, grow up Guru-boy... most of us here had mothers who loved us unconditionally.
Are you sure about that? Most people were probably told that but the reality of it is very different for alot of people.
Quoting: Poe
After my father died my mother really debunked alot of myths I held about him.
I idolized him and put him on a pedastal, he was a pillar of super human strength right into my middle age.
But after he died, my mother told me that she was pissed off when he told her he didnt want to deal with me, that she should do all the work raising me.
Well, I was kind of shocked...
What an asshole!
But it made me realize that he was, afterall, only human and not such a demi God as I had assumed. I am much more realistic about him and have matured in discussions of him with my older sisters.
Better to have a Pop with faults then a flawless Godlike creature. Believe me,,,
Anonymous Coward User ID: 515171 10/1/2008 5:23 PM
>>No, I am relating to you how others around me describe me. To myself, I am simple. The problem is that MY simple is YOUR complicated.
(by the by, one of my martial arts instructors does the dame job as you... and he hasn't 'cracked' me yet... please save yourself the trouble... I will have you doubting your beliefs in a jiffy. You will be working in a jelly factory before this whole exchange is over with)
>>No, I am relating to you how others around me describe me. To myself, I am simple. The problem is that MY simple is YOUR complicated.
(by the by, one of my martial arts instructors does the dame job as you... and he hasn't 'cracked' me yet... please save yourself the trouble... I will have you doubting your beliefs in a jiffy. You will be working in a jelly factory before this whole exchange is over with)
Quoting: Sinanju 511173
Well to have me doubting my beliefs.... you would need to what mine are.... Cracked... thats for Christmas time when i want some nuts... You?? youre no trouble.... but then i think... Trouble is a subjective word!!! .... And thats coming from an old Cynic
>>Hyper-intelligent, tall dark and handsome, charismatic, opinionated, correct, party like a rockstar, insomniac, antagonistic, hedonistic, strict code of honor, psuedo-death wish....
Voted most likely to become a superhero by the International Martial Arts Association!
looks like I'm at the tail end of anything here.....NINE PAGES...WOW....sounds like you've had a rough go, and for that I'm sorry.....
I don't know if you're the kind of person who can gain a bit from a good sense of humor or not......but this one is one of the old ones in the book......
EVERYONE feels like the world is against them sometimes....and this one is to music! Sometimes, I suppose, if we learn to laugh at ourselves.....we find some way through tough times....
I had a pretty weird mom, too....but my dad was a prize! Somehow he found a way to cure what ailed me most all of my growing up years, through the novelty of Broadway musicals. It worked for me!
If it's inappropriate for your particular ailment...my sincerest apologies....I mean no harm.
But you have to understand that's in your past. The only thing from your past with you now are the bad memories and the bad behaviour.
You can't change your memories, so decide to make good memories for yourself from now on by making your relationship with women from now on good relationships.
You CAN change your behaviour. Right now it reads like you are weak and you expect unrealistic strenght, logic and emotional stability from women.
That is not women to blame. That's you, my friend. You need to become strong. And to do that, you need to become a man. Right now you are still an abused child in your behaviour. You need to become a man.
He is a man irespective of the past... This sort of stuff NEEDS to come out, not locked away in a cupboard. This is part of the problem.... BE A MAN... god how many times does he hear that.... nope and with total respect... he knows he is a MAN, Solutions are many and complex.... but it starts with understanding yourself 1st from a emotional standpoint not nessesarly from a testostorne veiw point.
Quoting: Cynical Realist
Yeah, I agree but only to the point of knowing that he's the problem. Moving on with life isn't about "repression". That Freudian psycho babble is nonsense. Countless hours sitting on a couch talking about the past doesn't achieve any forward movement.
The bottom line is that you are not living in the past, you are living now. The Freudian notion of "repression" is nonsense. Yes, go back to your memories. Yes, if there are things that you don't understand, think about them and try to resolve them if that's possible but keep the balance. Keep the perspective.
Freud was way out of balance. He taught psychiatrists that the past is all important. That means that psychiatrists taught very negative behaviour in their patients by teaching them to live in the past, placing way too much emphasis on the past and giving the past way too much power over the present.
Patients simply did not learn to move on. Life is about what's here right now. The way people respond to you is now, not back in the past. Their bahaviour towards you is based on your PRESENT behaviour towards them. What happened 20 years ago before they knew you has no bearing on their current behaviour towards you. It's what you draw out of them and who you draw close to that affects who does what to you both in their behaviour and who does it.
The point is that Freud hoped that sorting out "unresolved issues" would improve life in the present. But that's crap. You change your life now and the only time that looking back has any value is if something from back then is still bugging you in terms of "why did that happen?" or more importantly "how can I learn from that?".
I.e. the past is only relevant in that it affects your behaviour now both in what you learnt and possibly unresolved issues.
But how you behave now, how your think now... albeit an accumulation of where you came from, it's up to you in the present to change that in the present.
If you think negatively, retrain yourself to think postively.
If you encourage abuse by being a victim, retrain yourself to be more dominant.
If you are running away, no matter how subtle or how convoluted and indirect that running away is, train yourself to stop, turn around, stand your ground and face the present right here, right now.
Freud did none of that. He taught hankering after the past in the hope that some magical silver bullet will correct everything in the present. He was wrong. Plain and simple. Wrong. There were a few specific instances where sorting out "unresolved issues" worked but the problem is that teaching people to live in the past removes from them modifying their present behaviour and attitudes.
I.e. it prolongs the pain.
Anonymous Coward User ID: 397214 10/1/2008 9:43 PM
In a nutshell guys to "pull" the ultimate woman... you will need a dysfunctional willie and a white head of hair on the old "mountain top" And then when you get her you cant do bugger all with it. But as AC 509464 ipmlies.... at least you are empathicaly in tune!!
Quoting: Cynical Realist
But who the hell wants to wind up with some menopausal withered old bag who will sit around on the porch and regale you with stories of all the hot loser guys she got fucked & chucked by when she was young and attractive? What kind of old queer wants to be "empathatic" with someone like that in their old age? Better just to live alone with a quiet dog for company, not some old douchebag who slutted her youth away.
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