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HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 413608
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10/13/2008 03:42 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
If they don't clean up after themselves, serve them dinner on their dirty dishes.
 Quoting: Apocalypse Troll

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Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 03:43 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
Sorry you're having a hard time.

Your problem is with your husband, and not with your kids.


 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 426194

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!
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10/13/2008 03:45 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
get them some playboys and some vaseline.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 385124


The oldest one already sneaks in our bedroom closet when we are not home and get in Dad's. I haven't said anything to either one of them.

All I can say is EWWWWWWWWWW. But I know all teenager boys go through it LOL
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 03:46 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
Had the same basic problem with my Step Daughter ... and all mom said when I brought it up was "She is a good girl and don't you ever say anything again about it or I will divorce you".

Years later that girl is still slovenly, went to college on mom's nickle full time (including room and board) for 7 years and STILL does not have a degree

Oh ... her Mom and I are now finally separated.

Putting up with that CRAP by the kids is NOT going to make it better ... AND as someone above said it is indicative of what your partner thinks of you (obviously not much). At least their dad is not threatening divorce in his support of his kid's actions, which I had to put up, but believe me it will eventually come to that if you and he don't resolve this issue NOW.

Maybe he just wanted a housekeeper/bablysitter/sex playmate and forgot to tell you that when he was dating you.

Maybe a "strike" where you stop cooking, cleaning, and washing clothes for anyone but yourself is the way to break past your husband's resisitance to putting his foot down. It may be you last real chance to keep the marriage together.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 03:47 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
It is a Man's job to teach boys how to become a man......

Your husband need to spend more quality time one on one time with his boys so they can grow up to be men.

you hounding them will not help the situation only make it a lifelong issue with woman.

Encourage your husband to do things with his sons.. fishing, hiking, camping, sports, games....

and enjoy the break-time from them throughly. hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18328
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10/13/2008 03:48 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
get them some playboys and some vaseline.


The oldest one already sneaks in our bedroom closet when we are not home and get in Dad's. I haven't said anything to either one of them.

All I can say is EWWWWWWWWWW. But I know all teenager boys go through it LOL
 Quoting: ! 523897


Then seduce them.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 03:50 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
ALL mothers get irritated with their kids. Natural children would try to test your limits too. Especially teens !!!! Its ok to get frustrated, you are human. It is also ok to have consequences for not doing chores or repsonding dis-respectfully.

My son, at one time, had every single thing in his room taken away from him. Including posters and his door. He eventually earned them all back, but they are subject to removal at any time. My kids do not get to win power play struggles !

I agree with many of the responses here. Refuse to make dinner except for yourself if they do not do dishes. Lay down the law. It doesn't matter if we just bitch, we actually have to take something from them. The more important the transgression the more you take from the child. Computers, phones, video games- all of those are privilages for children NOT rights ! Practice these things with consistancy and you might be surprised with the changes.

Good luck hun !
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 03:50 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
Sorry, OP, but that sounds like pretty typical 11 and 15 yr. old boys (or kids for that matter). I can understand your frustration. "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times!" "How many times do I have to tell you?!" Those words chime in many households. It's pretty normal. It will pass when they grow older and are on their own. Once they realize what happens when you don't have any clean clothes or dishses, and the only one responsible is themselves.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 413608
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10/13/2008 03:51 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
get them some playboys and some vaseline.


The oldest one already sneaks in our bedroom closet when we are not home and get in Dad's. I haven't said anything to either one of them.

All I can say is EWWWWWWWWWW. But I know all teenager boys go through it LOL


Then seduce them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 18328

this is NOT the answer. please ignore this post.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 385124
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10/13/2008 03:53 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
get them some playboys and some vaseline.


The oldest one already sneaks in our bedroom closet when we are not home and get in Dad's. I haven't said anything to either one of them.

All I can say is EWWWWWWWWWW. But I know all teenager boys go through it LOL


Then seduce them.

this is NOT the answer. please ignore this post.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 413608



speak for yourself. lol
Enjoying Beauty in the World

User ID: 500463
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10/13/2008 03:54 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
OP, it sounds like your hubby can afford a housekeeper. I sugggest hiring one. You haven't told me that the kids are stealing from you, or damaging the house, or anything major. Your main complaint that you use for "hating them" is typical kids stuff like laziness. I know it is irritating, but not worthy of hate on your part. You should leave. Your husband will find someone else without difficulty to replace you. No man can love a woman that hates his children.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 03:56 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
I prefer to rule with an iron hand and tight grasp on the pocketbook. Allowance starts at 20 bucks and the slightest infraction causes loss.

They straightened up in a matter of weeks.... about 3 if memory serves me correctly.

The problem isn't that they are teenagers - the problem is that they were not trained properly before becoming teenagers. Children crave and thrive with solid discipline. It's the only way to go.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 03:58 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
The problem isn't that they are teenagers - the problem is that they were not trained properly before becoming teenagers. Children crave and thrive with solid discipline. It's the only way to go.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 473060

bump
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 489235
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10/13/2008 04:03 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
I think the people picking on the OP must not have stepchildren. It is not easy being a stepparent and having to look after someone else's misbehaving child or children, especially when your spouse (their bio-parent) doesn't help you.

OP, I am in a similar situation and I know how you feel. One thing I did was that I instituted "clean up time" before my stepson goes home on Sunday evenings. About an hour before his dad takes him home, he is required to shut down the video games or the computer and help us clean up. I'm not mean or nasty about it, just matter of fact. I tell him, "ok, computer off, it's time to clean up now." I tell my husband the same thing and then let HIM be the policeman, not me. For that hour, we all clean up. For that hour, it is NOT an option to play video games or take out other toys or disappear in the bedroom. If we finish early, he can get back on the computer until it's time to go, but only after I'm satisified with how much he helped clean up.

The other thing is to perhaps lower your standards a little (not too much to where they destroy the house, but will it kill you to have the kitchen a little messy for four days out of the month?) However, if they leave dishes on the table, serve their next meal on the dirty plate. Why not? Also, buy them some microwave dinners. They're old enough to get some of their own meals. But at the end of the weekend, they should help you clean up the kitchen.

Good luck. Being a stepparent is a lot harder than it looks.
Enjoying Beauty in the World

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10/13/2008 04:04 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
I think you resent the $5000 a month that hubby has to send for child support. You hate them for it don't you!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 523897
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10/13/2008 04:04 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
I prefer to rule with an iron hand and tight grasp on the pocketbook. Allowance starts at 20 bucks and the slightest infraction causes loss.

They straightened up in a matter of weeks.... about 3 if memory serves me correctly.

The problem isn't that they are teenagers - the problem is that they were not trained properly before becoming teenagers. Children crave and thrive with solid discipline. It's the only way to go.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 473060


I know they weren't. My Mother in Law told me she was disgusted and anstounded (when the would go visit my hubby when he was married to her) at how filthy the house was. She was a stay at home mom who never lifted a finger. My Hubby would come home from working all day and pick up the house and do dishes and order out dinner.

The boys say they don't have to do anything at Mom's house. I don't give a shit. They will do chores at our house. I don't want 2 worthless, layabouts living with me.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 04:05 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
I think you resent the $5000 a month that hubby has to send for child support. You hate them for it don't you!
 Quoting: Enjoying Beauty in the World

someone got ditched for the new step mommy....
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 523897
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10/13/2008 04:05 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
I think you resent the $5000 a month that hubby has to send for child support. You hate them for it don't you!
 Quoting: Enjoying Beauty in the World


I don't like it but know it must be done for another 6 months. Then he only has to pay child support and I have no problem with that.

You are an asshole.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 523897
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10/13/2008 04:07 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
I think you resent the $5000 a month that hubby has to send for child support. You hate them for it don't you!

someone got ditched for the new step mommy....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 473060



No he was working overseas in Saudi for an oil company sending big bucks home and in the meantime she moved a toy boy in and filed for divorce.

I met him 3 years after they had been divorced.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 04:08 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
Honestly, Would you say these things if they weren't STEP kids..... They are just children and they learn for parents examples.... Remember actions speak louder than words....Show them the love that you desire.....

I hope you don't say awful things or show them your attitude, That WILL NOT work..

I have Three Girls!


I DO show them love! I take them places, I play games with them, I cook them homemade meals and desserts and what I get in return is 2 lazy, self-centered pigs that complain when asked to do a GOD DAMN THING! They whine and complain about putting their dish in the dishwasher. It's sooooo hard! They complain when asked to vaccuumm the living room and then do such a shitty job all the asking, pleading, etc wasn't even worth it.

I'm just sooooooooooooo upset today after a long weekend with them my head and eyes are throbbing from the stress!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 523897


You don't need to defend yourself. You are being taken advantage of. Give your husband a choice, either he makes the kids do them, or he has to do them.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 523897
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10/13/2008 04:10 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
The funny thing is now we are happily married (cept when the weekends are bad with the kids) and she is going through man after man.

She is nothing but a whore.

What I don't understand is...she doesn't want to spend time with her own children and goes out of her way to be away from them, yet dated men with kids. So when we have the kids on our weekends, she still ends up with kids with the men she is dating.

I do feel bad for my step-kids when it comes to that. I never say anything though....sorry kids, your Mom is a whore who is looking for a new hubby for when her maintenance runs out in April. She'd rather spend time with his kids than you.
89446

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Romania
10/13/2008 04:11 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
The oldest only comes out of his room and off his computer for meals. Then he stays up all nights on the weekend. He'll come downstairs and make himself all these elobrate things to eat and then leave ME the fucking dishes!

[////]

Talking, taking money out of their allowance and punishing doesn't seem to matter. What can I do!?! I can't take it anymore.
 Quoting: ! 62603


I don't know how you punish them, but did you try limiting their computer time as punishment? Put a password on it, turn it on only when they're doing their homework or whatever, then turn it off. In several days they'll put the dishes where you want them to.
Sol Dominvs Imperi Romani
Imperium Romanum Sacrum
In Varietate Concordia
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 04:14 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
I'm adding to what I posted a few minutes agoo...I thought you had the kids every other weekend but I think I just read that you have them half time. In that case, I'd enforce a 15 or 30 minute clean up time every evening or every other evening. No reason to put up with slobs half of the time. If they don't cooperate, the computer goes bye bye for awhile.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 04:14 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
The funny thing is now we are happily married (cept when the weekends are bad with the kids) and she is going through man after man.

She is nothing but a whore.

What I don't understand is...she doesn't want to spend time with her own children and goes out of her way to be away from them, yet dated men with kids. So when we have the kids on our weekends, she still ends up with kids with the men she is dating.

I do feel bad for my step-kids when it comes to that. I never say anything though....sorry kids, your Mom is a whore who is looking for a new hubby for when her maintenance runs out in April. She'd rather spend time with his kids than you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 523897


It is hard isn't it, trying to be sensitive to the poor kids who just want to be loved yet have no skills and drive you insane. If your husband is not there to fully support you then you are stuffed.... and you will be sick for a very long time. Your marriage will go down. So, if you can afford it, maybe get a cleaner once a month or so. My situation is different, my 19 step son and I had our first agrument, and my husband threatens to throw him out! I dont want that to happen... it's neve easy with someone elses kids but unfortunately, we don't think of this when we are in love and thing we can conquer everything.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 04:15 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
Why are they getting allowance for doing nothing? Tell them they only get allowance when they've completed all their chores that week. If they skip out, even one meal or chore, no allowance. If they don't mind that, start taking away T.V., games, computer. STOP DOING DISHES. LET THEM PILE IN THE SINK. THEN MAYBE HUBBY WILL GET A CLUE THAT YOU ARE FED UP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 295204


I agree here. Plus, if Hubby does not allow you BOTH to take away their privileges for failing to behave as expected, then he's basically telling you he doesn't CARE how they behave. You have to be on the same page with the discipline or it can't possibly work.

Take all electronics away until they shape up!
Enjoying Beauty in the World

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10/13/2008 04:15 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
OP, your husband will leave you if you "hate" his children. You are sick now without a job. Will you lose health care? Hire the full time house keeper like I suggested. You will have a clean home, and you will be able to rest and get well. Your husband will either be glad that you did, or make changes so that the housekeeper will no longer be needed. This action is a win win. You will have a clean house and save your marriage. Then see if you find another reason to hate the kids. If so, you know that you just resent them and would rather be single.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 04:16 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
Sorry you're having a hard time.

Your problem is with your husband, and not with your kids.

You obviously don't have a united front, and you and your husband need to determine why that is and fix it.

Best wishes.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 426194


I agree with this completely, and I was a step mom to two very difficult teen-age boys. Each time one was about to be institutionalized for one reason or another -- Tourette's, second suicide attempt, whatever -- Mom sent him to Dad. Dad did nothing and I moved out periodically to save my sanity.

If you don't want to do that, get Dad to go to couples counseling if necessary and by all means buy a huge stack of cheap paper plates and lots of microwavable food. Better yet, tell Dad that you aren't available to care for them (i.e. be their slaves) for a while (even two weeks or a month) and he can either take over for a while or they need to stay with their mom.

What we finally did was absolutely nothing. We let the worst kid raise himself while loving him unconditionally and not disciplining him. The other one, who was rapidly becoming more and more obviously gay, we simply supported and encouraged him to be who he was -- a very smart, gay, and artistic poet.

What ultimately happened was both of the sons actually GREW UP! One, who failed out of regular high school and finally graduated from an alternative high now has his MA in social work and makes close to 6 figures for a large metro nonprofit organization. The other one never got a GED, although he reads at a post graduate level and remembers anything anyone tells him (undiagnosed learning disabilities). He got on the job training in HVAC and is now about to become a journeyman plumber after 3 years as an apprentice. I have a great relationship with both of them, although their father died 8 years ago, and the younger one who was so difficult has apologized to me often for him being such a jerk.

Letting yourself be abused does nothing for anybody. Start by getting some counseling support for yourself and then see what happens.
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 04:18 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
Tell your husband he'd better take a belt to their asses, and teach them some manners and respect for living in a nice home and enjoying food, clean clothing, computers, cold drinks, comfy beds, etc.

WHIP THAT ASS ! ! !!!!!
Anonymous Coward
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10/13/2008 04:25 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
tell them to buy plastic plates and cups
Arcaneshift
User ID: 525168
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10/13/2008 04:28 PM
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Re: HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!
This is the reason so many 2nd+ marriages fail - trying to blend an already existing family is difficult.

These kids weren't raised with your values.

Their dad needs to step in. They are his, afterall. To them, you are just the interloper.

Maybe he thought he'd pon off his responsibility onto you once he got remarried. Probably treated the mother that way.

Set him straight, or leave for your healths sake.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 522100

A whole lot of what your saying makes a lot of good sense to me !!!!

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