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Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 153788
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12/10/2008 07:44 AM
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Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
I've recently met someone who suffers from deep depression and is in therapy and on meds. I am no stranger to being depressed and know how it can twist the mind and emotions into a dark hopeless place. I know when I get that way there is not much that can pull me out of it other than my own awareness and a bit of time passing.

I'd like to hear from either someone who suffers from severe depression or is with someone who is. How do you deal with it?

If you are depressed, what is the best thing for the other to do? I figure to be there for the person and listen if needed to be the best course. I don't imagine attempts to 'cheer you up' or 'snap you out of it' go over too well.

I do have an interest in psychology and how the mind works. I'm also pretty spiritual though not at all religious.

I just want to know from those who have been there what the best way to approach this may be.


I've got to go to work but I'll check later on tonight for any replies. Thank you.
-Anti-->

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12/10/2008 07:49 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
I have a similar issue.

I sometimes get horribly depressed, though only due to chemical imbalance, I suppose.

I, a while back, realized something that helps me snap out of depression quite easily.

"If you can still feel sadness, it proves that you have once feel happiness... and if you have felt happiness before, you will feel it again."

The problem is when you get so depressed that you actually DON'T feel sadness... :X

I find that dumb people are easier to pull out of a depression - To deal with someone more intelligent is difficult, because they'll usually have logical or intelligent responses of why they should/be/are depressed.
Signed,
-Anti-->

Industrio-Classical cybernetic brain stimulation for a new world - Darkness is not inherently evil.

[link to www.myspace.com]
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 07:52 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
You don't snap out of depression. That shit haunts you for the rest of your life unless you choose to be zombified by drugs. Professional counseling can help during the lower points but It's a chronic thing no matter what the docs try to tell(sell) you.
your best course of action is to get that person some professional help.
scimitar
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12/10/2008 07:52 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
It's really about redirecting ones attention to something else to break the cycle. I've suffered from momentary bouts of depression all my life.

It is difficult to over come. Mostly it is about realizing that it will eventually pass and in the meantime one must not add to it by dwelling on it. Which I must admit is easier said than done.
OP (OP)
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12/10/2008 07:53 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
OP here with a foot note. My own emotional/mental state is pretty solid and even. I have a lot of empathy and sensitivity but do not fall prey to negative thoughts and feelings as a rule.

I have no desire to be a martyr or caregiver either, but recognize that depression is an illness and am not afraid to be a friend to someone with this condition.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/10/2008 07:57 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
It's really about redirecting ones attention to something else to break the cycle. I've suffered from momentary bouts of depression all my life.

It is difficult to over come. Mostly it is about realizing that it will eventually pass and in the meantime one must not add to it by dwelling on it. Which I must admit is easier said than done.
 Quoting: scimitar 569231



This is more than momentary bouts. This has been going on for many years and yes, the person is on meds and has been getting professional help all along. Very intelligent and an accomplished poet.
scimitar

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12/10/2008 08:00 AM

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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
IMHO it is important to make sure the person realizes that they are looking through a distorted window at life brought on by a biological condition. Have them try to identify what the most prevelent thoughts are that they have while feeling this way and then relate your own feeling about those thoughts as a reference point, that is as long as these thoughts don't depress you as well.

Share your own feelings on things you might not normally talk about to try and redirect their thinking.
One Truth.... many realities
scimitar

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12/10/2008 08:03 AM

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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
OP, Hmmmmm...... strange I always wrote poetry when I was depressed as well. Do the medications help?
One Truth.... many realities
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:03 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
I'm manic depressed all my life...

You make a lot of sense in what you write...

<<<I figure to be there for the person and listen if needed to be the best course. I don't imagine attempts to 'cheer you up' or 'snap you out of it' go over too well.>>>

The hardest part, I think, for others to understand is that it's something that is always there...even when you're upbeat and jesting and what not...

I got a lot of support and sympathy after my first "episode" and diagnosis but after a couple of weeks the attitude shifts towards a "still not recovered? what's taking so long"-attitude...and that's from those who care most and are closest to me...

The biggest help you can give is just excepting him/her for who he/she is and just be there for the person when it's needed. The rest of the time treat the person as a healthy person.

/HTH...
OxygenX

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12/10/2008 08:04 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
My wife suffers BiPolar Disorder, and has the most horrific Depressions I have ever seen. I suffer depression myself occasionally but nothing like on the scale of my other half.

In a pure BiPolar depression, guilt, emotion plays very little in the depression itself and is a pure chemical imbalance (according to theory).

I have found the best way to help is to not do everything for someone who is clinically depressed, they must help themselves to find a way out. Saying things like "Pull yourself together" or "Youll snap out of it" doesnt do any good, you need to be strong enough to say "You are the only one that can get out of the place you are in". Do not take on too many of the tasks the depressed person would normally do, this will only lead to confidence issues with the depressed.

Medication helps, a good Mood stabilizer and Anti Depressents along with natural rememdies such as Using a sun bed (It might sound daft but the UV light is actually good for the brain and helps restore balance) or herbal remedies to calm the mind (depression makes you think over and over again about everything negative)

The other side of the coin with BiPolar is the Manic phase, Control of this is very very difficult and around 90% of people who are HypoManic or Full blown Mania (hypomania sufferers dont usually get psychosis and hallucinations) need to be hospitalized for there own safty, again control and balance can be restored with medication such as Mood stablizers and Anti Psychotics (usually something with tranqs in them to get the suffer to rest) again herbal remedies along with the meds do the best job.
Cheers.
-----------------------------
"Shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes."

"The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine"

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence"
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:11 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
As a side-note...

Professional help WILL not work! Only in crisis-mode they can do some temporarily good by giving meds and counsel but as soon as the crisis as been abated the meds and counsel need to go as well...

The meds are a form of emotional castration. Four years of med-use has scarred me for life. No more.

The counsel, in my experience, equates to brain-washing and simple conformation to society. I guess the underlying thought is..."yes, you are ill. but it's your fault by having this negative attitude."

Most of the help that was useful to me was the support of fellow md's...
scimitar

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12/10/2008 08:13 AM

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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
In the end we each have our own dragons to slay...... Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we don't. One important note! Do not allow yourself to become so entangled with this that you neglect your own psychological needs.
One Truth.... many realities
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:15 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.
OxygenX

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12/10/2008 08:15 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
As a side-note...

Professional help WILL not work! Only in crisis-mode they can do some temporarily good by giving meds and counsel but as soon as the crisis as been abated the meds and counsel need to go as well...

The meds are a form of emotional castration. Four years of med-use has scarred me for life. No more.

The counsel, in my experience, equates to brain-washing and simple conformation to society. I guess the underlying thought is..."yes, you are ill. but it's your fault by having this negative attitude."

Most of the help that was useful to me was the support of fellow md's...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 561632

Anti depressents and Anti Psychotics will work to get you out of the High or Low, your right, but they dont keep you stable. Mood stabilizers are supposed to help but its about getting the right one for the right person. Everyone is different.

Trying to live as stress free as possible is a definate.
Cheers.
-----------------------------
"Shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes."

"The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine"

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence"
OxygenX

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12/10/2008 08:16 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 499294

No, I remind my wife that there are other people and it is not fair on those around her to have to suffer her illness as well, it is a fair comment, although I wouldn't do this if she was Suicidal, I would get her into hospital asap.
Cheers.
-----------------------------
"Shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes."

"The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine"

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence"
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:17 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 499294


You probably will blame a paraplegic for not being able to move and for being a burden on his surroundings...

Not nice...
OxygenX

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12/10/2008 08:18 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.


You probably will blame a paraplegic for not being able to move and for being a burden on his surroundings...

Not nice...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 561632

Not quite the same thing really.
Cheers.
-----------------------------
"Shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes."

"The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine"

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 561632
Netherlands
12/10/2008 08:19 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
As a side-note...

Professional help WILL not work! Only in crisis-mode they can do some temporarily good by giving meds and counsel but as soon as the crisis as been abated the meds and counsel need to go as well...

The meds are a form of emotional castration. Four years of med-use has scarred me for life. No more.

The counsel, in my experience, equates to brain-washing and simple conformation to society. I guess the underlying thought is..."yes, you are ill. but it's your fault by having this negative attitude."

Most of the help that was useful to me was the support of fellow md's...

Anti depressents and Anti Psychotics will work to get you out of the High or Low, your right, but they dont keep you stable. Mood stabilizers are supposed to help but its about getting the right one for the right person. Everyone is different.

Trying to live as stress free as possible is a definate.
 Quoting: OxygenX


LOL, stress-free in Western Civilization...that's a tough one...

But your right different people, different methods...
OxygenX

User ID: 560870
United Kingdom
12/10/2008 08:20 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
As a side-note...

Professional help WILL not work! Only in crisis-mode they can do some temporarily good by giving meds and counsel but as soon as the crisis as been abated the meds and counsel need to go as well...

The meds are a form of emotional castration. Four years of med-use has scarred me for life. No more.

The counsel, in my experience, equates to brain-washing and simple conformation to society. I guess the underlying thought is..."yes, you are ill. but it's your fault by having this negative attitude."

Most of the help that was useful to me was the support of fellow md's...

Anti depressents and Anti Psychotics will work to get you out of the High or Low, your right, but they dont keep you stable. Mood stabilizers are supposed to help but its about getting the right one for the right person. Everyone is different.

Trying to live as stress free as possible is a definate.


LOL, stress-free in Western Civilization...that's a tough one...

But your right different people, different methods...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 561632

Yeah it is tough :) just dealing with the everyday general hustle and bustle is stressful, but using stress relief mechanisms like berathing techniques, massages etc etc help.
Cheers.
-----------------------------
"Shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes."

"The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine"

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence"
childoflight
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12/10/2008 08:21 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
I presume that you and your friend are suffering from an endogenous type depression that comes on without reason. I cannot tell whether either of you have mania sometimes. In any event 'birds of a feather' flock together and I know that if I tell you not to get romantically involved with this person you will not listen unless you are of the same sex and not Gay!That being said it is a huge strain to be involved with someone who is deeply depressed. At first a romantic relationship will help the person,they will be on a type of endorphin high which will make them feel much better, sometimes for 3-4 years. The depression will then, whether or not you are still deeply involved,set in again. As long as your friend keeps taking their medicines and goes for psychotherapy with someone that helps them, life will likely be tolerable but you will find that, as you age, you have less and less energy to give. This will make you feel guilty but you should not. If this is to be a long term romantic relationship you may need a support group for yourself and if your depression worsens as it likely will, you may need medicines and psychotherapy.
While this relationship is still young please find out if there is a history of suicide in the family. If there is realise that you may very well lose your friend suddenly and gruesomely, maybe next week, and maybe in many years but, if it is in the family,the risk is very high! It tends to happen when the person is on their way down into deep depression, or on their way up into mania.
Such a relationship can be a 'Rocky Road' but it can also be very rewarding. Such people can be very talented writers or mucicians,and are often extremely intelligent, and as long as they are not violent, either physically or verbally I would not rule out the relationship entirely if you both have the illness but know that it will be hard for both of you.For someone who is very very ill ECT can be lterally lifesaving! I have seen it myself as a physician.
My Hubby is a 'Concentration Camp survivor', and tends towards a constant-type low grade depression which, as he ages, has worsened a little, but I would not change him for the world! He is the kindest sweetest man that I have ever met. His relationship with his kids has been, and is troubled, as they don't understand him. Mine do better as I have explained the situation to them. His only medicines are 1 1/2 valium a day so this is a very low grade problem.He probably should be on an antidepressant but has as many do, refused to take it after he read the prescription insert! I do get tired sometimes though when he is not well, and am relieved that I am quite a bit younger. I am 58 and he 77 but I feel 77 some days! We have been happily married for 13 years.It has been a blessed time.I hope this helps, and God Bless you both. hf
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:23 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Hi OP.

Sunlight.

Exercise.

Healthy food.

A healthy daily schedule in sync with the world and nature. That means waking up early 5-7 am sometime. Working, exercising, talking to people. Coming home at night, chilling out with lower lights and music. Going to sleep early. Rinse and repeat.
Anonymous Coward
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Netherlands
12/10/2008 08:24 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.


You probably will blame a paraplegic for not being able to move and for being a burden on his surroundings...

Not nice...

Not quite the same thing really.
 Quoting: OxygenX



More the same then doctors like to admit...just like there is no pill to grow new nerves...there is no pill to cure depressions...

You can give a paraplegic all kinds of tech stuff to make life easier for him and his surroundings but it'll only go so far...
Same is true for Manic Depressions (and other forms of mental sickness)...you can give them meds to alleviate the symptoms in order to improve life for the patient and his surroundings...

But...that's just my opinion of course...
OxygenX

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United Kingdom
12/10/2008 08:27 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.


You probably will blame a paraplegic for not being able to move and for being a burden on his surroundings...

Not nice...

Not quite the same thing really.



More the same then doctors like to admit...just like there is no pill to grow new nerves...there is no pill to cure depressions...

You can give a paraplegic all kinds of tech stuff to make life easier for him and his surroundings but it'll only go so far...
Same is true for Manic Depressions (and other forms of mental sickness)...you can give them meds to alleviate the symptoms in order to improve life for the patient and his surroundings...

But...that's just my opinion of course...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 561632

True, but a manci depressed person can cause a massive impact on the lives of people around them without even knowing it and the bouts come and go, a paraplegic is paraplegic all the time.
Cheers.
-----------------------------
"Shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes."

"The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine"

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence"
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:28 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
I think there is a cure to depression. I think the cure is getting over it.
Once you get through one depression & realise that it is temporary, a state of mind or being, and that it will pass, all you have to do is wait for it to go away.
It sounds simple and maybe it doesn't work for everybody but it worked for me after I spent too much time in a bad funk.
The key for me was realising that it would eventually go away, and then I worked-on trying to shorten the time-span.
Once someone notices that they are depressed, I think they should make note of it and monitor the situation.
Staying in bed for weeks at a time is a pretty serious depression that would require a doctor-visit.
Like other people here said-sunlight, exercise...that stuff really works! But sometimes people are feeling so low that they can't force themself to do the things that will help bring them out of it.
When that happens, I think they need professional help and maybe even chemical help.
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:29 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.


You probably will blame a paraplegic for not being able to move and for being a burden on his surroundings...

Not nice...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 561632



I understand your lack of understanding of my comment. It definitely sounds like I'm a prick. But I still feel that happiness is a choice. Everyone has negative thoughts, but some DEDIDE to let them go and choose a more colorful paradigm. I'm sorry, but its not fair to take a shit on others when YOU CAN CONTROL your thoughts. You can't control whether or not you have an arm or a leg.
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:32 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.


You probably will blame a paraplegic for not being able to move and for being a burden on his surroundings...

Not nice...

Not quite the same thing really.



More the same then doctors like to admit...just like there is no pill to grow new nerves...there is no pill to cure depressions...

You can give a paraplegic all kinds of tech stuff to make life easier for him and his surroundings but it'll only go so far...
Same is true for Manic Depressions (and other forms of mental sickness)...you can give them meds to alleviate the symptoms in order to improve life for the patient and his surroundings...

But...that's just my opinion of course...

True, but a manci depressed person can cause a massive impact on the lives of people around them without even knowing it and the bouts come and go, a paraplegic is paraplegic all the time.
 Quoting: OxygenX


And that is what I tried to convey to the OP...

Manic Depression is there ALL the time even when it's not noticeable. And that's the hard part for the people around you...they don't understand...it's like a paraplegic that can walk today but not tomorrow...you cannot explain it to them...
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:32 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
you all don't really have anything wrong with you, it's just big pharma, the media, and countless "studies" telling you this.

Everyone is unique, we have isues, if you feel down or glum, get outside and hike, jump off a cliff with a rope, sky dive, drive 120mph down the hwy(late at night), beat on your wife..do something.

you will be ok in th end. It's a big universe out there, and what us ants do on this blue dot doesn't amount to much..
OxygenX

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12/10/2008 08:32 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
I think there is a cure to depression. I think the cure is getting over it.
Once you get through one depression & realise that it is temporary, a state of mind or being, and that it will pass, all you have to do is wait for it to go away.
It sounds simple and maybe it doesn't work for everybody but it worked for me after I spent too much time in a bad funk.
The key for me was realising that it would eventually go away, and then I worked-on trying to shorten the time-span.
Once someone notices that they are depressed, I think they should make note of it and monitor the situation.
Staying in bed for weeks at a time is a pretty serious depression that would require a doctor-visit.
Like other people here said-sunlight, exercise...that stuff really works! But sometimes people are feeling so low that they can't force themself to do the things that will help bring them out of it.
When that happens, I think they need professional help and maybe even chemical help.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 568088

Your right in that that works for a reactionary depression (depressed due to circumstance or life event)
Its different for a Clinical depression (Depression due to Chemical Imbalance)

I would suggest staying in bed even for 72 hours would not only require a doctor visit but a stay on a psych ward so that meds can be started and care plan can be put in place.
Cheers.
-----------------------------
"Shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes."

"The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine"

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence"
Anonymous Coward
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Netherlands
12/10/2008 08:34 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Is it too hard nosed to remind the person of how tough they can make life on those around them? Its obviously no good to make them feel guilty, but I do feel like we have a responsibility to one another.


You probably will blame a paraplegic for not being able to move and for being a burden on his surroundings...

Not nice...



I understand your lack of understanding of my comment. It definitely sounds like I'm a prick. But I still feel that happiness is a choice. Everyone has negative thoughts, but some DEDIDE to let them go and choose a more colorful paradigm. I'm sorry, but its not fair to take a shit on others when YOU CAN CONTROL your thoughts. You can't control whether or not you have an arm or a leg.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 499294


Yes, you can control your thoughts...to a certain extent...however...you cannot control your feelings...and there in lies the problem of the illness!

And keep in mind it's an illness NOT a choice...
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:34 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
Hi OP.

Sunlight.

Exercise.

Healthy food.

A healthy daily schedule in sync with the world and nature. That means waking up early 5-7 am sometime. Working, exercising, talking to people. Coming home at night, chilling out with lower lights and music. Going to sleep early. Rinse and repeat.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 465333



everyone has a different schedule. I see what your saying thougn. Coming home early in the PM and doing what you say would just make me anxious, I only get going late at night, I am not a day person really, although I do like it sometimes.

I go to the Gym at 10 pm..and leave at midnight..go to bed well about now..and get up to go to work in 5 hours.
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2008 08:37 AM
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Re: Insights for Dealing With Someone With Depression
It's really about redirecting ones attention to something else to break the cycle. I've suffered from momentary bouts of depression all my life.

It is difficult to over come. Mostly it is about realizing that it will eventually pass and in the meantime one must not add to it by dwelling on it. Which I must admit is easier said than done.



This is more than momentary bouts. This has been going on for many years and yes, the person is on meds and has been getting professional help all along. Very intelligent and an accomplished poet.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 153788


Somehow artists are always more likely to suffer from depressions...

News








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