White House Exploring ´Rapture´ Contingency Plans

The White House is reportedly exploring contingency plans in the event that President Bush and other prominent Christians are ´raptured.´ But succession plans are complicated by Vice President Dick Cheney´s poor health and the fact that Representative Tom DeLay, like President Bush, will be summoned to heaven along with millions of other Christians.


Party leaders address presidential succession, security needs in event that President Bush, other believers are summoned to heaven.

By Deanna Swift

WASHINGTON, DC—What if the rapture, the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful followers out of this world, happened on George W. Bush´s watch? Until recently this seemingly far-fetched question was the stuff of Christian message boards. But with the White House well known for putting faith front and center, officials are reportedly at work on a contingency plan spelling out how to run the country in the event that President Bush and other top-ranking Christians are ´raptured.´

White House officials are said to be concerned by a recent up-tick in the Rapture Ready Index, a self-proclaimed prophetic speedometer of end-time activity that monitors such seemingly disparate factors as the crime rate, unemployment, wild weather and the "mark of the Beast," evidence of activity related to the antichrist. The Rapture Ready Index recently reached 157, a high for 2004, pushed upwards by a new CUNY study showing that the number of Pagans in the US has skyrocketed of late. The "mark of the Beast" category was also upgraded as a result of a nation-wide push to replace bar codes product labels with radio tags.



[link to swiftreport.blogs.com]

"The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path..."