I got all "Gooned Up" on Egg Nog last night and knocked over the Christmas tree

I love holiday parties, let the booze flow so you can seem like you enjoy it

:umhuhkissv:



Fuck vodka. When I did beer bong, my fucking friends switched beer with vodka and poured down the tube. 30 minutes later, I passed out in the sofa chair. According to them, I got up then turned to the wall to take a piss then went back to the sofa chair and pass out again. Total blackout.

HEY YOU GUYS!

Did you blow CHUNKS?!

Did you blow CHUNKS?!

Yeah...but that was their pet dog.

Yeah...but that was their pet dog.

WTF? Nobody says 'Gooned up'.

You made that word up and you are a nerd.

yeah, you also could have brought your cousin as a date

WTF? Nobody says 'Gooned up'.

You made that word up and you are a nerd.

at a freinds christmas party last night. I also destroyed a few of thier kids presents.. I don;t think I will be getting an invite back next year.

at a freinds christmas party last night. I also destroyed a few of thier kids presents.. I don;t think I will be getting an invite back next year.

Yeah...but that was their pet dog.

If you have half a hope of being invited anywhere but to an AA Meeting by this group of people you will:

Send flowers and apologize PROFUSELY in writing. You can try the old "I was on some medication and when it mixed with the booze in the eggnog it was obviously too much for me to handle" routine.

Then: Figure out what you destroyed. They host will not probably tell you. You may have to ask other guests. Then hit the toy stores and buy the kids NOT ONLY THE STUFF you wrecked, but another MAJOR present each, too! That's replace what you stepped on or fell on or otherwise destroyed - AND a MAJOR present of greater value. (Think X box, or a 24" FlatScreen to play the games on, or both!) Do NOT deliver these gifts. Have them wrapped by the store, put on cards addressed to the children and SEND THEM VIA MESSENGER to the KIDS - by name. Sign the cards - With Great Affection, a somewhat clumsy Santa's Elf!

THEN, if you have not heard from the parents or family within a day or so, send flowers again. This time a potted tree is even better. But not a small one. The note simply says "Please forgive my idiocy!"

By that time any decent person is getting the idea you are truly sorry and can see you've gone to some expense to atone for your awful behavior. Most will forgive you. When they do, take the full blame for your behavior, tell them how sorry that you are, and keep repeating until they're bored with it and ask you to stop talking about it. Don't stop until they've asked you to at least three times. The reason? To PROVE how horribly you feel.

When they finally forgive you - take a bottle of good champagne with you to the first thing you are ever again invited to. The bottle of Champagne is "just for you two" and if you are expected to bring beer or wine to share - it's IN ADDITION to the Champagne.

If you go thru all of the above and they will not forgive you - then you've either done MORE than you remember or they're total shits who hold grudges far too long. Your only option it to at that point send one final note saying "I've tried. Miss you both. But I won't bother you again..." Your (former?) friend, signature.

And then write them off. Do not speak about them or about the incident to anyone. If they gossip about it, pretend ignorance. Do not mention a word of it to or about it to anyone ever again. This is the end of the friendship. You've caused it with you actions, but they have equal culpability because of refusing a repentant guest forgiveness and a second chance.

I know a guest who puked on a 200k antique rug at an embassy party in Washington. He went thru the above, plus having an expert call them to repair and wash the rug and treat the stain - all at the guest's expense of course. They forgave me in time. Took about a month. If you've been a decent guy up til now and this is a one shot event, then you should be forgiven. If you're just a fucking drunk and this is the culmination of your drinking to date, then you have no right to expect anything.

Good luck and for whatever it's worth, the night I puked on the rug in the embassy I also tried to hit on the ambassador's son - who of course was straight, so he claimed! Not one of my best evenings, I can assure you! But I did finally wangle my ass back into their good graces after sending her a small but exquisite oriental carpet from a very well know collector's showroom. It cost me a pretty penny, but was ultimately worth it.