funny lawyers User ID: 544249 United States 01/25/2009 10:32 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example o f something you forgot? ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We 20 do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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< BR> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I ne ed a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORN EY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: AL L your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral. __________________ _______________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________ And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATT ORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
The Professor User ID: 385883 United States 01/25/2009 11:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? Five stars for some great laughs!!! |
Bob Saget
User ID: 578679 United Kingdom 01/25/2009 11:10 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? I recently found that and a lot more funny stuff here: [ link to www.rinkworks.com] Well worth a read. The chariots of God are tens of thousands, and thousands of thousands. |