Anyone divorce and wish they weren't? | |
i yi yi (OP) User ID: 652428 United States 04/07/2009 10:34 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Passerby User ID: 646534 United States 04/07/2009 10:36 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 103782 United States 04/07/2009 10:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
CRYSTAL in MATRIX User ID: 501458 United States 04/07/2009 10:39 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
StarKissed User ID: 532038 United States 04/07/2009 10:46 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I regret that I married that person and had a child with him. I'm glad I have my daughter, but wish it would have been someone who would have treated her differently. I wish I was married to the RIGHT person, but not the person I divorced. If you can figure out what I just typed...my number is 555-267-7711. heh heh (not really, so don't call it.) She's supposed to be winking, but I don't know what her problem is. Last Edited by StarKissed on 04/07/2009 10:48 PM "Life should not be measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 652446 United States 04/07/2009 10:47 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Yes. I divorced the father of my two children and then remarried. I am now a widow. I look back now and feel that my second marriage, though a happy one to a decent man, lacked the family unity that I had in my first marriage. This has nothing to do with a judgment of my second husband because he was a good man. It's just that knowing now what damage the divorce did to my children and the family unit I would have stayed with my first husband and worked out the problem. I realize now that he was a good man also. It was both our faults. If the spouse is a child abuser, a drunk or a druggie then divorce may be necessary. Otherwise, divorce is not worth what it does to the children. It seems like a good idea and an easy way out but it is not. It's best to try to work things out. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 643266 United States 04/07/2009 10:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 652428 United States 04/07/2009 10:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Regrets? Meh, I sometimes wish I would have done things differently, but hindsight is 20/20 right? Actually, it wouldn't have helped. He is who he is, and vice versa. Quoting: StarKissedI regret that I married that person and had a child with him. I'm glad I have my daughter, but wish it would have been someone who would have treated her differently. I wish I was married to the RIGHT person, but not the person I divorced. If you can figure out what I just typed...my number is 555-267-7711. heh heh (not really, so don't call it.) :rhwink: She's supposed to be winking, but I don't know what her problem is. Yeah baby!1 |
StarKissed User ID: 532038 United States 04/07/2009 10:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Yes. I divorced the father of my two children and then remarried. I am now a widow. I look back now and feel that my second marriage, though a happy one to a decent man, lacked the family unity that I had in my first marriage. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 652446This has nothing to do with a judgment of my second husband because he was a good man. It's just that knowing now what damage the divorce did to my children and the family unit I would have stayed with my first husband and worked out the problem. I realize now that he was a good man also. It was both our faults. If the spouse is a child abuser, a drunk or a druggie then divorce may be necessary. Otherwise, divorce is not worth what it does to the children. It seems like a good idea and an easy way out but it is not. It's best to try to work things out. I hear ya. I feel like my daughter is so screwed up from the divorce...but unfortuneatly, her dad didn't want to be a dad. Staying in that relationship may not have helped her. She is 25 now and she still feels the pain. I can't stomach to be in the same room with him though. At least you have some good memories from your second marriage, and if the children's father love them and treat them right, it will hopefully smooth out when they're older. Sigh, tough times. "Life should not be measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." |
StarKissed User ID: 532038 United States 04/07/2009 10:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Regrets? Meh, I sometimes wish I would have done things differently, but hindsight is 20/20 right? Actually, it wouldn't have helped. He is who he is, and vice versa. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 652428I regret that I married that person and had a child with him. I'm glad I have my daughter, but wish it would have been someone who would have treated her differently. I wish I was married to the RIGHT person, but not the person I divorced. If you can figure out what I just typed...my number is 555-267-7711. heh heh (not really, so don't call it.) She's supposed to be winking, but I don't know what her problem is. Yeah baby!1 Did you call me? ROFL "Life should not be measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." |
rachel User ID: 529732 United States 04/07/2009 10:55 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Yes. I divorced the father of my two children and then remarried. I am now a widow. I look back now and feel that my second marriage, though a happy one to a decent man, lacked the family unity that I had in my first marriage. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 652446This has nothing to do with a judgment of my second husband because he was a good man. It's just that knowing now what damage the divorce did to my children and the family unit I would have stayed with my first husband and worked out the problem. I realize now that he was a good man also. It was both our faults. If the spouse is a child abuser, a drunk or a druggie then divorce may be necessary. Otherwise, divorce is not worth what it does to the children. It seems like a good idea and an easy way out but it is not. It's best to try to work things out. i admire your honesty |
Aquarius 7 User ID: 652036 United States 04/07/2009 10:56 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | //... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 652446... knowing now what damage the divorce did to my children and the family unit I would have stayed with my first husband and worked out the problem. I realize now that he was a good man also. It was both our faults. //... . . That pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject as well. . . . . Cayce: “… The greater portion of Japan must go into the sea. …. then we may know it has begun …”. www.near-death.com/experiences/cayce11.html . "Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle" - Plato . "Those who are at peace in their hearts already are in the Great Shelter of life." ~ Hopi Prophecy . |
User ID 580336 User ID: 580336 Australia 04/07/2009 10:57 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 649277 United States 04/07/2009 10:58 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
centralscrutinizer User ID: 652475 United States 04/07/2009 10:59 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Ever get divorced and wish you hadn't? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 643266I would make this a poll if I could. Im divorced and glad of it. I get lonely at times but thats when the sliance begins to love me and pick me up to the clouds Well said...... The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life. Frank Zappa You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. Frank Zappa |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 652468 United States 04/07/2009 11:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I didn't want a divorce but you can't force someone to stay when they want to leave. Honestly I see him now 8 yrs later and can't imagine how our lives would be. He has turned into such a mean bitter lazy horrible selfish man. He doesnt really want to be a father. I just wish that the kids could have grown up with a 2 parent household...like I did. However seeing how he is, its best they only have me full time. |
Eye aye eye (OP) User ID: 652428 United States 04/07/2009 11:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm 41, married 12.5 years and been with the same woman since I was 24. I am bored and she is boring and sucks the life out of me. We have had a few miscarries. I like one of her sisters and her hubby a lot. I like my wife a lot too. I love her when it gets down to it but she is and always has been an arms length away. She had a minor affair 7 years ago but we patched that up. It was really a case of sexual harrassment at the workplace and she sees that now - she says. She swore nothing happened and I believe her because she told me a ton of other stuff that I wish I did not know. We should probably go to therapy but sometimes I just want to make a clean break which is why I posted the original question. If she kind of strayed once what are the chances she will or has done it again? I know, I suck. OMG- don't look my name up in the phone book. I used a fake last name BTW. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 652321 United States 04/07/2009 11:05 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 649277 United States 04/07/2009 11:05 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Just don't get suckered into marriage. Its a lawyers scam. Who ever has any money will loose most of it. And the lawyers come out of it even richer. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 649277Live with the person. Breed or whatever. But always stay away from any legal bind between you and the other. The smartest thing is to just live with a person and have a glorious life of sex and fun. But once you start having children that all changes. The rule of thumb is you have to seperate within two years. CAuse women by then feel they have you and can use you for whatever they want. So get out of any relationship in 2 years. After a couple of months you can get back with that person if they are not scemeing blood suucking vampires. Or just go land another good squeeze and start over again. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 652468 United States 04/07/2009 11:05 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If she kind of strayed once what are the chances she will or has done it again? Quoting: Eye aye eye 652428Personally I believe (but I'm a scorned bitter been cheated on ex wife).....If they do it once they will do it again..OR have done it more times than they were caught. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 652321 United States 04/07/2009 11:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
StarKissed User ID: 532038 United States 04/07/2009 11:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm 41, married 12.5 years and been with the same woman since I was 24. I am bored and she is boring and sucks the life out of me. We have had a few miscarries. I like one of her sisters and her hubby a lot. I like my wife a lot too. I love her when it gets down to it but she is and always has been an arms length away. She had a minor affair 7 years ago but we patched that up. It was really a case of sexual harrassment at the workplace and she sees that now - she says. She swore nothing happened and I believe her because she told me a ton of other stuff that I wish I did not know. We should probably go to therapy but sometimes I just want to make a clean break which is why I posted the original question. If she kind of strayed once what are the chances she will or has done it again? I know, I suck. Quoting: Eye aye eye 652428OMG- don't look my name up in the phone book. I used a fake last name BTW. Are you cute? LOL Don't worry OP, I won't look your name up...I'm really a man telling lies anyway. ;-) "Life should not be measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 649277 United States 04/07/2009 11:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Divorce should be illegal again or done through the church. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 652321Churches should be places to take a sheet in and that is all. If your dumb enough to get married you deserve to be a slave. Don't get married. Live with the person and enjoy life. Don't breed cause then your stuck with legal responsibilites. Marriage is nothing but a legal game of conquest by women and lawyers. Stay away from that or your screwed. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 652277 United States 04/07/2009 11:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
StarKissed User ID: 532038 United States 04/07/2009 11:13 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If she kind of strayed once what are the chances she will or has done it again? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 652468Personally I believe (but I'm a scorned bitter been cheated on ex wife).....If they do it once they will do it again..OR have done it more times than they were caught. I think I attract men who cheat, so I decided to just for-get-it! Ugh...no energy for that crap any more. I just decided to get a dog...got 2 of them. lol "Life should not be measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 416107 United States 04/07/2009 11:13 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | hear ya. I feel like my daughter is so screwed up from the divorce...but unfortuneatly, her dad didn't want to be a dad. Staying in that relationship may not have helped her. She is 25 now and she still feels the pain. I can't stomach to be in the same room with him though. At least you have some good memories from your second marriage, and if the children's father love them and treat them right, it will hopefully smooth out when they're older. Sigh, tough times. Quoting: StarKissedWell, what it did in my case was bring a very mean step-mother into their lives and since he has them 1/2 time they are miserable 1/2 of the time. There is nothing I can do about it and it is in fact my own fault. My ex is a little weak and is afraid to stand up to his new wife about his kids. She favors her own two from another marriage. She truly is just like the step-mom in Cinderella. And yea-gads! I did this to my own children! In your case it sounds like you didn't have a choice because of the way the father treats your daughter. I feel for you both. I hope that she can get over that pain and use it to better her life. I hope she finds herself someone who will give her the love and attention she deserves that her father was unable to do. It must have been very hard on you to see him treat your daughter like that. I know my ex loves his children. It's just that he's not the type to stick up to "Godzilla" (what my kids call her even though I gently reprimand them on it). He hides when she starts in on them instead of defending them. They have to do all the chores, etc. while she and hers do nothing. My daughter is old enough to talk to him about it and he admits it but still is afraid to do anything. And I put them in this position! I took their secure feelings of family unity away from them. |
I I I (OP) User ID: 652428 United States 04/07/2009 11:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If she kind of strayed once what are the chances she will or has done it again? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 652468Personally I believe (but I'm a scorned bitter been cheated on ex wife).....If they do it once they will do it again..OR have done it more times than they were caught. that just sucks. I went to get a vasectomy but the urologist talked me out of it so she got an IUD or some copper thingy. I just have never fully know what to expect. Like always waiting for the other shoe to drop. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 652495 United States 04/07/2009 11:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If she kind of strayed once what are the chances she will or has done it again? Quoting: I I I 652428Personally I believe (but I'm a scorned bitter been cheated on ex wife).....If they do it once they will do it again..OR have done it more times than they were caught. that just sucks. I went to get a vasectomy but the urologist talked me out of it so she got an IUD or some copper thingy. I just have never fully know what to expect. Like always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hmmm. Don't add kids into it if you aren't sure you want to stay with her. It's the kids that suffer the most in divorces. What was your urologists reason for talking you out of it? So you don't have any kids right now? I also believe that cheaters, whether male of female, will continue their ways. But maybe I'm wrong on that. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 652495 United States 04/07/2009 11:41 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 647678 United States 04/07/2009 11:51 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm 41, married 12.5 years and been with the same woman since I was 24. I am bored and she is boring and sucks the life out of me. We have had a few miscarries. I like one of her sisters and her hubby a lot. I like my wife a lot too. I love her when it gets down to it but she is and always has been an arms length away. She had a minor affair 7 years ago but we patched that up. It was really a case of sexual harrassment at the workplace and she sees that now - she says. She swore nothing happened and I believe her because she told me a ton of other stuff that I wish I did not know. We should probably go to therapy but sometimes I just want to make a clean break which is why I posted the original question. If she kind of strayed once what are the chances she will or has done it again? I know, I suck. Quoting: Eye aye eye 652428OMG- don't look my name up in the phone book. I used a fake last name BTW. Whether she is likely to stray again depends on what caused it in the first place. If you say you are bored, or that she seems at arms length, then I do recommend therapy. She obviously has some kind of issues if she is holding herself away from you when you have been married this long. And you are more than likely not bored, you are confused and not sure what to do about what you see happening. If you have managed to work through an affair, then I would definitely say that seeking therapy is worth it. You both have to see something there that was worth saving at one point and I bet it is still there if you learn how to look for it. A good therapist will teach you two how to communicate and break down barriers. It will suck at first, but once you get through all the hard work, it is so worth it. But be sure that you find a good therapist, one with good recommendations if you can. A bad therapist can ruin what is left of a fragile marriage in no time flat. |