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I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!

 
What would you do?
User ID: 651195
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04/10/2009 09:59 PM
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I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I have found all of this out in the last week. What would you think? What would you do?

1. We got married five months ago and I just found out she is loosing her house because she's 5 months behind on her payments.

2. I went thru the home phone bill and he has been paying for her phone and fax lines, for the last 2 years (even though they divorced 2 years ago)!

3. She just got remarried and he wants to pro-rate her alimony by the number of days she was single last month. Who cares? It's his last payment. Why can't he just pay her, say congrats and write the check? They have been in a fight about it for a month now. WTF?!

4. He is still keeping some of her stuff. He claims it is because he purchased it and it was expensive. It creeps me out and I told him to throw it out or give it to her. Baby pics, blankets, jewelry, her clothes. How normal is this?

I'm so upset I can't talk to him about any of this right now. I'm not even sure what I should do/say. I'm hurt and I expressed that he just does not seem to care. Advice would be appreciated. Thanks
Kanigo2

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04/10/2009 10:01 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
Um duh..


and you dont even have one nut inside you to understand?

help him ya fucktard..


dead thread...

Last Edited by Kanigo2 on 04/10/2009 10:02 PM
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Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:01 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
damned
Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:02 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I never got over my first wife. Ive always loved her more than anyone...ofcourse u never let that be known...
voice
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04/10/2009 10:02 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
Love is a spiritual thing.......sex is a physical thing! There is a difference: Can you not allow for the spiritual side of your husbands being?
Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:03 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
threesome!
rachel
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04/10/2009 10:04 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
o wow i thought once your married to one person its for life? of course he still loves her, especialy if the love was real. what do you think love fades? well in my book it never does. sad situation , i dont understand what marrige means to people these days but i would never go out with someone who was (is) married or have kids unless wife died or up and left him with the kids.
Kanigo2

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04/10/2009 10:06 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
You know what bother me the most about threads like this..

is the op pretends full innocence...


Its just a bad day.. for one of you.. and you want to treat another person this way Opie?


making a thread about how you hurt?


LOL


You are stronger at the moment and he is leaning on you for support..

or the last 5%---he wants is back....


but 95% of the time--- who does he come to?
He is with YOU.

Last Edited by Kanigo2 on 04/10/2009 10:07 PM
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Angel Girl on Cloud 9

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04/10/2009 10:07 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I have found all of this out in the last week. What would you think? What would you do?

1. We got married five months ago and I just found out she is loosing her house because she's 5 months behind on her payments.

2. I went thru the home phone bill and he has been paying for her phone and fax lines, for the last 2 years (even though they divorced 2 years ago)!

3. She just got remarried and he wants to pro-rate her alimony by the number of days she was single last month. Who cares? It's his last payment. Why can't he just pay her, say congrats and write the check? They have been in a fight about it for a month now. WTF?!

4. He is still keeping some of her stuff. He claims it is because he purchased it and it was expensive. It creeps me out and I told him to throw it out or give it to her. Baby pics, blankets, jewelry, her clothes. How normal is this?

I'm so upset I can't talk to him about any of this right now. I'm not even sure what I should do/say. I'm hurt and I expressed that he just does not seem to care. Advice would be appreciated. Thanks
 Quoting: What would you do? 651195



Sorry you are going through this, you sound very hurt and rightfully so. Sometimes you need to unload and let your emotions , fears, and anger out which you are doing on here. SO that is good. You are facing it, which again is good. You are going through an emotional roller coaster , and it doesn't sound like it will end soon. Though her remarriage will help you out :)Sorry to say maybe you got married too soon for him as yes he definitely still loves his ex which means he can't be totally there for you emotionally or physically. People can be cruel on here so just ignore what doesn't work for you.

Hugs and Blessings to you.
"Careful or you will end up in my novel"

Angel
OP (OP)
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04/10/2009 10:07 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I understand that once you love someone you will always love them, even if things don't work out. I don't understand why he wanted to marry me if he's not over her and still paying for her bills, keeping her things, etc... This guy told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, he begged me to marry him. Why, if he still obviously still loves her so much? I feel betrayed and lied to. I married him because I thought he loved me and I loved him. It does not seem that way now. I want to be loved. I don't want to be married to someone who loves someone else. Will he ever love me or will I just be the 2nd wife?
CRYSTAL in MATRIX

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04/10/2009 10:08 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I tend to agree with your assessment...sorry....

he is still feeling obligations toward her that are not indicative of clean break.....
"No guts, no glory!"
Kanigo2

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04/10/2009 10:08 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I wonder what happens the day opie has a bad day and what her,"new husband does"



Hmm.. but we cant see that side... can we?
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Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:09 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I understand that once you love someone you will always love them, even if things don't work out. I don't understand why he wanted to marry me if he's not over her and still paying for her bills, keeping her things, etc... This guy told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, he begged me to marry him. Why, if he still obviously still loves her so much? I feel betrayed and lied to. I married him because I thought he loved me and I loved him. It does not seem that way now. I want to be loved. I don't want to be married to someone who loves someone else. Will he ever love me or will I just be the 2nd wife?
 Quoting: OP 651195

boy that's tough. sorry sugar. but you are the one married to him now. don't lose sight of that. and don't lose him.
Angel Girl on Cloud 9

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04/10/2009 10:10 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
.


but 95% of the time--- who does he come to?
He is with YOU.
 Quoting: Kanigo2


Well Kanigo2 has a point with the above statement .


I am a romantic who doesn't share :) so I can see why it would bother you though OP.
"Careful or you will end up in my novel"

Angel
Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:10 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
My third wife had the body ! dam I miss that .
Kanigo2

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04/10/2009 10:10 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I tend to agree with your assessment...sorry....

he is still feeling obligations toward her that are not indicative of clean break.....
 Quoting: CRYSTAL in MATRIX



THERE ARE NO CLEAN BREAKS! EVER!


get that in your head..


I dare you to say one time crystal, that you have had one so I can call you a liar to your face..

I am not usually this mean..


but that shit you just posted is meaner than anything I COULD EVER SAY.
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"GLP has some batty shit, but yours takes the fucking biscuit "-Disputed-

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Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:12 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
You married a guy who's only been divorced 2 years?

Of course he still has her shit around, she's hardly been gone.

How long did you know this guy before you married him? Were you involved with him before he left his wife? Why did you marry him knowing he had only been divorced for such a short period of time? How long have you been married to him? How long was he married before?
falldown

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04/10/2009 10:13 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
OMG, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY WOMAN HE'S EVER LOVED?!!! HE STILL HAS NICE THOUGHTS TOWARDS HIS FIRST WIFE?!!!

Geez, you'd think adults could handle this crap better. I suppose you only have two choices. Ask him about these things like an adult (not like the drama BS you see on TV 24/7), and then decide based on his reaction whether he's just feeling bad for his first wife, or if he's getting ready to offload you.

Then either express your opinion based on what he says to you (it's possible to actually support his decision, although you'll never see that on Jerry Springer!), or wait till he falls asleep and pour gasoline on him and toss a match. Either way, expect him to be defensive about it, if he thought you'd be cool with it, he would have told you...chances are he expects you to go batshit. Doesn't mean he's particularly out to deceive you, but he's seen the same crap on TV, too.

The other choice is a lot easier...just pretend you're oblivious to it...and wait till the anger from your imagination bursts out, and you find yourself waking up hanging over the bathtub with a knife in one hand, his head in the other, and covered in blood.

Everyone wants to make life so complicated...sheesh...

Last Edited by falldown on 04/10/2009 10:13 PM
~
~
"He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words." ~Elbert Hubbard
Kanigo2

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04/10/2009 10:14 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
OMG, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY WOMAN HE'S EVER LOVED?!!! HE STILL HAS NICE THOUGHTS TOWARDS HIS FIRST WIFE?!!!

Geez, you'd think adults could handle this crap better. I suppose you only have two choices. Confront him about these things like an adult (not like the drama BS you see on TV 24/7), and then decide based on his reaction whether he's just feeling bad for his first wife, or if he's getting ready to offload you.

Then either express your opinion based on what he says to you (it's possible to actually support his decision, although you'll never see that on Jerry Springer!), or wait till he falls asleep and pour gasoline on him and toss a match. Either way, expect him to be defensive about it, if he thought you'd be cool with it, he would have told you...chances are he expects you to go batshit. Doesn't mean he's particularly out to deceive you, but he's seen the same crap on TV, too.

The other choice is a lot easier...just pretend you're oblivious to it...and wait till the anger from your imagination bursts out, and you find yourself waking up hanging over the bathtub with a knife in one hand, his head in the other, and covered in blood.

Everyone wants to make life so complicated...sheesh...
 Quoting: falldown



Faldown rules...

bow to the falldown..
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"GLP has some batty shit, but yours takes the fucking biscuit "-Disputed-

Hurray for Anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.
Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:14 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
falldown craps me up chuckle
Angel Girl on Cloud 9

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04/10/2009 10:15 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
OMG, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY WOMAN HE'S EVER LOVED?!!! HE STILL HAS NICE THOUGHTS TOWARDS HIS FIRST WIFE?!!!

Geez, you'd think adults could handle this crap better. I suppose you only have two choices. Ask him about these things like an adult (not like the drama BS you see on TV 24/7), and then decide based on his reaction whether he's just feeling bad for his first wife, or if he's getting ready to offload you.

Then either express your opinion based on what he says to you (it's possible to actually support his decision, although you'll never see that on Jerry Springer!), or wait till he falls asleep and pour gasoline on him and toss a match. Either way, expect him to be defensive about it, if he thought you'd be cool with it, he would have told you...chances are he expects you to go batshit. Doesn't mean he's particularly out to deceive you, but he's seen the same crap on TV, too.

The other choice is a lot easier...just pretend you're oblivious to it...and wait till the anger from your imagination bursts out, and you find yourself waking up hanging over the bathtub with a knife in one hand, his head in the other, and covered in blood.

Everyone wants to make life so complicated...sheesh...
 Quoting: falldown


falldown honey I always love your posts but um .... the part of keeping the clothes etc is attachment which is more then fine for him but he did remarry and she is the one who has to live with that. That is tough I never would. Just saying.
"Careful or you will end up in my novel"

Angel
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 651195
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04/10/2009 10:19 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
You married a guy who's only been divorced 2 years?

Of course he still has her shit around, she's hardly been gone.

How long did you know this guy before you married him? Were you involved with him before he left his wife? Why did you marry him knowing he had only been divorced for such a short period of time? How long have you been married to him? How long was he married before?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 643190



I was with him for a year before we got married. No I did not know him until after his divorce. His wife left 2 years before the divorce, so he was without her for 4 years before we got married. She took all of her stuff a long time ago, the house had no furniture when I met him. She left him and both of his children for someone else and she has a really bad drinking problem that happened right after she had kids . I have been married to him for 5 months now. He was married to his first wife for 12 years.
Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:20 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
damned
Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:20 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
Meh.

Sounds like he has a little jealousy towards the new husband and some control issues with paying her bills for so long and keeping her stuff.

So what?

She's obviously a piece of work herself if she lets him use money to maintain connection and control.

But, she's a piece of work he doesn't want to be married to, obviously.

Let it go.
Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:21 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
threesome!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 627310

if the x wife and new wife like each other this would work.
Anonymous Coward
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04/10/2009 10:22 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
yeah your self esteem is taking a hit

go find a nice day spa and restore yourself

bring a girlfriend so you can chat
Kanigo2

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04/10/2009 10:24 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
You married a guy who's only been divorced 2 years?

Of course he still has her shit around, she's hardly been gone.

How long did you know this guy before you married him? Were you involved with him before he left his wife? Why did you marry him knowing he had only been divorced for such a short period of time? How long have you been married to him? How long was he married before?



I was with him for a year before we got married. No I did not know him until after his divorce. His wife left 2 years before the divorce, so he was without her for 4 years before we got married. She took all of her stuff a long time ago, the house had no furniture when I met him. She left him and both of his children for someone else and she has a really bad drinking problem that happened right after she had kids . I have been married to him for 5 months now. He was married to his first wife for 12 years.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 651195



Opie..

here--


walk around the next couple MONTHS of your life,, and watch your dreams..

Do you enjoy fucking him?

Do you want a better life than what you have now?


Watch other people.. enjoying love.. and take examples from them.. for gods sake try...


There is a PRICE- YOU HAVE TO PAY..


you are lucky, that is so little.....




You can be anything you want to be.. but you made a promise.. now honor it...completely...


and if that fails... you still did the right thing..

Last Edited by Kanigo2 on 04/10/2009 10:25 PM
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"GLP has some batty shit, but yours takes the fucking biscuit "-Disputed-

Hurray for Anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.
Angel Girl on Cloud 9

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04/10/2009 10:24 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
yeah your self esteem is taking a hit

go find a nice day spa and restore yourself

bring a girlfriend so you can chat
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 103782


Ah ...the spas in California are the very best in the world . Op if you are from there go to Calistoga and have an awesome spa as AC suggested.
"Careful or you will end up in my novel"

Angel
CRYSTAL in MATRIX

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04/10/2009 10:29 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I tend to agree with your assessment...sorry....

he is still feeling obligations toward her that are not indicative of clean break.....



THERE ARE NO CLEAN BREAKS! EVER!


get that in your head..


I dare you to say one time crystal, that you have had one so I can call you a liar to your face..

I am not usually this mean..


but that shit you just posted is meaner than anything I COULD EVER SAY.
 Quoting: Kanigo2


sorry kanigo, didn't mean to hit a nerve. I'm no stranger to loss, mom was killed by drunk driver at 17, sister committed suicide at 24, my youngest bro is now my sis....and my father passed in November, so I guess my point was, you aren't leaving THEM behind, you do the best you can as one that has been LEFT behind, for whatever reason....at which point you choose to carry on....or not. The clean break is from your attachments, no matter why they are necessary.... hf
"No guts, no glory!"
Kanigo2

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04/10/2009 10:32 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I have been down this hole Opie..


again and again..


Thats what weirds me about so many thread here in this dump..


Its the same story-- only the names change.




Look, honestly, do you play poker at all?




love is worse.. Its all in or nothing.. and someone always wins.....


But the best part, is even if you loose--you are fucking the winner..



I hope if you win you have the wisdom to do what is right - for the man you beat down.





---get it?


and dont sweat it crystal.. I know ya got my point.. all is even and sweet... kisses..sorry I had to be hard..

Last Edited by Kanigo2 on 04/10/2009 10:34 PM
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"GLP has some batty shit, but yours takes the fucking biscuit "-Disputed-

Hurray for Anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.
Angel Girl on Cloud 9

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04/10/2009 10:32 PM
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Re: I think my husband is in love with his ex-wife!
I tend to agree with your assessment...sorry....

he is still feeling obligations toward her that are not indicative of clean break.....



THERE ARE NO CLEAN BREAKS! EVER!


get that in your head..


I dare you to say one time crystal, that you have had one so I can call you a liar to your face..

I am not usually this mean..


but that shit you just posted is meaner than anything I COULD EVER SAY.


sorry kanigo, didn't mean to hit a nerve. I'm no stranger to loss, mom was killed by drunk driver at 17, sister committed suicide at 24, my youngest bro is now my sis....and my father passed in November, so I guess my point was, you aren't leaving THEM behind, you do the best you can as one that has been LEFT behind, for whatever reason....at which point you choose to carry on....or not. The clean break is from your attachments, no matter why they are necessary.... hf
 Quoting: CRYSTAL in MATRIX



Ah.... Crystal had to just stop and send you a blessing, prayer and a hug reading that. You are in my thoughts tonight. Sorry off topic but couldn't read about your pain and not respond. hf hugs
"Careful or you will end up in my novel"

Angel

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