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In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 591431
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04/13/2009 12:20 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
How would you interpret this?
:akjes1:
 Quoting: A_Leopard_Sanctuary


Why does Jesus need an armed guard?
shyla (OP)

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04/13/2009 01:07 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
How would you interpret this?
:akjes1:


Why does Jesus need an armed guard?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 591431

Why???
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2009 03:33 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
I think its unlucky to post jokes about Jesus
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 446365
shyla (OP)

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04/13/2009 03:35 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
I think its unlucky to post jokes about Jesus

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 163436

Why?
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2009 03:43 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
chritianity a religion of love and peace? don't make me laugh! just look at this thread! the only ones who are complaining and hating are christians! they are arrogant, evil, intolerant, bullies, hypocrites, phonies and have double standards. they suck!
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2009 03:50 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
chritianity a religion of love and peace? don't make me laugh! just look at this thread! the only ones who are complaining and hating are christians! they are arrogant, evil, intolerant, bullies, hypocrites, phonies and have double standards. they suck!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 591777

No they havent. It was a deliberate provocation and they responded well.

If I was a mod I would pin this thread as an example of how low we as a species have sunk. To make fun of suffering, wether you believe in Jesus or not, suffering that millions in this world are experiencing now by the hands of others, as Jesus did. You dont get much lower than that.
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2009 03:50 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
I think its unlucky to post jokes about Jesus


Why?
 Quoting: shyla

Havent they taught the Law in Wicca?
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2009 03:59 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
chritianity a religion of love and peace? don't make me laugh! just look at this thread! the only ones who are complaining and hating are christians! they are arrogant, evil, intolerant, bullies, hypocrites, phonies and have double standards. they suck!
============
No they havent. It was a deliberate provocation and they responded well.


 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 163436

"deliberate provocation"
fail! it's a joke thread. religious jokes :D you guys are exactly like the guys muslims who killed that danish guy because he made jokes about their "messiah". intolerant.
aonomous beleaver
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04/13/2009 04:00 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Technicially,we would be His jokes neener
The Psychedelic Magi

User ID: 656116
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04/13/2009 04:01 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
No they havent. It was a deliberate provocation and they responded well.

If I was a mod I would pin this thread as an example of how low we as a species have sunk. To make fun of suffering, wether you believe in Jesus or not, suffering that millions in this world are experiencing now by the hands of others, as Jesus did. You dont get much lower than that.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 163436


yes... that's what's going on here...

and such responses as "stopped whoring" are definitely well intended.


fuck you
I WILL NOT let consequences dictate my course of action!

A.K.A - Aresh, Awakened Me, An Ominous Coward (Howard), The Goddess Pandora, Aumon Haht Fith Ashai, Within The Flower and a few others...
------------------------------------

In all things, i am flowing back thru and in and out, within and without and beyond them.

This is the Cosm. This is both I and You.

I am the Truth, and I am the Lie - I am the very spark of the Divine!


------------------
as soon as you even go near these things your ego knows what it is.. its all like "what ya gonna do with that?" "Hope you not gonna take it" "cause i will throw myself down on the floor and scratch, claw and bite and tantrum" - Kyuubi


"the gift of love makes much more sense than frankincense gold and myrhh" - Only Me
The Psychedelic Magi

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04/13/2009 04:02 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Havent they taught the Law in Wicca?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 163436


and, you're right again!


everyone who makes jokes about jesus is a wiccan
I WILL NOT let consequences dictate my course of action!

A.K.A - Aresh, Awakened Me, An Ominous Coward (Howard), The Goddess Pandora, Aumon Haht Fith Ashai, Within The Flower and a few others...
------------------------------------

In all things, i am flowing back thru and in and out, within and without and beyond them.

This is the Cosm. This is both I and You.

I am the Truth, and I am the Lie - I am the very spark of the Divine!


------------------
as soon as you even go near these things your ego knows what it is.. its all like "what ya gonna do with that?" "Hope you not gonna take it" "cause i will throw myself down on the floor and scratch, claw and bite and tantrum" - Kyuubi


"the gift of love makes much more sense than frankincense gold and myrhh" - Only Me
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2009 05:34 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
I think Jesus & the Apostles used to clown around, make jokes and made fun of each other. Yes, some of these are disrespectful and mean-spirited, but some are just jokes, (and JC is probably chuckling at some of them, too. Lighten up.)
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2009 05:40 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
What did Jesus say when he was up on the cross?
"This was one Hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation"
Hadjara Hiba
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United Kingdom
04/13/2009 06:12 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
A Muslim dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "Welcome to heaven my son, please enter!"

The Muslim says "Oh no, no, I cannot enter without seeing Allah." St. Peter says, "Oh... Allah. He is upstairs."
The Muslim says, "Well of course, Allah is upstairs!" He climbs upstairs and meets Jesus.

Jesus says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter!" And the Muslim says "Oh no, no, with all due respect, I cannot enter without seeing Allah."

Jesus says "But of course...Allah is upstairs, top floor."
The Muslim smiles and thinks to himself, "Of course, Allah is on top of heaven itself because He is most high!"

At the final gate he meets the all mighty Lord himself who says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter."

As expected, the Muslim says he cannot enter without meeting Allah, to which the Lord replies "I understand, my child...Allah is here. But he is busy right now. Why don`t you have a seat and wait for him?"

The Muslim is so excited that his Allah is so important, after all he always believed this was so. The Lord says to the Muslim "Why you must be parched, would you like a drink?"

The Muslim says, "Yes, I would like a drink. I would like that very much."

And the Lord asks, "Would you like a coke ?"

The Muslim says "Yes, that sounds good, thank you."

The Lord says, "It does indeed. I think I`ll join you."

And with that the Lord snapped his fingers and said,

"Allah, bring two cokes!"
shyla (OP)

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04/14/2009 12:40 AM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Thanks to all who were open minded enough to enjoy the humor!
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
me
User ID: 648020
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04/14/2009 01:30 AM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
I just want to say
Thanks for the best thread ever!
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2009 11:36 AM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Easter's been cancelled.

Why?

They found the body.

5a
Skrinkles
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04/14/2009 11:45 AM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Why is Shyla such a worthless cunt?
Prof_Rabbit

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04/14/2009 12:10 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
How do you recognize born again Christians, they become childish, immature and selfish all over again!

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
"Anger is a wind that blows out the lamp of your mind"
shyla (OP)

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04/14/2009 09:43 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
I just want to say
Thanks for the best thread ever!
 Quoting: me 648020

anytime! hf
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
shyla (OP)

User ID: 421845
United States
04/14/2009 09:44 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Why is Shyla such a worthless cunt?
 Quoting: Skrinkles 592871

Yet another loving christian response!
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
shyla (OP)

User ID: 421845
United States
04/14/2009 09:45 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
How do you recognize born again Christians, they become childish, immature and selfish all over again!

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
 Quoting: Prof_Rabbit

Rofl
That is one of the best so far that has been posted!
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2009 09:48 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Shyla, are you Jewish by race?
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2009 09:52 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
did you hear the one about Jesus telling everyone to eat his body and drink his blood at a wine adn bread tasting?
The first step to satanism is canablism!!!

or was the punchline...eh...ugh..canabalism...er satan... blood ritual.... what was it?
shyla (OP)

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04/14/2009 09:52 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Shyla, are you Jewish by race?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 656399

Nope
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2009 09:54 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Shyla, are you Jewish by race?

Nope
 Quoting: shyla


Gay, Bi-sexual, Occultist or Pagan?
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2009 09:54 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
the all powerfull daddy of jizzuz watched the murder of his "only sun"...

or he was wathing the other channel.
shyla (OP)

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04/14/2009 10:00 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Shyla, are you Jewish by race?

Nope


Gay, Bi-sexual, Occultist or Pagan?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 656399

Bi-sexual but no religion or belief persay
I do research paganism, occultism, and many others.
I haven't found a complete truth in any though but many truths in each, and also lies.
I think most beliefs have good and worthwhile intentions but many are still lacking.
I am open to all beliefs until they seek to control.
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 609027
Finland
04/14/2009 10:00 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
the all powerfull daddy of jizzuz watched the murder of his "only sun"...

or he was watChing the other channel.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 609027

no biggie...
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2009 10:05 PM
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Re: In honor of easter! Offensive jesus jokes! Post em now before the cristers take the thread over!
Shyla, are you Jewish by race?

Nope


Gay, Bi-sexual, Occultist or Pagan?

Bi-sexual but no religion or belief persay
I do research paganism, occultism, and many others.
I haven't found a complete truth in any though but many truths in each, and also lies.
I think most beliefs have good and worthwhile intentions but many are still lacking.
I am open to all beliefs until they seek to control.
 Quoting: shyla


My bet was that it was Jewish or sexual orientation. Those two groups exhibit the most hatred I've ever witnessed against Christ. I am a Christian and it really doesn't resonate with me to make fun of other "gods." It sounds like you have an axe to grind. How did Christ or his words wound you?

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