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Non PC Jokes

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dschis
User ID: 658956

United States
5/9/2009 10:11 PM
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Non PC Jokes

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For all of the Chauvinists out there

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It’s one of those ‘evolutionary things’ that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”

Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch?
A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: When will women will be equal to men?
A: When they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Fact: In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Fact: I married a Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Fact: Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake.

I will assist each individual in their efforts to become a highly motivated, well disciplined, physically and mentally fit soldier, capable of defeating any enemy on today's modern battlefield.
I will instill pride in all I train. Pride in self, in the Army, and in Country.
I will insist that each soldier meets and maintains the Army standards of military bearing and courtesy, consistent with the highest traditions of the U.S. Army.
I will lead by example, never requiring a soldier to attempt any task I would not do myself.
But first, last, and always, I am an American Soldier. Sworn to defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, both foreign and domestic.

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