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My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 648447
United States
05/17/2009 10:57 AM
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My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 648447
United States
05/17/2009 10:59 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
When he does this, and I get mad and call him on it, he retaliates by pointing a finger at me and saying, "you're always criticizing me."

He pretends not to realize that my anger stems from his broken promises.

I am losing all respect for him. He's in his 50's.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 671494
United States
05/17/2009 11:01 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 648447



hf


Leave him. Then, when he wants to come back, tell him:


You make promises to me, then don't keep them.

For example, you promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and you never bothered to do it.

You don't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.
refugee13

User ID: 655317
United States
05/17/2009 11:01 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Leave his sorry ass...seriously
"Livin' The Dream..."

"Don't believe in anyone, 'cos they'll feel you so much more"

"So break me down if it makes you feel right~and hate me now if it keeps you alright~you can't break me down if it takes all your might~cause I'm so much more than meets the eye..."

"Some people would bitch if their ice cream was cold..."

Anonymous Coward
User ID: 676709
Finland
05/17/2009 11:02 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Women always demand their damn promises. I never promise anything, because you cant be 100% SURE..
Sombra

User ID: 681168
United States
05/17/2009 11:02 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Quit making him promise anything; get yourself a new wedding ring; or you could leave him and start over with someone else who will not fulfill your needs. men are'nt telepathic usually, so you have to be blunt and you also have to take care of your own emotional needs, because our society has beaten that out of them and it is stupid to expect it of any one else but yourself anyway.
Sombra

User ID: 681168
United States
05/17/2009 11:03 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?



hf


Leave him. Then, when he wants to come back, tell him:


You make promises to me, then don't keep them.

For example, you promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and you never bothered to do it.

You don't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 671494


You are just as imature as the OP.
CuriouslyIncognito

User ID: 676780
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05/17/2009 11:03 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Well, a promise is a promise- but damn, really ?

I would also like to offer up that the ring is a symbol- it doesn't really need monetary value. There are things I own that I value far more than my best piece of jewelry :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"....So I told my Mom I was a prostitute because I didn't want her to know I was HERE doing This Shit !!! " by NANCY REED
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.- JD Salinger
SubarcticBeef

User ID: 560939
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05/17/2009 11:03 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
If you need a larger ring, that means you put on a few pounds. Maybe he's having thoughts of trading you in for a sleeker model.
Large and Powerful
[link to i154.photobucket.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 669862
United States
05/17/2009 11:04 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
really a wedding ring is a material indulgence.. if you two are really in love you shouldn't need any material proof given to one another.. if you're not in love you should split up. Do you love him? Does he love you? You should be discussing this with him, not with us.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 619367
United States
05/17/2009 11:04 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 648447


If I may suggest...

When he forgets his promise...incase u cook DONT (atleast for that day or for few days :) )

Find something which will ALERT him or OPEN his eyes. Find his WEAKPOINT. SHAKE it a bit . U get my DRIFT right ? :)
II-Neutron

User ID: 674803
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05/17/2009 11:06 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Oh my, you are......

If you had a real issue this is what I would say.

Next time he goes to promise you something simply say

"You almost never keep your promises. You promise a lot promises and do not follow through on them. I do not want to hold your broken against you so from now on I would like you to keep from making them to me, if you do make them I think it fair to tell you now that I probably will not regard them. You understand right honey?"

Last Edited by II-Neutron on 05/17/2009 11:08 AM
ii.neutron@gmail.com
By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God. Hebrews: 11
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 631867
United States
05/17/2009 11:07 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Tell him straight out. Stop making promises you cant keep
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 222101
United States
05/17/2009 11:11 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 648447

My ex bf did this, luckily I didn't marry him.

Sorry to say this, but this is a form of lying. Sure we'll do this, and go there, if you do this for me, I'll do this for you, etc. They were small things that could be overlooked, maybe he forgot, until they begin to add up into a pattern. It's a passive-aggressive way of putting himself first and always getting his way, and not doing anything he didn't feel like doing, and not working things out.

This is not how an adult thinks.

It turned out there were even bigger lies, involving a married woman with a child. Small lies lead to bigger ones.

I don't know what you can do, but it would take a big thing to shake him up.
Eve_4000Bc

User ID: 585595
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05/17/2009 11:12 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?


Last Edited by Eve_4000Bc on 05/17/2009 11:14 AM
Question authority every time. Ask them how that makes them feel. Ask them why? Ask them when you have an opinion with your opinion and question them with that! There is no being with ALL THE answers accept for God. Even still question. But trust if it's all good and loving then follow with your full heart believing. For the light will always be the light. It makes me a believer.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 680135
United States
05/17/2009 11:13 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
If I may suggest...

When he forgets his promise...incase u cook DONT (atleast for that day or for few days :) )

Find something which will ALERT him or OPEN his eyes. Find his WEAKPOINT. SHAKE it a bit . U get my DRIFT right ? :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 619367

Yes, good idea. It seems that relationships here are set up so that men take for granted the little ways women SHOW that they love their men everyday. They just think it's "your job" or they don't think at all. "Forgetting" to cook, clean, provide him with a lovely home and children are all ways you do this without much action on his part. Love is a verb.

And yes, for those who want to make snide comments about your example with jewelry are missing the point. It's not that you even want the jewelry, it's that you don't want to be LIED TO or mislead. It's worse if he makes these empty promises than if he just never did it because you get excited, look forward to it then doesn't do it than if he just never said anything about it.

Another thought, are you rewarding his behavior? Do you get really excited and have great sex that night? Maybe he's doing it as an easy way to get you excited instead of doing the work.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 681184
United States
05/17/2009 11:15 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
The only person's behaviour you can really change is your own. Stop expecting this man who is in his 50's to change and suddenly start keeping his promises. I'm with Sombra on this, buy yourself a new ring if it's that important to you.
Sombra

User ID: 681168
United States
05/17/2009 11:16 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?


If I may suggest...

When he forgets his promise...incase u cook DONT (atleast for that day or for few days :) )

Find something which will ALERT him or OPEN his eyes. Find his WEAKPOINT. SHAKE it a bit . U get my DRIFT right ? :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 619367



What the hell is wrong with saying (like a grown up), "Hey, when are you going to get me that ring you promised?" Maybe he thinks there is not enough money. Maybe you should just take the ring you have to a jewler and have it enlarged. What twits!
Sombra

User ID: 681168
United States
05/17/2009 11:16 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?


If I may suggest...

When he forgets his promise...incase u cook DONT (atleast for that day or for few days :) )

Find something which will ALERT him or OPEN his eyes. Find his WEAKPOINT. SHAKE it a bit . U get my DRIFT right ? :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 619367



What the hell is wrong with saying (like a grown up), "Hey, when are you going to get me that ring you promised?" Maybe he thinks there is not enough money. Maybe you should just take the ring you have to a jewler and have it enlarged. What twits!
WomanInBlack

User ID: 671963
Canada
05/17/2009 11:16 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Umm...it is a ring. Merely a material object. While I agree that breaking a promise is disconcerting, try to keep that in mind.
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.

Les Ruines De La Modernité-Pendaison De L'Humanité
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 611638
United Kingdom
05/17/2009 11:16 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
You sound very needy.
Sombra

User ID: 681168
United States
05/17/2009 11:18 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
If I may suggest...

When he forgets his promise...incase u cook DONT (atleast for that day or for few days :) )

Find something which will ALERT him or OPEN his eyes. Find his WEAKPOINT. SHAKE it a bit . U get my DRIFT right ? :)

Yes, good idea. It seems that relationships here are set up so that men take for granted the little ways women SHOW that they love their men everyday. They just think it's "your job" or they don't think at all. "Forgetting" to cook, clean, provide him with a lovely home and children are all ways you do this without much action on his part. Love is a verb.

And yes, for those who want to make snide comments about your example with jewelry are missing the point. It's not that you even want the jewelry, it's that you don't want to be LIED TO or mislead. It's worse if he makes these empty promises than if he just never did it because you get excited, look forward to it then doesn't do it than if he just never said anything about it.

Another thought, are you rewarding his behavior? Do you get really excited and have great sex that night? Maybe he's doing it as an easy way to get you excited instead of doing the work.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 680135


It goes both ways.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 385122
United States
05/17/2009 11:31 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 648447



Life only rewards those who show TRUE strength in dealing with others. In other words tell him since his word IS SHIT you have lost all respect for him and are LEAVING. Say it with strong demeanor NO emotion. Show him just how fast his sorry ass can get kicked to the curb. That will wake him up and hopefully be a better person for the next sorry sap that comes along. Any idiot on here ragging on you for this is probablyy the same type of loser like the one you're married to.
PatrikC325

User ID: 587469
United States
05/17/2009 11:33 AM

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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them.

For example, he promised to buy me a new wedding ring because mine is too small. But months went by and he never bothered to do it.

He doesn't seem to understand how demeaning and disrespectful that is. I mean, a wedding ring! It stands for something.

What should I do to make him understand how bad that is?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 648447



Leave him and i bet he will realize how happy he will be without a whiny one like you!

The ring is not demeaning unless you are superficial!
The beauty of the ring is in the meaning not the size!
Dr Bill
User ID: 679335
United States
05/17/2009 11:39 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Neither of you are kids, and he probably isn't going to change. Don't extract any promises from him, and if he does make a promise, tell him you'll believe it when you see it.
If you want another wedding ring, pick one out, and drag his ass down to pay for it. Expect to provide some extra special sex for it.

If this is his only flaw, It's not worth divorcing him over. Divorce is a terrible thing that will totally change your life and your kids lives.

Don't get into any childish tit for tat exchanges. Either you love him, or you don't.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 679335
United States
05/17/2009 11:41 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
Neither of you are kids, and he probably isn't going to change. Don't extract any promises from him, and if he does make a promise, tell him you'll believe it when you see it.
If you want another wedding ring, pick one out, and drag his ass down to pay for it. Expect to provide some extra special sex for it.

If this is his only flaw, It's not worth divorcing him over. Divorce is a terrible thing that will totally change your life and your kids lives.

Don't get into any childish tit for tat exchanges. Either you love him, or you don't.
 Quoting: Dr Bill 679335



Ps, give him a chance to help you pick out the ring, so he can't complain about it. If he won't help, then suit yourself, and try to be reasonable according to your resources.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 429261
United States
05/17/2009 11:42 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
When he makes a promise write it down and have him sign it.

Then tape it to the bathroom mirror with the date signed.

He will be shamed into keeping his promises.

As for the ring, if you don't have it in writing then the shameful bastard may deny it.

.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 648447
United States
05/17/2009 11:55 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
I am mostly upset about the broken promise because it was HIS IDEA to make the promise. I never suggested it.

He is clearly passive-aggressive.
Sombra

User ID: 681168
United States
05/17/2009 11:59 AM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
I am mostly upset about the broken promise because it was HIS IDEA to make the promise. I never suggested it.

He is clearly passive-aggressive.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 648447


Who is passive aggressive? You are talking to us instead of him. Be a grown up and ask him about it. Was he drunk when he promised?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 670002
United States
05/17/2009 12:00 PM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
He's telling you what you want to hear so you SHUT UP!
Actions are louder than words, listen to what he's showing you.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 648447
United States
05/17/2009 12:01 PM
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Re: My husband makes promises to me, then doesn't keep them. How do I get him to stop?
It seems that relationships here are set up so that men take for granted the little ways women SHOW that they love their men everyday. They just think it's "your job" or they don't think at all. "Forgetting" to cook, clean, provide him with a lovely home and children are all ways you do this without much action on his part. Love is a verb.

And yes, for those who want to make snide comments about your example with jewelry are missing the point. It's not that you even want the jewelry, it's that you don't want to be LIED TO or misled. It's worse if he makes these empty promises than if he just never did it, because you get excited, look forward to it then he doesn't do it, than if he just never said anything about it.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 680135


Exactly. You understand completely.