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In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection

 
Heart Broken
User ID: 51401
Canada
05/18/2009 10:42 PM
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In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
What is love? What does it mean to say "I love you"? What should a person expect from another once those words are evoked? What happens when those words are spoken, and then you ignore the person you proclaimed your love to? And how would this effect a budding relationship? Is it wrong to expect that when two people fall in love, that they should mean enough to each other to keep in contact? Or can it be that love is more than that? Does love need to be nurtured in order to continue to be felt, or will it disappear if left alone and unreturned?

Are friendships fragile in the beginning, and in need of attention, until the two people become accustomed to each other and comfortable being apart? Is it any different in a intimate relationship between a man and a woman? How important is communication to any kind of relationship? And is it unhealthy to feel rejected or unwanted when somebody tells you they love you, and then stop talking to you right afterward?

How would you feel if you found the love of your life, and love was mutually expressed, yet suddenly, that person began ignoring you? Would you feel rejected, or distraught? Would it lead you to believe that this newfound love wasn't true, regardless of the reasons for the lack of attention? How would you react if this were to happen to you? Would you express your feelings? Would you ask for an explanation? Or would you give up without even knowing why it happened?

And if you knew that this person could find the time, even if only a minute spent sending a text message to show they care, yet didn't, how would this make you feel? If they claim they are simply too busy to talk to you, yet you find them spending hours online, how important would you feel you are to that person?

I am seeking serious answers, and discussion on the questions I put forward in this thread. Please, if you only seek to say hurtful words, go to a different thread. I do not feel like being ridiculed, and only seek honest help from caring individuals.

I may not have been able to fully articulate what I am trying to ask, but with these questions, I may have gotten very close. Please help me to understand what the correct answers to my questions would be, because I am confused as to how I should be feeling about the situation I find myself in.

I have already done much to figure this out on my own, yet nothing seems to encourage me, or to alleviate this feeling I have inside of me. I want to believe everything is OK, yet experience has shown me that this kind of situation is usually a good sign of a failing relationship, be it intimate, friendship, business, or otherwise. I am of the opinion that lack of communication is the single most destructive thing that could happen to any relationship, yet my hands are tied, and I can do nothing about it, but turn and walk away. This is something I dearly do not want to do. So I seek answers.

Please help me by giving me your insights into these questions. Your answers will better help me to understand what is normal, and what is the right thing to do, by gauging the hypothetical reactions of other human beings who could experience the same situation.

Thank you.
pssststarwars

User ID: 682220
United States
05/18/2009 10:46 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection

tomato
[link to 100777.com]
[link to jahtruth.net]

Let it be Fun and Exciting is in fact our command to let this good and right thing be so.
It is done.
Amen!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 659821
United States
05/18/2009 10:47 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
Read The Presence Process by Michael Brown. It's a life changing book and helps 'evolve' your own emotions, heal old wounds. For most people, there are 'themes' to their lives and they are cyclical until you heal yourself. Rejection is a big one and will keep coming back until you are able to find in yourself what you need to heal. The things tucked away in ourselves, our own buried feelings (subconscious really) don't go away. Feelings are magnetic and even though you can ignore something for decades (or lifetimes) it's still there in your magnetic field attracting more of the same until you 'get it'.

I'm sorry you're sad and your heart is broken. (((hugs)))
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 682288
United States
05/18/2009 10:49 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
Heartbroken,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Most of us have been there at one time.

I strongly urge you to read the book "He's Just Not That Into You." I so wish this book had existed when I was about 17 -- it would have made my love life so much saner and happier.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 682244
United States
05/18/2009 10:49 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
Many of us grow up with idealized visions of relationships from parents that sugar coat it or Hollywood and TV stories.
perhaps this will help you to overstand things a bit more.



Best thing to do is to avoid attachment to things. That way if they leave you still have what you have and don't have what you don't have and you will have things that you don't yet have.
pssststarwars

User ID: 682220
United States
05/18/2009 10:49 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
THIS IS A GREAT MYSTERY

MARRIAGE GUIDANCE



By D. P. Grafton

Edited; Corrected and Supplemented by JAH

[link to jahtruth.net]

keep on keeping on...



stoner
[link to 100777.com]
[link to jahtruth.net]

Let it be Fun and Exciting is in fact our command to let this good and right thing be so.
It is done.
Amen!
Sandpiper
User ID: 682291
United States
05/18/2009 10:51 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
I wish I cold tell you what you want to hear. Love is something that can tear us up or bring us the most wonderful feelings. It is often said it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. There is someone for you, if this person doesn't return your love, then one day, someone will and you will forget this pain. Sometimes when we have that deep feeling of loss, then we can fully appreciate the time when it comes around and is everything we hoped for. Good luck to you and may love find you worthy soon.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 682292
United States
05/18/2009 10:54 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
How long has it been since you spoke with this person? Are we talking weeks, months, or hours?
Angst Wiper

User ID: 153788
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05/18/2009 10:56 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
If you're smart, you'll spend your whole life really looking into this question.

The realizations you may come to may sound trite when put into words, but if you really 'get it', then you will.

A lot of what passes for love is not love at all. You have to go into it all ... inside yourself and out.... feel it all, accept what you learn, then unlearn it and go a bit deeper.
InfoFront

User ID: 530466
United States
05/18/2009 10:57 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
Well OP, I believe love is more of a process than a monolith. Love depends on the process of discovery and surprise between partners. Put another way, to stay in love with someone, you must be constantly discovering new things about them. Otherwise, the relationship gets stale and you get sick of each other.

If your lover grew out of love, or got sick of you, it could mean that you did not keep opening up and exposing new parts of yourself. Perhaps you don't know yourself well enough, and you did share all you could about yourself. In that case, you need to launch a self-discovery campaign.

hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 673975
United States
05/18/2009 11:01 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
I dont know. But people and I think mainly women, have changed the meaning of love. Love no longer means love that can be shared with anyone. Love is now only for people whose sexual attraction are strong enough.
Enaid

User ID: 515273
United States
05/18/2009 11:08 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
Are you married?
Do you live together?

--

I suggest it is time to go your own way. Would def. be easier if you are not married or living together.

Just because you love someone doesn't necessary mean you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with them.


It is easy for people to say they love and not really know what love is. I believe because there is so little love in this world - that many people don't know what love really is. The world today is so filled with self-serving emotions and behaviors.

Also - someone you love can't read your mind. So, if you have needs that aren't being met - maybe you should talk to a counselor who can help you. They could help you approach your friend and talk with them.

Last Edited by Enaid on 05/18/2009 11:10 PM
Personal responsibility - try it sometime. Quit blaming others for your bad choices. Consequences happen.

:enaid11:
Heart Broken (OP)
User ID: 51401
Canada
05/18/2009 11:17 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
How long has it been since you spoke with this person? Are we talking weeks, months, or hours?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 682292

I'm not sure how to answer this properly.

In all honesty, it's only been a few days. But in the scheme of things, it has actually been a few weeks. Yes, we have talked a bit other than the past few days, but there seems to be a big change. The passion we felt for each other, and the longing between us culminated one evening a few weeks back, and then nothing. The pronouncements of love were made, and then this person seemed to vanish.

We have spoken a bit since then, but only small talk with my expressions of love seemingly being ignored, along with multiple questions that have gone unanswered. None of the questions are important at all, it's just that they were ignored. I felt as though something had changed, and expressed my feelings, was able to talk a bit more, and since then, not a single word.

I understand that life can be hectic at times, and I understand that this person may well just be busy. But to me, communication is very important in any relationship, and it must be two way. I continue to proclaim my love, yet I still hear no response.

And this is what I don't understand. I am able to find the time, even during a very busy day, to send a quick message of love to those I cherish. I am able to find the time to show that I care even in the most complicated of circumstances. But there is a person I have met, that has expressed an immense interest in me, and love for me, yet suddenly they can't find the time to just say, "I am thinking of you! Have a great day!".

It really is the little things that count, and small gestures like this go a long way to maintaining a loving relationship. Even in such cases as a business relationship, your boss would expect you to check in periodically to let him know how the job is going. If you do not, you won't have a job for very long. I myself am an independent contractor, and I always, without fail, let my customers know how the work is going, so that they are not left in the dark about what is going on. Communication is very important, and it will always ensure that the relationship is a good one.

I even expressed my feelings of how important communication is in the beginning of this relationship, and this person agreed whole-heartedly about it's importance. Which only leads me to more confusion. Why, if this person feels communication is so important, would they not bother to communicate, even after being reminded of it's importance, and the results of a lack of communication?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 657909
United States
05/18/2009 11:28 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
OP, it's pretty clear that he's bangin some other chick. Either accept that or move on to the next asshole.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 106290
United States
05/18/2009 11:39 PM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
OP, assuming this wasn't a one night stand that meant something to you and meant only sex for him and he's not trying to dump you, could it be that what you see as a failing relationship, could mean a secure relationship to him? Secure enough that he feels he's got you and now the niceties aren't necessary?

It seems that women are ruled more by emotion; men by logic.Or what they perceive to be logic.

Did you ever notice how women have many different thoughts about a situation? Does he love me? Did he ever love me? Was he lying? What did I do wrong? It it me? Is it him?
This hurts. Doesn't it bother him?

A man thinks. Must be pms. She's acting funny/grumpy/ or clingy. Problem solved. He resolves the situation with one thought.

If it's discussed, it'll be the woman who brings it up. A woman can say she feels neglected, hurt, abandoned, and a man understands completely. It's that time of month.Take an aspirin.

He doesn't want to hear about emotions or feelings. If he's involved, he wants facts that will help him solve the problem. Very few facts.

While you're trying to discuss all the emotions and feelings, he's wanting you to state the problem with one sentence and he may or may not try to resolve it. Once he's done that, he's fine.

Women feel close by sharing emotions. Guys feel close by sharing sports and competition.

Did you ever take a drive with a guy and want to sight see, check things out, enjoy and savor it, while he's watching the speedometer and the rear view mirror, thoroughly enjoying his quest to accomplish his goal and get somewhere in record time? Beat his last time?

Conquering. And the risk. Can he make it in record time without getting a speeding ticket?

If he does, by the time you get to your destination and you're fingers have turned white from clenching the seat belt, he's relaxed. There was a challenge, he met it, and he's ready.

They think differently and though it's hard to deal with, it may be equally hard for him. If your relationship grows, it's my guess that the time will come that you'll be in a situation that your emotions are running high, and his logic will save the day. When/if that happens, you'll see the strength and commitment that you can't now see. I'm hoping for you. hf
Earth Daughter

User ID: 312775
United States
05/18/2009 11:40 PM

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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
OP, I'm sorry for your pain.

There is an agreement from the Four Agreements that, if practiced, would help you get through most disappointments in life.

Agreement #2: Never take anything personally.

I too have a tendency to think there must be something wrong with me if someone does something shitty. But then I try to keep this agreement in mind.

Keep in mind that he is the one responsible for his own actions, not you. You can ony control your reaction.

Repeat again and again: Never take anything personally.

In the end, how you treat yourself is infinately more important than anything someone can 'do' to you. Afterall, it is the only thing you have control over.
"Arrows of hate have been shot at me too, but they never hit me, because somehow they belonged to another world, with which I have no connection whatsoever." - Albert Einstein
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 682329
United States
05/19/2009 12:37 AM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
'Resect Yourself'
[link to www.youtube.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 682329
United States
05/19/2009 12:42 AM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
"Respect Yourself"
Anonymous Coward
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05/19/2009 12:44 AM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
The worse thing you can do is chase this person. If they do love you they will also pursue you. Back off some and see what happens. Alot of people especially early in a relationship want a challenge. I'm not saying be rude or anything, but let them know you have a life outside of them. If you think they are trying to dump you it feels better to dump them first. This just might not be the right person for you. (Eventhough, you do love them now) When you do find the right person you'll be glad you let this person go , if it comes to that. Good luck and don't give up on love. Most of us have been rejected and went on to find someone that loves just as much as we do them. That's what true love is. You want have to wonder if your loved.
mr...bojangles

User ID: 681201
Mexico
05/19/2009 12:46 AM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
a person that does not love god...

can not love you....
Beyond one's own mind there is no dazzling light to come shining in from outside to wake one up. If one recognizes one's own intrinsic State as pure from the beginning and only temporarily obscured by impurities, and if one maintains the presence of this recognition without becoming distracted, then all the impurities dissolve. This is the essence of the Path-namkhai norbu.

Why is there a legend about the descent of Christ into hell? The Teacher addressed the lower strata of the astral world, saying: �Why, by cherishing earthly thoughts, bind oneself eternally to Earth?� And many revolted in spirit and rose higher.
Thread: I shot video of the earth from my spacecraft, enjoy!
Anonymous Coward
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05/19/2009 12:46 AM
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Re: In need of a serious discussion about love, and understanding feelings of rejection
To some people love is a hostile act. It is very, very demanding. Most people are not ready to pursue love and all that comes with it.
When I was younger I did not want to reproduce, so I had to leave every man who wanted to impregnate me and keep me trapped for a lifetime.
Not having a child was the hardest thing imaginable. I suffered so much, but most people should not be reproducing.
Shakespeare, aka, the Earl of Oxford, and numerous other writers idealized love, which was to them a form of worship of youth and beauty. I too used to go crazy mad for beautiful men. It was silly and meaningless and shallow. I cared about nothing else but their physical beauty. That is the only thing that affected me.

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