God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time

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God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time Tweet
mu1ti Offer Upgrade User ID: 676530 Australia 05/19/2009 12:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time "The old version of Scripture wasn't really reaching people any more," He explained at a press conference. [link to notthelatimes.com] "It was curious to think that the sky was the same for everybody, in Eurasia or Eastasia as well as here. And the people under the sky were also very much the same--everywhere, all over the world, hundreds or thousands of millions of people just like this, people ignorant of one another's existence, held apart by walls of hatred and lies, and yet almost exactly the same--people who had never learned to think but were storing up in their hearts and bellies and muscles the power that would one day overturn the world." - George Orwell, 1984 [link to thesecrettempleofit.blogspot.com]

JimTheOwl Subtlety not used here. Mostly. User ID: 587926 United States 05/19/2009 12:56 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time "The old version of Scripture wasn't really reaching people any more," He explained at a press conference. Quoting: mu1ti Stop it!! Heh hee heh "I hear what you are saying, but I'm not really listening to you."
mu1ti (OP) User ID: 676530 Australia 05/19/2009 01:17 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time "The Lord is my iPhone. If I need to visit a pasture, there's an app for that. If I need to walk the valley of death, there's an app for that." "It was curious to think that the sky was the same for everybody, in Eurasia or Eastasia as well as here. And the people under the sky were also very much the same--everywhere, all over the world, hundreds or thousands of millions of people just like this, people ignorant of one another's existence, held apart by walls of hatred and lies, and yet almost exactly the same--people who had never learned to think but were storing up in their hearts and bellies and muscles the power that would one day overturn the world." - George Orwell, 1984 [link to thesecrettempleofit.blogspot.com]
Anonymous Coward User ID: 682365 United States 05/19/2009 01:18 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time "The old version of Scripture wasn't really reaching people any more," He explained at a press conference. [link to notthelatimes.com] Quoting: mu1ti IDIOT
Normal Is Subjective User ID: 682333 Canada 05/19/2009 01:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time Gods facebook page, can a goldstar please upload this?: [link to unreasonablefaith.com] I thought I'd beat the inevitibility of death to death just a little bit.
Lizard Of Id User ID: 575952 United States 05/19/2009 01:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time LMAO :5: :5: :5: :5: :5: :5:
Anonymous Coward User ID: 672705 United States 05/19/2009 01:32 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time WEll its good to know that God is using technology. Smart deity. Thats how Obozo won the election and its why conservatives will keep losing unless they get with the program. Well that and lots of other things.
Normal Is Subjective User ID: 682333 Canada 05/19/2009 01:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time Times are tough everywhere: Economic meltdown hits afterlife God lays off angels, replaces Islam's 72 virgins with inflatable dolls, and switches bright light at end of tunnel to a low-watt bulb. By Dan Alighieri, Staff Writer Forget about streets paved with gold and rivers flowing with jewels. The recession has spread to Heaven. Theologians trace the crisis to a Bible passage in which Jesus promised followers, "In my Father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you." That set off a heavenly real-estate boom – and a lot of questionable financing, said Vatican economist Max Weber. "It took 2,000 years, but the bubble finally burst." The result has been a series of afterlife cutbacks, including angel layoffs, outsourcing prayer requests to a call center in India, and replacing the long tunnel and bright light that people encounter after dying with a drainage pipe and compact fluorescent bulb. Even the thermostat in Hell has been dialed down to a balmy 85 degrees to control energy costs. All religions have been affected: • Muslim martyrs expecting to spend eternity with 72 virgins will now have to make do with inflatable dolls. • Dead Mormons hoping to rule their own planets in the hereafter will instead receive control of a time-share planet for two weeks a year. [link to notthelatimes.com] I thought I'd beat the inevitibility of death to death just a little bit.
Ben Linus Mod Emeritus User ID: 287257 United States 05/19/2009 01:34 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time you don't know what you are talking about In 2012 the Fandango Rangers prevented 23,653 attacks on the American people. 10% Internal Threats 20% International Terrorists 15% Obama zombies 30% Extraterrestrial 15% Extradimensional
mu1ti (OP) User ID: 676530 Australia 05/19/2009 01:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time • Muslim martyrs expecting to spend eternity with 72 virgins will now have to make do with inflatable dolls. • Dead Mormons hoping to rule their own planets in the hereafter will instead receive control of a time-share planet for two weeks a year. [link to notthelatimes.com] Quoting: Normal Is Subjective "It was curious to think that the sky was the same for everybody, in Eurasia or Eastasia as well as here. And the people under the sky were also very much the same--everywhere, all over the world, hundreds or thousands of millions of people just like this, people ignorant of one another's existence, held apart by walls of hatred and lies, and yet almost exactly the same--people who had never learned to think but were storing up in their hearts and bellies and muscles the power that would one day overturn the world." - George Orwell, 1984 [link to thesecrettempleofit.blogspot.com]
Normal Is Subjective User ID: 683088 Canada 05/19/2009 11:03 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation	Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time Missing-link counterpoint I thought I'd beat the inevitibility of death to death just a little bit.
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