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God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time

 
mu1ti
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User ID: 676530
Australia
05/19/2009 12:47 AM
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God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
"The old version of Scripture wasn't really reaching people any more," He explained at a press conference.


[link to notthelatimes.com]
"It was curious to think that the sky was the same for everybody, in Eurasia or Eastasia as well as here. And the people under the sky were also very much the same--everywhere, all over the world, hundreds or thousands of millions of people just like this, people ignorant of one another's existence, held apart by walls of hatred and lies, and yet almost exactly the same--people who had never learned to think but were storing up in their hearts and bellies and muscles the power that would one day overturn the world."
- George Orwell, 1984

[link to thesecrettempleofit.blogspot.com]
JimTheOwl
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

User ID: 587926
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05/19/2009 12:56 AM

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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
"The old version of Scripture wasn't really reaching people any more," He explained at a press conference.
 Quoting: mu1ti


Stop it!! Heh hee heh chuckle
mu1ti (OP)

User ID: 676530
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05/19/2009 01:17 AM
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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
"The Lord is my iPhone. If I need to visit a pasture, there's an app for that. If I need to walk the valley of death, there's an app for that."

dogpile
"It was curious to think that the sky was the same for everybody, in Eurasia or Eastasia as well as here. And the people under the sky were also very much the same--everywhere, all over the world, hundreds or thousands of millions of people just like this, people ignorant of one another's existence, held apart by walls of hatred and lies, and yet almost exactly the same--people who had never learned to think but were storing up in their hearts and bellies and muscles the power that would one day overturn the world."
- George Orwell, 1984

[link to thesecrettempleofit.blogspot.com]
Anonymous Coward
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05/19/2009 01:18 AM
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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
"The old version of Scripture wasn't really reaching people any more," He explained at a press conference.


[link to notthelatimes.com]
 Quoting: mu1ti



IDIOT
Normal Is Subjective

User ID: 682333
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05/19/2009 01:27 AM
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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
Gods facebook page, can a goldstar please upload this?:
[link to unreasonablefaith.com]
I thought I'd beat the inevitibility of death to death just a little bit.
Lizard Of Id
User ID: 575952
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05/19/2009 01:29 AM
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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
LMAO




:5: :5: :5: :5: :5: :5:
Anonymous Coward
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05/19/2009 01:32 AM
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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
WEll its good to know that God is using technology. Smart deity. Thats how Obozo won the election and its why conservatives will keep losing unless they get with the program. Well that and lots of other things.
Normal Is Subjective

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05/19/2009 01:33 AM
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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
Times are tough everywhere:


Economic meltdown hits afterlife
God lays off angels, replaces Islam's 72 virgins with inflatable dolls, and switches bright light at end of tunnel to a low-watt bulb.
By Dan Alighieri, Staff Writer
Forget about streets paved with gold and rivers flowing with jewels. The recession has spread to Heaven.

Theologians trace the crisis to a Bible passage in which Jesus promised followers, "In my Father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you."

That set off a heavenly real-estate boom – and a lot of questionable financing, said Vatican economist Max Weber. "It took 2,000 years, but the bubble finally burst."

The result has been a series of afterlife cutbacks, including angel layoffs, outsourcing prayer requests to a call center in India, and replacing the long tunnel and bright light that people encounter after dying with a drainage pipe and compact fluorescent bulb.

Even the thermostat in Hell has been dialed down to a balmy 85 degrees to control energy costs.

All religions have been affected:

• Muslim martyrs expecting to spend eternity with 72 virgins will now have to make do with inflatable dolls.
• Dead Mormons hoping to rule their own planets in the hereafter will instead receive control of a time-share planet for two weeks a year.
[link to notthelatimes.com]
I thought I'd beat the inevitibility of death to death just a little bit.
Ben Linus

User ID: 287257
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05/19/2009 01:34 AM

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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
you don't know what you are talking about
:6473madburger:

"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries." - Winston Churchill
mu1ti (OP)

User ID: 676530
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05/19/2009 01:45 AM
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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
• Muslim martyrs expecting to spend eternity with 72 virgins will now have to make do with inflatable dolls.
• Dead Mormons hoping to rule their own planets in the hereafter will instead receive control of a time-share planet for two weeks a year.
[link to notthelatimes.com]
 Quoting: Normal Is Subjective

rofl
"It was curious to think that the sky was the same for everybody, in Eurasia or Eastasia as well as here. And the people under the sky were also very much the same--everywhere, all over the world, hundreds or thousands of millions of people just like this, people ignorant of one another's existence, held apart by walls of hatred and lies, and yet almost exactly the same--people who had never learned to think but were storing up in their hearts and bellies and muscles the power that would one day overturn the world."
- George Orwell, 1984

[link to thesecrettempleofit.blogspot.com]
Normal Is Subjective

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Canada
05/19/2009 11:03 PM
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Re: God joins Twitter, rewrites Bible 140 characters at a time
Missing-link counterpoint bump
I thought I'd beat the inevitibility of death to death just a little bit.

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