I understand why you would feel this way. We are raised from birth to defer to authority, beginning with parents to teachers to the 'law'. Schools train us to look to others for answers. But to break free of this, to develop a sense of faith in yourself, a knowing that you are all that you need as guidance, just take small steps to begin. Bear with me. First you need to get yourself a student. Proclaim yourself a spiritual leader and make yourself a student. Remember that movie with Tom Hanks stranded on an island with a ball on which he drew a face? Just make something like that for yourself and talk to it. Spiritual leader to student. When you are contemplating ideas, get your student out and try to teach the idea to him. Any questions that pop into your mind, treat them as if the student asked them. This, in a sense, is practicing to be a leader. It helps to hash ideas out, clarify them, speak them out loud and solidify them. When your idea is expressed to another, especially as teacher to student, it gives it more strength, allows you to explore it more. Think of Chaol as a resource, like a book in a library, or a colleague you may consult from time to time. Sometimes you may agree, sometimes not. But as you explore and develop your own ideas/perspective, you bring your own unique contribution to the universe. Your perspective is unique, never aligning completely with any other perspective but just as valid.

If you would feel funny talking to a ball or some other inanimate object, I will be your student. Just give me a lesson. Your perspective is just as alien to me as Chaol's is, so you might as well be Chaol, same difference.