Innocent or Ignorant? And is ignorant an excuse?

My husband and I have had a couple that we have been friends with for a year and a half. It was a lot of fun hanging with them as families.

The other gal always had a crush on my hubby, full on admitting it, but was never a threat as I adored her personality and she is overweight and just not my hubby's type.

Eventually about six months ago we stopped hanging out as much but she continued to email and text message my husband. He kept this communication away from me and when I would find out he would make it seem very innocent claiming it was her contacting him and I shouldn't be bothered by it.

Because I'm a confident woman, I didn't let it bother me.

But then I went away for a retreat and came home and asked my husband how he spent his week end. He didn't say much but after questioning him he admitted to having gone out with this other couple, who we had not hung out with for months.

I tried really hard not to let this bother me, though my hubby admitted the other gal told him it was hard for her to even be around him because she liked him so much (she said this even with her husband near, but not in earshot)

Now, I find out she came to our home just the other night, told my husband she had talked to me and I was expecting her (even though this was untrue) and brought over dinner to feed my husband and children. They spent over an hour together and she asked my husband if she made him uncomfortable. She left and I found out she had been there after I got home from a very long day at work.

My husband has been very angry with me over this, stating that I am insecure and he has done nothing wrong. He claims he is a victim and I should take it up with the other woman, who I now know is not a friend.

I AM angry, and feel rightfully so. I feel he was smitten with the attention of another woman and ate it up, even keeping the communication from me. He claims to be a victim to the whole thing and that I should be the one to confront her.

He has gone to bed angry with me because my feelings have been hurt. He told me I shouldn't be so insecure. I feel he should have more respect for my feelings.

I love my husband but am feeling very betrayed. Any insight would be appreciated.