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Step children breaking marriage

 
James
User ID: 799894
India
10/22/2009 07:10 AM
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Step children breaking marriage
I am married to a lady for the last 4 years, after knowing her for 13 years. She has 2 daughters, (both over 30). The younger one, has been staying with us for over 10 out of the last 12 months. This daughter, started by abusing and disrespecting me in my house, and my wife, did not reprimand her. This led to frayed tempers, and my wife, whom I love dearly, has threatened to leave me.

I am pushing 60, and my wife is 3 years younger.

I am looking for advice as to what I should do to prevent my wife from leaving.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 799893
United States
10/22/2009 07:12 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
stopp being stupid

she loves her faughter more than tou idiot

you piked a fight you cannot win.

old men- will matty someone with brats they are so desperate. no fool like an ol desperate fool.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 654301
Finland
10/22/2009 07:15 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
over 30? Throw her out, if your wife does not agree throw her out too.


don't be a pussy, you're over 60 life is too short for that
messageinlightbulb"DJ​ED P
User ID: 771316
United States
10/22/2009 09:43 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
Sine waves magnetics harmonics=nature of ones body of its birth,I have given some thought to your problem OP.

Tell your step daughter that you are not of her birth father,although it would be a honor to serve as her father you can not change nature.

Tell her it was your mistake for wanting to change nature.Tell her that you are glad to have her as your step daughter.

Tell her that you love your wife,then ask her if her mother would be happier with out you.

Tell her the stress of disrespect in your home will never be tolerated,as its foundation is you.

The mother your wife should support you.

If she does not it be better to dwell in the wilderness than to listen to a screaming miserable step daughter.As well as a wife who not support your respect of your home.

As you dwell in the wilderness there be thousands of single lady's for you.Yet no man i know would have a relationship with misery.

It is not i tell you to leave,it is i tell you in nature you will understand.The nature of our great nations are falling at a alarming rate.

So many try to change nature yet it always adjust to nature.

Peace to you op.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 680551
United States
10/22/2009 09:47 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
I am married to a lady for the last 4 years, after knowing her for 13 years. She has 2 daughters, (both over 30). The younger one, has been staying with us for over 10 out of the last 12 months. This daughter, started by abusing and disrespecting me in my house, and my wife, did not reprimand her. This led to frayed tempers, and my wife, whom I love dearly, has threatened to leave me.

I am pushing 60, and my wife is 3 years younger.

I am looking for advice as to what I should do to prevent my wife from leaving.
 Quoting: James 799894



Blood is thicker than water OP, and given the choice you'll be out in the cold. I know you married your wife and not her daughters but she would never forsake them. You need to sit down with your wife and make her aware that this woman who is staying with you is not only hurting your marriage but herself as well. The longer she stays the harder it will be to make her leave and as long as your wife has your gonads in a jar by the bed you're stuck.
anonymous
User ID: 799928
United States
10/22/2009 10:17 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
no win situation . cut back support . make up excuses for loss utilities . break the hot water heater but carefully so you can repair it later make is less desirable and confortable to live there..yu suffer then they suffer. reduce thier quality of life at that house. gradually but continously. . .try to act upset that household stuff is breaking down around the house.. act loving ..must have been made in china say. . try to keep a straight face. washing machine should have a breakdown too. the belt sliping will do that . be creative.. . have your cloths washed up ahead of time.. go to paper towels for sponge bathing issues.try not to laught .
anonymous
User ID: 799928
United States
10/22/2009 10:32 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
a relative was informed that several other relatives were coming to visit for few weeks .. he disingaged the air conditions and water heater before thier arrival, he used fan for self and tiny fan for thier room . .. . lol.. told them the parts for the repairs were on order maybe arrive in as little as few weeks. lol.. they left within a few days . no way to hot shower or bath in tub and no airconditioner in sunny florida heat in summer time.. he ruffed it for a few days . end of guest . lol.......
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 797925
United States
10/22/2009 11:14 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
Dad always said we could come back to get on our feet, but he's not going to make it comfortable...no own phone in the room (now there are cell phones, though). He knows that if you make things too comfy no-one would leave. That's the smart way. This is parents who aren't even step parents.

On the other hand I know a couple who divorced because their children kept coming back and causing strain on the marraige. In both of these cases, these were both parents children. So step doen't have anything to do with it.

You need to talk to your wife, but so far it sounds like you already have your answer. Maybe you could try just to make things a little uncomfortable to help her WANT to leave. Do you think your wife would agree to that? Like curfew because it disturbs you both when coming in too late and things of that nature.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 782508
United States
10/22/2009 11:31 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
The problem when you criticize step kids behavior is their real parent takes it personally. Step kids can be leeches, and can be disrespectful of stepparents because you simply aren't their real parent. When they get into car accidents, or arrested, or tickets, or need money for school, then your their parent and the greatestt thing since sliced bread. But when you ask them to clean after themsleves, turn off lights, or have some viable plan for eventually leaving which doesnt include working 15 hrs a week, having the balls to call your 15 hr a week job "slave labor", and playing vidoe games and drinking almost every night, then you are the bad guy.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 799873
France
10/22/2009 11:32 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
don't go near the daughter at 'that' time of the month.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 817343
United States
11/13/2009 06:12 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
stopp being stupid

she loves her faughter more than tou idiot

you piked a fight you cannot win.

old men- will matty someone with brats they are so desperate. no fool like an ol desperate fool.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 799893



Whoever wrote that comment above in the quote is a fat sack of worthless garbage with NO life what so ever, all of us that have one can tell.
9teen.47™

User ID: 817353
United Kingdom
11/13/2009 06:31 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
kitty Well the thing is that you married her, not her and her 30 year old daughter. Do you think that things will just get better? Ya like you might win the lottery.

Who owns the house and whats the financial situation. It's one thing if the money is mostly coming from you, and a bit different if from her.
Zec 12:3 And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces, though all the people of the earth be gathered together against it.
Psa 9:17 The wicked shall be turned into hell, [and] all the nations that forget God.
Jer 6:2 I have likened the daughter of Zion to a comely and delicate [woman].
STOCK UP NOW. You should have at least 6 months worth of basics for every member of your household. Stay away from crowds when trouble starts, do not forget water storage, tobacco is worth more than gold or silver, and be kind to hungry children.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 817364
Germany
11/13/2009 06:56 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
Never get involved with a woman who has baggage.

Not worth it.
anonymous
User ID: 817344
United States
11/13/2009 07:17 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
todays world is differant and marriages offer no future guarantee .. birth sparinly or not at all..Cause you will be stuck with the major support of the child that you have.. for 20 plus years cause families are a long range very expensive job not even counting the workload.. your baggage with discourage new potential mates ..wheather you are male or female.. tubal ligation or vasectomy stop preg issues and proteccts your future injcome from any child support court issues.. bout $3,000.00 or more.. borow money from parents for this procedure ..folks will go on to new relationships during thier lifetime and they are then gonna need thier entire incomes to support those new relationships over thier lifetimes.. marriages offer the mom and kid very little security after divorces ..snce men experiance job losses too for long p
eriods of time nd illnesses ..
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 814472
United States
11/13/2009 07:23 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
Never get involved with a woman who has baggage.

Not worth it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 817364



It's as true for women not getting involved with men who have ex-wives/babymommas with kids. Nobody wants to be cast as the wicked step-mother.



OP, it would be easier to give you relevant advice if you had said what caused the friction between you and the daughter.

It's true that mothers usually will not forsake their children for any man. That said, it's ridiculous that a woman in her 30s is living with her mother again, and then has the audacity to bite the hand that is providing the roof over her head. Your house - your rules. That applies to any person squatting in your home who you aren't married to.


My conservative, amicable father, a man of few words, once said something to a bitchy sales lady who insulted him which struck me as poignant. When she was snotty with him, he said, "Excuse me, but you need to stop right there. I don't let my own dear wife talk to me like that, and I sleep with her."

The moral of that story is, you should never take abuse off of someone when you wouldn't take it off of your own wife, whom you would likely be more forgiving to.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 660018
United Kingdom
11/13/2009 07:29 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
have we just tried "talking"........???
~•:*Winnie*:•~

User ID: 817340
United Kingdom
11/13/2009 07:31 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
i'd like to hear the daughters side, personally.

i am stuck in the middle of this situation day in and day out, its no fun i can tell you.

i would chose my children over my partner any time, if it ever came to that. they are my life, no matter how old.

op - do you have any previous children? if its a no, you will never be able to understand a parents love for their children.
happy now?
~•:*Winnie*:•~

User ID: 817340
United Kingdom
11/13/2009 07:35 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
in what way is she 'abusing' you? does she have opinions that differ from yours? does she speak to you disrespectfully? is she stealing? do you make her feel welcome in her own home? is it the house she grew up in? do you feel resentful to her?

i'm only guessing but maybe shes not feeling very welcome, or at ease with her mom? maybe life has been a little hard on her just recently?
happy now?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 814472
United States
11/13/2009 07:39 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
Dang it, I just realized this was an old ass thread that someone bumped for some lame reason.
9teen.47™

User ID: 817353
United Kingdom
11/13/2009 07:40 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
 Quoting: ~•:*Winnie*:•~


kitty Sheee Winnie, it looks like we got suckered. This thread was started on 10/22 and the OP has long since cut and run. I really gotta start looking at the dates. 1rof1

Last Edited by 9teen.47™ on 11/13/2009 07:41 AM
Zec 12:3 And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces, though all the people of the earth be gathered together against it.
Psa 9:17 The wicked shall be turned into hell, [and] all the nations that forget God.
Jer 6:2 I have likened the daughter of Zion to a comely and delicate [woman].
STOCK UP NOW. You should have at least 6 months worth of basics for every member of your household. Stay away from crowds when trouble starts, do not forget water storage, tobacco is worth more than gold or silver, and be kind to hungry children.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 802800
United States
11/13/2009 07:44 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
We are talking about an older couple here and not one in the 30's or 40's. This generation is still on the respect mode and most women stayed with their man during times of trouble. Many times kids are placed on the back burner. But, this is a new era. Plus, women have changed a lot since then.

Does your wife have a job or is she retired? Does she get any supplemental money? If she leaves you, she might be able to collect alimony. This is something you want to avoid. You need to sit down with the both of them and discuss the entire situation. You can not do this at home. You can only do it in a public area such as a restaurant or coffee shop. Why? Because you don't want people getting loud and mad at you and in a public place they wont yell at you. Smile when you talk to them and be humble not bossy. Look at them right in the eyes. You have to stand your ground and listen to what they have to say and make a mutual plan.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 528932
United States
11/13/2009 07:50 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
She is the problem. She should have set her foot down years ago and now it is too late. She should love you enough not to let them disrespect you. I have been thru this and know what I am talking about!

You have to be a man and set your foot down now. If you want respect you have to earn it. You tell her that if things don't straighten out then you will be leaving her!! She is bluffing and as long as you allow her to have the upper hand then you will always be the loser.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 817385
Portugal
11/13/2009 07:52 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
kitty Well the thing is that you married her, not her and her 30 year old daughter. Do you think that things will just get better? Ya like you might win the lottery.

Who owns the house and whats the financial situation. It's one thing if the money is mostly coming from you, and a bit different if from her.
 Quoting: 9teen.47™


[link to www.dangerouslogic.com]
anonymous
User ID: 817344
United States
11/13/2009 08:27 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
anyone who moves back homes from financial hardships, owes the parents the utmost respect at all times..and should shoulder the workload out of gratitude as a resonable adult .. .. mouthing off and downright lazy ones need to move on out asap. if they are lazy rude and disrectful .make thier stay difficult . water heaters can break heaters and aircontioners can break. washers can break.. tv on the blink .got the pc.. try to keep a straight face ... lol ..
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 816154
United States
11/13/2009 08:29 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
over 30? Throw her out, if your wife does not agree throw her out too.


don't be a pussy, you're over 60 life is too short for that
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 654301
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 773137
United States
11/13/2009 09:26 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
I am married to a lady for the last 4 years, after knowing her for 13 years. She has 2 daughters, (both over 30). The younger one, has been staying with us for over 10 out of the last 12 months. This daughter, started by abusing and disrespecting me in my house, and my wife, did not reprimand her. This led to frayed tempers, and my wife, whom I love dearly, has threatened to leave me.

I am pushing 60, and my wife is 3 years younger.

I am looking for advice as to what I should do to prevent my wife from leaving.



Blood is thicker than water OP, and given the choice you'll be out in the cold. I know you married your wife and not her daughters but she would never forsake them. You need to sit down with your wife and make her aware that this woman who is staying with you is not only hurting your marriage but herself as well. The longer she stays the harder it will be to make her leave and as long as your wife has your gonads in a jar by the bed you're stuck.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 680551


Get family counseling if you can get them to go.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 752572
United States
11/13/2009 09:30 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
over 30? Throw her out, if your wife does not agree throw her out too.


don't be a pussy, you're over 60 life is too short for that
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 654301
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 752572
United States
11/13/2009 09:30 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
anyone who moves back homes from financial hardships, owes the parents the utmost respect at all times..and should shoulder the workload out of gratitude as a resonable adult .. .. mouthing off and downright lazy ones need to move on out asap. if they are lazy rude and disrectful .make thier stay difficult . water heaters can break heaters and aircontioners can break. washers can break.. tv on the blink .got the pc.. try to keep a straight face ... lol ..
 Quoting: anonymous 817344
~•:*Winnie*:•~

User ID: 817340
United Kingdom
11/13/2009 09:34 AM
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Re: Step children breaking marriage
kitty Sheee Winnie, it looks like we got suckered. This thread was started on 10/22 and the OP has long since cut and run. I really gotta start looking at the dates. 1rof1
 Quoting: 9teen.47™



oldtimersl
chuckle

ooopsie! yes we should!
happy now?

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