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My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?

 
Anonymous
User ID: 750018
United States
10/28/2009 08:38 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Well, at least he does have a job. That's a huge point in his favor; so many either don't want to get up and go to work everyday or they can't find a job.

You are understandably concerned about his future. Start researching various technical schools' programs. Get him some career counseling to see where his apptitudes are. Don't be upset if a traditional 4 year college just isn't for him. He could always go later if he decides to. For right now, concentrate on helping him get an employable skill.

Yes, he should pay you for room and board. Maybe not a lot but freeloading and goofing off isn't right for an able bodied person and he should at least pay something. It actually will make him feel better about himself.

Good luck. I've dealt with this situation, too and it isn't easy.
WP
User ID: 799961
United States
10/28/2009 08:38 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
My son:
20 years old
Pizza delivery/pizza cook job, he makes 8/hr
Everquest(crack) addiction
Continues to smoke weed
Refuses to join military
Attends Community College has 1 (ONE) class (they were "all full"..)
wrecked every car he's driven (including 2 of mine & my wife's)
No savings (even though he pays no room and board)
All he wants to do is BMX bike at the skate park and play everquest.
Multiple run ins with 5.0 over riding BIKE in SKATE park..
also posession of 420 charges
He WAS an Olympic class/candidate swimmer (multiple national reportable times, some USA records in 15-18 boys class)
He started out high school with a 3.9 GPA as a freshman and had real possibility of scholarship in Ivy league or Academy school -threw that away of course.


Me:
Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.)
Left home at 18 joined Army
Served 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-com
BS University of California (I paid for it myself)
6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more years
Working same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one.


WTF would YOU do?
 Quoting: 18E 802891


First off, your son is not you. Do not project your goals and standards on him. Wait before you dismiss me. That was just a small amount of Devil's Advocate. Keep Reading.

Your son's actions are his own, and for that reason alone, you need to remove yourself from the situation. You need to make him move out on his own. Sink or Swim.

I was not unlike your son at his age, but I had no criminal record. No skills, no ambition. I wanted to dance all night and sleep all day. I only hada job to afford the things I wanted to do. My mom would have tolerated this forever, but somewhere I started to dream of something better. I moved to New York, became successful............and then threw it all away to join the military.

My sister, on the other hand, was not like me. She became addicted to heroin. She totalled every car my parents gave her. She was spoiled. She never had to work. She stole my mother's heirloom jewlery, money........etc. My mother had to make her leave. It was not easy to watch her on her slide downward which including stripping, a rape, and we suspect prositution. My sister FINALLY got clean and sober (nearly two years now) She is having a baby and has a guy that loves her. She only did this because she learned for herself. When she finally decided to get clean, my aunt was there to help her and root for her. Our mother tended to personalize everything bad that either ojne of us ever did, so she didn't take part in supporting my sisters recovery.

My point is.

You cannot personalize your son's behaviour.
You must stop enabling (spoiling)him.
You must not ever give up hope on him.
You must make a start and point him in the right direction: Get him out of your house.

And remember this. Tough love works, but you there will be times when a soft touch helps as well........But still NO ENABLING.

I think the difference between myself and my sister was that I had a work ethic. I had ambition and I wanted things. I started work early and my sister did not.

I really hope you can get something from this post. I walked your son's path to a degree and so did my sister to a much higher degree. No one in our lives made us get better except ourselves.
WP
User ID: 799961
United States
10/28/2009 08:40 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
I'll add that my sister was an Olympic Class Diver and would have made it to the Olympics one day herself. She trained with former Olympic Diver Mark Ruiz in Orlando.......where we were from. I was a diver myself, but not very good. My sister however was incredible.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 797543
Netherlands
10/28/2009 08:41 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
"My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?"

Leave him like that. It's his life. Let him sort it out.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 758950
United States
10/28/2009 08:42 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
WTF would YOU do?
 Quoting: 18E 802891


buy him a guitar and some recording equipment so he can spread his message of slackerlyness across the land
WP
User ID: 799961
United States
10/28/2009 08:43 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
I know you have dreams for your son's education and what not..........There is something to be said about the school of hard knocks though.

Like I said. Have hope. You will probably like him much better at age 30 than you would have if he had done everything you wanted him to do. But remember.......and I know I've said it already more than once.......NO ENABLING.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 758950
United States
10/28/2009 08:50 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
nah, let's face it, folks, gone are the days where you could say "conform to the system and the system will reward you." I saw a report where 1 out of 5 college grads got jobs in their field out of college this year. Something like %60-80 (depending on where you live) of those grads have moved back home. Unemployment in the 16-24 age sector is %50. So for all those good little boys and girls who made the grade on the promise of a bright future with jobs that will make them complete, they're learning a lesson it seems your son has already learned, that the game is rigged and that participation in it will at best leave you reamed, broken and alone.

In the midst of all this cultural decay and societal collapse, rebellion might, at least, afford the young man some sense of identity.

Best advice you can give him is advice that will keep him from having run-ins with the law.
jargon337

User ID: 804374
United States
10/28/2009 08:55 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Believe it or not and hard as it may be. He must practice his own freewill. peace
The Truth will set you free.
i
User ID: 783199
United Kingdom
10/28/2009 09:01 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Stop being such a douche for one.

Maybe you should smoke with your son, and then you can understand why it's such a hit (pun intended).

I can't stand fathers like you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 782916


i am same as you self made and with a backbone.

At 22 i had my first house and i enjoyed myself and smoked drank and eventually at 41 i have my own home money in bank a great wife and iv had a good but hard life...Sadley today a large percentage of young want it all without the work you need to put in. Your son is either depressed about somthing or he is taking the mick big time cos he can.

kick him out and let him get on with it ..In time he may come back with a life and some respect ..If not hey thats another looser out of your life...HARSH but FAIR.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 788421
United States
10/28/2009 09:02 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
have him run for potus
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 797648
United States
10/28/2009 09:02 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
I think you should stop being a little bitch and recognize that your son's generation is eons above all of the pieces of shit that make up your worthless generation.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 778943



An eon is a measure of time.

"Above" is obviously used to either convey a measure of space, or can be used as a measure of quality.

In either case, the terms are mutually incompatible and the sentence does not make sense.

Conclusion: whoever wrote is an idiot.

So much for the superiority of the young.
jkm1864
User ID: 765872
United States
10/28/2009 09:09 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
I was in the same boat when I was 20. I wasn't leaching off my well to do parents though but I smoked plenty of pot and worked plenty of crap jobs. I even joined the military for my mother and washed out because it wasn't for me. Now I am working in the oil and gas industry making 100k a year for the trade off of 9 months away from home. I found out if You want to make good money You have to perform a service that no one else wants to do. Its that simple really. I believe You need to cut the apron strings loose so Your son can learn a valuable lesson. The problem is You are there 100% for Him when He fucks His life up so He will never learn His lesson. He needs to understand that this is a tough world and failure can mean the difference between having food and not having food. I don't think its wrong to smoke weed but it can keep You from getting a decent job or at least a well paying job. Maybe after a couple of years on His own making up His own bed He might come to see the light. I wouldn't push Him toward the army though because when You get out You have 0% skills that can be used in the REAL world. Now the navy on the other hand can give Him skills that He can use. I have a friend making 250k a year working with transocean as a electrician supervisor and He works 2 weeks on and two weeks off. If He does something technical his chances of making it are a lot higher. I wouldn't listen to alot of these people on here because they have a problem with people making money. I think it stems from the fact that they never made it so anyone that does is a greedy bastard mentality. They might also sit around and smoke weed all day too not that there is anything wrong with it just as long as they keep everything in perspective....


You need to get Him an apartment .. Get Him out of Your house & never bail Him out for nothing. If His car breaks down tough luck He's a man so He has to deal with it. Give Him a few years of toiling for peanuts and He will take the first opportunity handed to Him to better himself..
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 804854
Canada
10/28/2009 09:13 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Your son is a useless eater and a deadbeat. Well, he technically still goes to work, so I wouldn't call him a deadbeat, but he's definitely spoiled. He needs hard times to give him a dose of reality. I would kick him out, but that wouldn't solve any problems, he'd just smoke more weed. Just lay down some house rules, what are you afraid of? Charge him for internet and rent, then he won't have so much time to play video games.
Tracy

User ID: 662749
Australia
10/28/2009 09:20 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Why would you want to send him to his possible death in military? Anyway...apart from that....I would watch the following video together (TILL THE END) and see how you both feel afterwards.

Thread: A Video that Cures Procrastination
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 692405
United States
10/28/2009 09:29 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Trollin' trollin' trollin'
Keep those posts a trollin'
Man my ass is swollen!
Godlike!
Yah!
Godlike!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 804871
United States
10/28/2009 09:40 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
OP....i am 48 yrs old, female, was a single mother most of my daughters life and her dad lived 850 miles away, i let her spend summers with him, and holidays so she could know her dad. She is now 24, is a heroin addict... somewhere around 5 yrs ago she started by doing pills with friends, then it went to snorting pills and stealing all my money, we are talkin major amount of money too, and i had no idea until i went to get the money i had stashed away in my attic that every cent was GONE. Up until i discovered the money missing, my one good friend i confided in kept tellin me to put her out ( she was lazy, would not help with anything, wouldn't help pay rent or help on the electric bill altho she turned the AC up and ran my bill high, never paid for food etc) and i didn't because i thought she would outgrow this stage and i never distrusted her even tho certain things didnt add up, but i never doubted her and i should have. Those red flags go up for a very good reason and we don't listen!
So when i found the money missing i told her she had 24 hrs to get outta my house or i throw her out physically with her stuff and she knew i meant it, i was livid and i meant every word. She called her dad who brought a big trailer and loaded her up and took her back to his house 850 miles away, and she only came home to get her stuff and go as she was afraid to face me, and she had very good reason.
Didnt take long after going up north that she discovered heroin and has stolen from her dad and his family, he put her out and now she is living with a friend she works with and when they discover she is stealing from them, i guess its the street.
Why does someone choose this kind of life, i don't know. I know i helped to transform her into this by too easy of a life, i should have listend to my friend who told me she either respect me or get out but i chose not to, i loved her and could not do that. You make someone a better person thru discipline an being respectful, i know that now in hindsight, but i had to learn thru suffering. Most of us only learn thru suffering unfortunately and when we get to the end of it we can look back an see the lesson, but just cant see it while we are in it.
My daughter does not have a good chance, she will most likely die from her addiction, an addiction that i helped, but i didnt know it at the time.....it breaks my heart knowing i am going to lose her, she is such a smart, beautiful girl and i am going to lose her all because i chose to not allow this all because i didnt want to be the bad guy, and didnt want her to hate me, ( i went thru the same rebellious stage and outgrew it, and just thought we all went thru a time of it when a teenager) but that is a sign that their life is not in balance and we needed to listen.
There is still time for your child, it is up to you, don't make the same tragic mistake i did, one that i will pay for the rest of my life.
elbrian

User ID: 783281
United States
10/28/2009 09:41 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Me:
Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.)
Left home at 18 joined Army
Served 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-com
BS University of California (I paid for it myself)
6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more years
Working same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one.


WTF would YOU do?
 Quoting: 18E 802891


Sounds to me like you're a fucking square, alright.

Your son is enjoying his life, and you seem genuinely upset.. is it because you think he's a failure, or because you wish you could find happiness in such simple pleasures?

You say you work all day every day, and have never missed a day... are you fucking proud of that? That's like a slave bragging to other slaves because he pulls the most grain- it's just retarded. Maybe you SHOULD have taken more days off, spent more time with your son perhaps, and maybe you wouldn't be such a miserable douchebag.

You sound like a million other shitty fathers, who expect their children to grow up and buy into the big credit run that your generation created. Well let me tell you buddy, first hand (I'm 22), we hate you just as much as you hate us. You fucked this world up for us. If more people were like your son and could enjoy simple pleasures without feeling the need to get 40 year mortgages and 10-child families for a false sense of fulfillment, the world would be a better place.

So fuck you buddy. Hug your son and be thankful that he hasn't shunned you for being a fucking dickhole, already.
"How can I move forward when I don't know which way I'm facing?"

[link to ninecrimes.net]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 791835
Canada
10/28/2009 09:43 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
There is still time for your child, it is up to you, don't make the same tragic mistake i did, one that i will pay for the rest of my life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 804871


ibogaine works for heroin addicts.

[link to www.ibogatherapyhouse.net]

don't give up.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 804864
United States
10/28/2009 09:44 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
OP - fuckin relax.

He's 20

You are acting like a dickhead, controller.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 804195
Portugal
10/28/2009 09:45 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
he's 20 ffs

give him some space and let him figure out what he needs.
If he's working, then all is ok. He's spending his money, not yours.
anonymous coward
User ID: 801960
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10/28/2009 09:47 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Our 21 year old son has turned into a selfish prick that smokes pot and drinks alcohol all day long. Despite our absolute best efforts to raise him in a loving, supportive environment, he seems lost, dazed and confused.

My Wife and I believe our decaying moraless society is to blame. I'm an 80's child, and even back then there were signs of rebellion going on, but we still feared our Parents. Not so today, it's just sad.
Uber man
User ID: 804833
Australia
10/28/2009 09:48 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
You on this forum for one.
Your duty was to educate and norish the boy into a man..

You failed..

Time you took him and your self to a remote cabin and do some fishing and find some common ground, man the fuck up and open the heart and reflect.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 798075
United States
10/28/2009 09:48 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
sounds like the son sits around all day with his finger up his ass and then wonders why he keeps smelling shit ( like lots of 20 ish slacker types who do not have a clue)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 804090
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10/28/2009 09:49 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
slap yourself for being a sorry parent. bet u r a fabulous role model.
elbrian

User ID: 783281
United States
10/28/2009 09:55 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
My Wife and I believe our decaying moraless society is to blame. I'm an 80's child, and even back then there were signs of rebellion going on, but we still feared our Parents. Not so today, it's just sad.
 Quoting: anonymous coward 801960


Nope. You only have yourself to blame.

If your child does not respect you and/or your rules, it means you failed as a parent to properly discipline him/her.

Do not blame other people for your shitty parenting.
"How can I move forward when I don't know which way I'm facing?"

[link to ninecrimes.net]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 798164
United States
10/28/2009 10:07 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
sound like your son is enjoying his life and you wasted yours serving your slave masters.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 793943


moronic comment right there
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 804195
Portugal
10/28/2009 10:08 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
moronic comment right there
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 798164

moronic comment right there
Storm

User ID: 779169
United States
10/28/2009 10:17 AM

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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
"If a man walk in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer; but if he spends his whole day as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making earth bald before her time, he is esteemed an industrious and enterprising citizen. As if a town had no interest in its forests but to cut them down! "

Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) American Author
Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty.
-Thomas Jefferson
Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid.
—Raymond Chandler, 1944
Is man an ape or an angel? Now I am on the side of the angels.
—Benjamin Disraeli, 1864
I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
James A. Baldwin
Storm

User ID: 779169
United States
10/28/2009 10:21 AM

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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
We spend 80 percent MORE energy and time meeting our basic needs then the African Bushman. Modern civilization was suppossed to IMPROVE and or decrease that energy and time. Sad thing is 2% of the population stuck that improvment into thier pockets. Our society if fucked up. Your kid knows it. So should you.
Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty.
-Thomas Jefferson
Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid.
—Raymond Chandler, 1944
Is man an ape or an angel? Now I am on the side of the angels.
—Benjamin Disraeli, 1864
I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
James A. Baldwin
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 768028
United States
10/28/2009 10:22 AM
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Re: My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do?
Why would you want to send him to his possible death in military? Anyway...apart from that....I would watch the following video together (TILL THE END) and see how you both feel afterwards.

Thread: A Video that Cures Procrastination
 Quoting: Tracy



That video is very good. Thank you.

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