Have you ever considered that your son might be the high achiever you wished him to be if you raised him in a less authoritarian manner?

Your son doesn't want to join the military because that would please you. He uses drugs because you are anti-drug. He didn't try to get into a good college because that was a goal you had for him. See the pattern here? Your son is getting back at you for bossing him around all those years. He is doing everything against your wishes. He wants to displease you, even if in doing so is detrimental to himself.

You should've raised him better. His failures are a reflection on you.