Your description of your son is EXACTLY what i was like at 20. I rode BMX, i played waay too much videogames, and i smoked tons of bud, except i didnt have a job, i sold shrooms.

6 years later and im still stuck in the same habits, minus the BMX. That was substituted with Golf & Paintball. Anyways, i always wanted my dad to HELP me and i remember thinking, "why doesnt he want to help me get on my feet? ". Even though a guy is 20 he still needs a little reassurance.

What i would suggest is try to remember how much you wanted to do for him when he was a little child and sit down with him and actually ask what his thoughts are on his future. Talking to us wont get you any closure. Only talking to him will.

PS: The main problem here is the bud hes smoking. It will make you extremely tired if youve been smoking daily for years. Or at least it does with me. Hes not gay, hes just too lazy and/or depressed from the bud. Being stoned all the time dulls out your sex drive, trust me. It can make you depressed if abused as well. He probably plays videogames due to the depression, and uses this false reality where he CAN be anything he wants.

I have only recently come to realize the depth of the hole ive dug myself. Im your son in 6 years if he doesnt do ANYTHING to get some bank going. And if he keeps on smokin bud, playin videogames and not saving money you can tell him from somebody online who been there EXACTLY, that hes going to regret it.