My son is a total pothead loser slacker, what should I do? | |
Anonymous User ID: 750018 United States 10/28/2009 08:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You are understandably concerned about his future. Start researching various technical schools' programs. Get him some career counseling to see where his apptitudes are. Don't be upset if a traditional 4 year college just isn't for him. He could always go later if he decides to. For right now, concentrate on helping him get an employable skill. Yes, he should pay you for room and board. Maybe not a lot but freeloading and goofing off isn't right for an able bodied person and he should at least pay something. It actually will make him feel better about himself. Good luck. I've dealt with this situation, too and it isn't easy. |
WP User ID: 799961 United States 10/28/2009 08:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My son: Quoting: 18E 80289120 years old Pizza delivery/pizza cook job, he makes 8/hr Everquest(crack) addiction Continues to smoke weed Refuses to join military Attends Community College has 1 (ONE) class (they were "all full"..) wrecked every car he's driven (including 2 of mine & my wife's) No savings (even though he pays no room and board) All he wants to do is BMX bike at the skate park and play everquest. Multiple run ins with 5.0 over riding BIKE in SKATE park.. also posession of 420 charges He WAS an Olympic class/candidate swimmer (multiple national reportable times, some USA records in 15-18 boys class) He started out high school with a 3.9 GPA as a freshman and had real possibility of scholarship in Ivy league or Academy school -threw that away of course. Me: Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.) Left home at 18 joined Army Served 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-com BS University of California (I paid for it myself) 6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more years Working same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one. WTF would YOU do? First off, your son is not you. Do not project your goals and standards on him. Wait before you dismiss me. That was just a small amount of Devil's Advocate. Keep Reading. Your son's actions are his own, and for that reason alone, you need to remove yourself from the situation. You need to make him move out on his own. Sink or Swim. I was not unlike your son at his age, but I had no criminal record. No skills, no ambition. I wanted to dance all night and sleep all day. I only hada job to afford the things I wanted to do. My mom would have tolerated this forever, but somewhere I started to dream of something better. I moved to New York, became successful............and then threw it all away to join the military. My sister, on the other hand, was not like me. She became addicted to heroin. She totalled every car my parents gave her. She was spoiled. She never had to work. She stole my mother's heirloom jewlery, money........etc. My mother had to make her leave. It was not easy to watch her on her slide downward which including stripping, a rape, and we suspect prositution. My sister FINALLY got clean and sober (nearly two years now) She is having a baby and has a guy that loves her. She only did this because she learned for herself. When she finally decided to get clean, my aunt was there to help her and root for her. Our mother tended to personalize everything bad that either ojne of us ever did, so she didn't take part in supporting my sisters recovery. My point is. You cannot personalize your son's behaviour. You must stop enabling (spoiling)him. You must not ever give up hope on him. You must make a start and point him in the right direction: Get him out of your house. And remember this. Tough love works, but you there will be times when a soft touch helps as well........But still NO ENABLING. I think the difference between myself and my sister was that I had a work ethic. I had ambition and I wanted things. I started work early and my sister did not. I really hope you can get something from this post. I walked your son's path to a degree and so did my sister to a much higher degree. No one in our lives made us get better except ourselves. |
WP User ID: 799961 United States 10/28/2009 08:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'll add that my sister was an Olympic Class Diver and would have made it to the Olympics one day herself. She trained with former Olympic Diver Mark Ruiz in Orlando.......where we were from. I was a diver myself, but not very good. My sister however was incredible. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 797543 Netherlands 10/28/2009 08:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 758950 United States 10/28/2009 08:42 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
WP User ID: 799961 United States 10/28/2009 08:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Like I said. Have hope. You will probably like him much better at age 30 than you would have if he had done everything you wanted him to do. But remember.......and I know I've said it already more than once.......NO ENABLING. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 758950 United States 10/28/2009 08:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | nah, let's face it, folks, gone are the days where you could say "conform to the system and the system will reward you." I saw a report where 1 out of 5 college grads got jobs in their field out of college this year. Something like %60-80 (depending on where you live) of those grads have moved back home. Unemployment in the 16-24 age sector is %50. So for all those good little boys and girls who made the grade on the promise of a bright future with jobs that will make them complete, they're learning a lesson it seems your son has already learned, that the game is rigged and that participation in it will at best leave you reamed, broken and alone. In the midst of all this cultural decay and societal collapse, rebellion might, at least, afford the young man some sense of identity. Best advice you can give him is advice that will keep him from having run-ins with the law. |
jargon337 User ID: 804374 United States 10/28/2009 08:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
i User ID: 783199 United Kingdom 10/28/2009 09:01 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Stop being such a douche for one. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 782916Maybe you should smoke with your son, and then you can understand why it's such a hit (pun intended). I can't stand fathers like you. i am same as you self made and with a backbone. At 22 i had my first house and i enjoyed myself and smoked drank and eventually at 41 i have my own home money in bank a great wife and iv had a good but hard life...Sadley today a large percentage of young want it all without the work you need to put in. Your son is either depressed about somthing or he is taking the mick big time cos he can. kick him out and let him get on with it ..In time he may come back with a life and some respect ..If not hey thats another looser out of your life...HARSH but FAIR. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 788421 United States 10/28/2009 09:02 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 797648 United States 10/28/2009 09:02 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I think you should stop being a little bitch and recognize that your son's generation is eons above all of the pieces of shit that make up your worthless generation. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 778943An eon is a measure of time. "Above" is obviously used to either convey a measure of space, or can be used as a measure of quality. In either case, the terms are mutually incompatible and the sentence does not make sense. Conclusion: whoever wrote is an idiot. So much for the superiority of the young. |
jkm1864 User ID: 765872 United States 10/28/2009 09:09 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I was in the same boat when I was 20. I wasn't leaching off my well to do parents though but I smoked plenty of pot and worked plenty of crap jobs. I even joined the military for my mother and washed out because it wasn't for me. Now I am working in the oil and gas industry making 100k a year for the trade off of 9 months away from home. I found out if You want to make good money You have to perform a service that no one else wants to do. Its that simple really. I believe You need to cut the apron strings loose so Your son can learn a valuable lesson. The problem is You are there 100% for Him when He fucks His life up so He will never learn His lesson. He needs to understand that this is a tough world and failure can mean the difference between having food and not having food. I don't think its wrong to smoke weed but it can keep You from getting a decent job or at least a well paying job. Maybe after a couple of years on His own making up His own bed He might come to see the light. I wouldn't push Him toward the army though because when You get out You have 0% skills that can be used in the REAL world. Now the navy on the other hand can give Him skills that He can use. I have a friend making 250k a year working with transocean as a electrician supervisor and He works 2 weeks on and two weeks off. If He does something technical his chances of making it are a lot higher. I wouldn't listen to alot of these people on here because they have a problem with people making money. I think it stems from the fact that they never made it so anyone that does is a greedy bastard mentality. They might also sit around and smoke weed all day too not that there is anything wrong with it just as long as they keep everything in perspective.... You need to get Him an apartment .. Get Him out of Your house & never bail Him out for nothing. If His car breaks down tough luck He's a man so He has to deal with it. Give Him a few years of toiling for peanuts and He will take the first opportunity handed to Him to better himself.. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 804854 Canada 10/28/2009 09:13 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Your son is a useless eater and a deadbeat. Well, he technically still goes to work, so I wouldn't call him a deadbeat, but he's definitely spoiled. He needs hard times to give him a dose of reality. I would kick him out, but that wouldn't solve any problems, he'd just smoke more weed. Just lay down some house rules, what are you afraid of? Charge him for internet and rent, then he won't have so much time to play video games. |
Tracy User ID: 662749 Australia 10/28/2009 09:20 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why would you want to send him to his possible death in military? Anyway...apart from that....I would watch the following video together (TILL THE END) and see how you both feel afterwards. Thread: A Video that Cures Procrastination |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 692405 United States 10/28/2009 09:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 804871 United States 10/28/2009 09:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | So when i found the money missing i told her she had 24 hrs to get outta my house or i throw her out physically with her stuff and she knew i meant it, i was livid and i meant every word. She called her dad who brought a big trailer and loaded her up and took her back to his house 850 miles away, and she only came home to get her stuff and go as she was afraid to face me, and she had very good reason. Didnt take long after going up north that she discovered heroin and has stolen from her dad and his family, he put her out and now she is living with a friend she works with and when they discover she is stealing from them, i guess its the street. Why does someone choose this kind of life, i don't know. I know i helped to transform her into this by too easy of a life, i should have listend to my friend who told me she either respect me or get out but i chose not to, i loved her and could not do that. You make someone a better person thru discipline an being respectful, i know that now in hindsight, but i had to learn thru suffering. Most of us only learn thru suffering unfortunately and when we get to the end of it we can look back an see the lesson, but just cant see it while we are in it. My daughter does not have a good chance, she will most likely die from her addiction, an addiction that i helped, but i didnt know it at the time.....it breaks my heart knowing i am going to lose her, she is such a smart, beautiful girl and i am going to lose her all because i chose to not allow this all because i didnt want to be the bad guy, and didnt want her to hate me, ( i went thru the same rebellious stage and outgrew it, and just thought we all went thru a time of it when a teenager) but that is a sign that their life is not in balance and we needed to listen. There is still time for your child, it is up to you, don't make the same tragic mistake i did, one that i will pay for the rest of my life. |
elbrian User ID: 783281 United States 10/28/2009 09:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Me: Quoting: 18E 802891Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.) Left home at 18 joined Army Served 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-com BS University of California (I paid for it myself) 6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more years Working same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one. WTF would YOU do? Sounds to me like you're a fucking square, alright. Your son is enjoying his life, and you seem genuinely upset.. is it because you think he's a failure, or because you wish you could find happiness in such simple pleasures? You say you work all day every day, and have never missed a day... are you fucking proud of that? That's like a slave bragging to other slaves because he pulls the most grain- it's just retarded. Maybe you SHOULD have taken more days off, spent more time with your son perhaps, and maybe you wouldn't be such a miserable douchebag. You sound like a million other shitty fathers, who expect their children to grow up and buy into the big credit run that your generation created. Well let me tell you buddy, first hand (I'm 22), we hate you just as much as you hate us. You fucked this world up for us. If more people were like your son and could enjoy simple pleasures without feeling the need to get 40 year mortgages and 10-child families for a false sense of fulfillment, the world would be a better place. So fuck you buddy. Hug your son and be thankful that he hasn't shunned you for being a fucking dickhole, already. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 791835 Canada 10/28/2009 09:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | There is still time for your child, it is up to you, don't make the same tragic mistake i did, one that i will pay for the rest of my life. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 804871ibogaine works for heroin addicts. [link to www.ibogatherapyhouse.net] don't give up. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 804864 United States 10/28/2009 09:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 804195 Portugal 10/28/2009 09:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
anonymous coward User ID: 801960 Canada 10/28/2009 09:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My Wife and I believe our decaying moraless society is to blame. I'm an 80's child, and even back then there were signs of rebellion going on, but we still feared our Parents. Not so today, it's just sad. |
Uber man User ID: 804833 Australia 10/28/2009 09:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You on this forum for one. Your duty was to educate and norish the boy into a man.. You failed.. Time you took him and your self to a remote cabin and do some fishing and find some common ground, man the fuck up and open the heart and reflect. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 798075 United States 10/28/2009 09:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 804090 United States 10/28/2009 09:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
elbrian User ID: 783281 United States 10/28/2009 09:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My Wife and I believe our decaying moraless society is to blame. I'm an 80's child, and even back then there were signs of rebellion going on, but we still feared our Parents. Not so today, it's just sad. Quoting: anonymous coward 801960Nope. You only have yourself to blame. If your child does not respect you and/or your rules, it means you failed as a parent to properly discipline him/her. Do not blame other people for your shitty parenting. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 798164 United States 10/28/2009 10:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 804195 Portugal 10/28/2009 10:08 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Storm User ID: 779169 United States 10/28/2009 10:17 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | "If a man walk in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer; but if he spends his whole day as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making earth bald before her time, he is esteemed an industrious and enterprising citizen. As if a town had no interest in its forests but to cut them down! " Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) American Author Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty. -Thomas Jefferson Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. —Raymond Chandler, 1944 Is man an ape or an angel? Now I am on the side of the angels. —Benjamin Disraeli, 1864 I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually. James A. Baldwin |
Storm User ID: 779169 United States 10/28/2009 10:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | We spend 80 percent MORE energy and time meeting our basic needs then the African Bushman. Modern civilization was suppossed to IMPROVE and or decrease that energy and time. Sad thing is 2% of the population stuck that improvment into thier pockets. Our society if fucked up. Your kid knows it. So should you. Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty. -Thomas Jefferson Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. —Raymond Chandler, 1944 Is man an ape or an angel? Now I am on the side of the angels. —Benjamin Disraeli, 1864 I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually. James A. Baldwin |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 768028 United States 10/28/2009 10:22 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why would you want to send him to his possible death in military? Anyway...apart from that....I would watch the following video together (TILL THE END) and see how you both feel afterwards. Quoting: TracyThread: A Video that Cures Procrastination That video is very good. Thank you. |