David Rockefeller, the dynastic head of the #1 Illuminati family here in America, was found dead and partially eaten on his New York estate last night. Clues to his demise were hard to come by. Apparently an asteroid descended upon Mr. Rockefeller's forehead and knocked him out. The Asteroid was small, about the size of a quarter, but it hit him right between the eyes around 6:00 PM Eastern time. Later when animals came around, Mr. Rockefeller apparently came to and crawled for some distance, yet today some body parts were still missing. Mr. Rockefeller's estate, including his holdings in Standard oil and the Federal Reserve, are valued between 6 and 18 trillion dollars. His living will directs control of his estate to his family, the Bilderbergers, Satanists for Jesus, Christians for Satan, Mollock Inc., The Bohemian Grove restoration foundation, Jews against Judaism, Bankers anonymous, various vaccine makers, The whatever It Takes agency (WIT), and the Rothchilds. He will be missed by dozens.