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Anyone have experience with a bulimic?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 833070
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12/03/2009 08:33 PM
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Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
My good friend is very concerned about her young (20 yr old?) daughter's eating disorder. The girl won't acknowledge that she has a problem. She gets up in the middle of the night and binges then purges. Her mom thinks that she's barely 100 pounds and she's about 5'7.

The girl lives with her boyfriend who is also very worried. This has been an ongoing problem and it seems to be getting worse.

No one knows what to do because she won't acknowledge it. Perhaps some kind of intervention is needed.

I feel so sad and worried about this. Sometimes they die if they don't get help. I know it is difficult to treat.

Thanks for any advice :)
New Age Messiah

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12/03/2009 08:48 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Maybe if she has a baby...
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/03/2009 08:49 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Maybe if she has a baby...
 Quoting: New Age Messiah



Tell me more NAM? Do you mean that it will give her something else to focus on besides herself perhaps?
Anonymous Coward
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12/03/2009 08:49 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Eating disorders are a difficult thing - I rarely say this, but she may need professional help.
rasmussen

User ID: 383866
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12/03/2009 08:52 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
In the meantime, slippery elm tea can help with the acid burns of throwing up routinely. Not that you want to send a message that enables it. Make sure she takes and keeps down multi-vitamins and hydrates well enough.

Meditation and volunteering somewhere that makes you concerned about others can sometimes help, but that's awfully proactive for someone who won't acknowledge she has a problem.

There must be lots of tips online. Obviously, therapy and trying to replace the habit with a different one would be good. This is one addiction you don't want to see someone hit rock bottom with.

On some level this is a narcissistic disorder...sometimes making someone see it that way helps them to want to change their perspective

hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 824065
United Kingdom
12/03/2009 08:58 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
I struggle with bulimia every single day. It is a lifetime affliction and I have to use my will power constantly to overcome the compulsions. I havent binged or purged in over 6 years, but everytime I eat, there is the impulse purge. IT IS a difficult siutation to treat, very, and my advice is to get her professional help because left untreated it can, literally, kill her. Also, the family will benefit from treatment by understanding what she is going through so they can help her develop coping skills and strength in fighting it. AND IT IS A FIGHT, a daily battle. I'm sorry you are all going through this, I wont lie to you, it's a very big and difficult struggle but she CAN overcome it. She can! Best of luck to you all.
rasmussen

User ID: 383866
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12/03/2009 08:59 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
I struggle with bulimia every single day. It is a lifetime affliction and I have to use my will power constantly to overcome the compulsions. I havent binged or purged in over 6 years, but everytime I eat, there is the impulse purge. IT IS a difficult siutation to treat, very, and my advice is to get her professional help because left untreated it can, literally, kill her. Also, the family will benefit from treatment by understanding what she is going through so they can help her develop coping skills and strength in fighting it. AND IT IS A FIGHT, a daily battle. I'm sorry you are all going through this, I wont lie to you, it's a very big and difficult struggle but she CAN overcome it. She can! Best of luck to you all.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 824065

hf hf
Mister ObviousModerator
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12/03/2009 09:04 PM

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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Eating disorders are a difficult thing - I rarely say this, but she may need professional help.
 Quoting: Turtles Know




I am in total agreement.


Eating disorders are nothing to play around with.


Either forcefeed her PB&J sammiches, or get her professional help.


This problem has claimed the life of a lot of great people...


[link to www.youtube.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 833104
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12/03/2009 09:06 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
I dated a bulimic for a while. I knew she had a drinking problem from the beginning but thought it was something I could handle. When I discovered her eating disorder which she kept well hidden she blamed me for being too controlling. It seemed I was helping recreate her relationship with her father.
Point is there is an underlying cause a critical traumatic wounding most likely sexual in nature. Eating disorders are the very height of desperation. The person feels so out of control and vulnerable that the knowledge that one can have power over themselves to such a degree becomes an unspeakably powerful addiction. I wish I could say that the person could get 'professional' help, but from my own personal experience I've found that the psychiatric system is more than happy to become the substitute abuser. They have a patient for life and they exist for power control and to make money. If you get anything out of modern mainstream psychiatry thank God it certainly wasn't the doctors they are not in the business of 'curing' anything. They all manage diseases.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 833104
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12/03/2009 09:10 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Eating disorders are a difficult thing - I rarely say this, but she may need professional help.




I am in total agreement.


Eating disorders are nothing to play around with.


Either forcefeed her PB&J sammiches, or get her professional help.


This problem has claimed the life of a lot of great people...


[link to www.youtube.com]

 Quoting: Mister Obvious



Holy shit you are kidding right. Forcefeed!!! You know nothing about that which you speak you will drive the person further into the center of the original wounding and make it ten times worse. Same with 'professional' help. They have a piss poor track record. Do no harm. If you don't know what to do you better just support the person unconditionally and give them space to suffer in at least a gentle ring of safety. How dare you think you can save someone by forcing your will on them. So many people save others because they are simply projecting.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 824065
United Kingdom
12/03/2009 09:16 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Holy shit you are kidding right. Forcefeed!!! You know nothing about that which you speak you will drive the person further into the center of the original wounding and make it ten times worse. Same with 'professional' help. They have a piss poor track record. Do no harm. If you don't know what to do you better just support the person unconditionally and give them space to suffer in at least a gentle ring of safety. How dare you think you can save someone by forcing your will on them. So many people save others because they are simply projecting.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 833104

True, forcefeeding is not an option. My treatment was very good and the coping skills I learned from it I use daily. I consider my treatment a success, but that too is down to the individual largely ... I WANTED to get better desperately and made up my mind to do so and I stick by that regardless. Its NOT easy, but it beats a horrible slow death which is exactly where I was heading prior to treatment.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 833070
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12/03/2009 09:16 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
I struggle with bulimia every single day. It is a lifetime affliction and I have to use my will power constantly to overcome the compulsions. I havent binged or purged in over 6 years, but everytime I eat, there is the impulse purge. IT IS a difficult siutation to treat, very, and my advice is to get her professional help because left untreated it can, literally, kill her. Also, the family will benefit from treatment by understanding what she is going through so they can help her develop coping skills and strength in fighting it. AND IT IS A FIGHT, a daily battle. I'm sorry you are all going through this, I wont lie to you, it's a very big and difficult struggle but she CAN overcome it. She can! Best of luck to you all.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 824065


Bless you for telling us your story AC and for your courageous battle. I can't imagine what that must be like.

Another poster stated that there must have been some traumatic incident to cause this. Perhaps..but I will say this. She has a sister who does not have this problem. And the dad is a cool guy.


But I think her mother (my friend) experienced this problem. She went to Overeaters Anonymous before I knew her. I didn't want to pry so I didn't ask a lot of ?s but I think her mother has overcome this problem. I know she LOVES to eat but is always very skinny...I don't know.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 824065
United Kingdom
12/03/2009 09:23 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Bless you for telling us your story AC and for your courageous battle. I can't imagine what that must be like.

Another poster stated that there must have been some traumatic incident to cause this. Perhaps..but I will say this. She has a sister who does not have this problem. And the dad is a cool guy.
But I think her mother (my friend) experienced this problem. She went to Overeaters Anonymous before I knew her. I didn't want to pry so I didn't ask a lot of ?s but I think her mother has overcome this problem. I know she LOVES to eat but is always very skinny...I don't know.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 833070

I will tell you that my bulimia and my sisters anorexia are both directly connected to an abusive father and it is a fact that many cases are, but of course, not all.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 833090
United States
12/03/2009 09:25 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
I struggle with bulimia every single day. It is a lifetime affliction and I have to use my will power constantly to overcome the compulsions. I havent binged or purged in over 6 years, but everytime I eat, there is the impulse purge. IT IS a difficult siutation to treat, very, and my advice is to get her professional help because left untreated it can, literally, kill her. Also, the family will benefit from treatment by understanding what she is going through so they can help her develop coping skills and strength in fighting it. AND IT IS A FIGHT, a daily battle. I'm sorry you are all going through this, I wont lie to you, it's a very big and difficult struggle but she CAN overcome it. She can! Best of luck to you all.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 824065


can you turn this obsession into another healthy one, like working out? You would look much better with curves and lean muscle. Bones are not very sexy.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 824065
United Kingdom
12/03/2009 09:28 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
I struggle with bulimia every single day. It is a lifetime affliction and I have to use my will power constantly to overcome the compulsions. I havent binged or purged in over 6 years, but everytime I eat, there is the impulse purge. IT IS a difficult siutation to treat, very, and my advice is to get her professional help because left untreated it can, literally, kill her. Also, the family will benefit from treatment by understanding what she is going through so they can help her develop coping skills and strength in fighting it. AND IT IS A FIGHT, a daily battle. I'm sorry you are all going through this, I wont lie to you, it's a very big and difficult struggle but she CAN overcome it. She can! Best of luck to you all.


can you turn this obsession into another healthy one, like working out? You would look much better with curves and lean muscle. Bones are not very sexy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 833090

Im no longer boney and havent been for years. I am 5'1 and weigh 115 I also practice yoga daily (which REALLY helps)so I am very fit.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 782401
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12/03/2009 09:30 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Eating disorders are a difficult thing - I rarely say this, but she may need professional help.




I am in total agreement.


Eating disorders are nothing to play around with.


Either forcefeed her PB&J sammiches, or get her professional help.


This problem has claimed the life of a lot of great people...


[link to www.youtube.com]

 Quoting: Mister Obvious



Seeing Karen makes me so sad. She was so talented - a waste, a sad, heart breaking waste - what a voice.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 833104
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12/03/2009 09:32 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
[link to stanford.wellsphere.com]


This is a powerful story. I think the husbands story need to be taken to heart. Here is an excerpt please follow the link as well.

[link to stanford.wellsphere.com]

"For more than a week, without telling anyone, I tried to simulate anorexia. In addition to my daily routine of running three miles, I severely limited my calories. I’d have juice and maybe a banana for breakfast and a small salad for dinner. Since Meg and I usually ate separately, she didn’t notice. But I was exhausted and irritable; my head ached constantly. I’d lie in bed at night and think, I am so hungry! How does she do it? How can the voice Meg hears be so powerful?



But by day three, I began hearing the voice too: “Come on, you can do it. Don’t give in. You’re better than that.” When I refused food, I had a sense of victory. The longer I resisted, the more powerful I felt. When Meg was admitted to the hospital, I thought that she had failed and allowed this to happen. Now I understood the seduction of the words in her head, how they could override the most basic human survival instincts. And I saw her as a hero — who had to be incredibly strong in her fight to recover.



I didn’t tell Meg about my experiment for almost a year, but my attitude changed immediately. No longer ashamed because I thought my wife was weak, I got over my need for us to be exalted as perfect. I stopped lying to friends and family that Meg had the flu. As I was more honest, support and encouragement flowed in — our friends didn’t distance themselves or disappear as I’d feared. I became the advocate Meg needed, able to coach others on why they should never mention Meg’s appearance or comment on her food choices. For example, if someone said, “A salad! That won’t be enough!” I would remember times that I’d used those very words, and then I’d explain that pressuring her wouldn’t help and might make things worse. Instead of trying to protect her by denying that there was a problem, I became a speed bump between my wife and the rest of the world.



Ready to get healthy

I had changed, but Meg was still not fully ready. She would make progress, only to face setbacks and lose weight. But then one day in January, after a difficult holiday season, I came home and found the bathroom scale lying in pieces in the driveway. Meg had thrown it out the window...."
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 833070
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12/03/2009 09:32 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Turtles, after talking to my friend tonight then posting this thread the first thing that came to mind was Karen Carpenter.

I mean, how could someone with the voice of an angel and a successful career think so little of themselves?
New Age Messiah

User ID: 782948
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12/03/2009 09:34 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Maybe if she has a baby...



Tell me more NAM? Do you mean that it will give her something else to focus on besides herself perhaps?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 833070


Yeah, the person I know had a baby and she got way better, almost totally healed.
Mister ObviousModerator
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12/03/2009 09:34 PM

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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Holy shit you are kidding right. Forcefeed!!! You know nothing about that which you speak you will drive the person further into the center of the original wounding and make it ten times worse. Same with 'professional' help. They have a piss poor track record. Do no harm. If you don't know what to do you better just support the person unconditionally and give them space to suffer in at least a gentle ring of safety. How dare you think you can save someone by forcing your will on them. So many people save others because they are simply projecting.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 833104




Wow. Somebody took an obvious sarcastic comment a little too seriously.

It was meant to sound that way, AC. You can't MAKE someone eat, they need professional help (that fact I will not come off of, you can't make someone eat with LOVE either).

Gawd.

Relax.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 782401
United States
12/03/2009 09:36 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Turtles, after talking to my friend tonight then posting this thread the first thing that came to mind was Karen Carpenter.

I mean, how could someone with the voice of an angel and a successful career think so little of themselves?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 833070



I think that's why eating disorders are so difficult, they see themselves so differently than others see them.

I have a cousin who's anorexic and as thin as she gets, frighteningly thin, she still thinks she's fat.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 832876
United States
12/03/2009 09:39 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Try something fishy website and forum. [link to www.something-fishy.org]

If the suspected bulimic is over 18, well then she's her own person and there's little to do but give moral support. I guess if you and her mom want to form a clique against her you can get some sort of court order, or do some other peer pressure type of manipulation to get her in a place where you feel she's safer. I seriously don't think this will send the right message, but hey, it's what people do for other mental disorders.

The message sent would be something like her body is not her own to care for, but that's beside the point. Since you're worried, check out that forum and ask for help there.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 833104
United States
12/03/2009 09:40 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Holy shit you are kidding right. Forcefeed!!! You know nothing about that which you speak you will drive the person further into the center of the original wounding and make it ten times worse. Same with 'professional' help. They have a piss poor track record. Do no harm. If you don't know what to do you better just support the person unconditionally and give them space to suffer in at least a gentle ring of safety. How dare you think you can save someone by forcing your will on them. So many people save others because they are simply projecting.




Wow. Somebody took an obvious sarcastic comment a little too seriously.

It was meant to sound that way, AC. You can't MAKE someone eat, they need professional help (that fact I will not come off of, you can't make someone eat with LOVE either).

Gawd.

Relax.
 Quoting: Mister Obvious


I lived with it. I did care, I really did. There was nothing I was capable of doing for her. Sometimes you need to know your limitations before making it worse. We became intertwined and a certain exposure and pain ultimately entered my life and sent me on my own journey. I didn't mean to attack you personally, I just felt what you said was wrong, period. Thank you for replying.
Mister ObviousModerator
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12/03/2009 09:40 PM

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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
[link to www.youtube.com]


Lena died of anorexia complications in 1999.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 824065
United Kingdom
12/03/2009 09:47 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
[link to healthpsych.psy.vanderbilt.edu]

This and accupuncture helped me tremendously. I never allowed myself to be medicated.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 833070
United States
12/03/2009 09:53 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
Try something fishy website and forum. [link to www.something-fishy.org]

If the suspected bulimic is over 18, well then she's her own person and there's little to do but give moral support. I guess if you and her mom want to form a clique against her you can get some sort of court order, or do some other peer pressure type of manipulation to get her in a place where you feel she's safer. I seriously don't think this will send the right message, but hey, it's what people do for other mental disorders.

The message sent would be something like her body is not her own to care for, but that's beside the point. Since you're worried, check out that forum and ask for help there.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 832876



I copied the link. It looks helpful. Thank you.

I like the yoga link too from the other poster which also looks fascinating to me. I'm writing that down too.

Thanks everybody.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 833070
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12/03/2009 09:58 PM
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Re: Anyone have experience with a bulimic?
[link to www.youtube.com]


Lena died of anorexia complications in 1999.
 Quoting: Mister Obvious



MO, I watched the vid. I didn't know who Lena was. What a beautiful girl. She had talked about her problem and had good insight but apparently in the end it didn't help her. How horribly sad.