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What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".

 
XinTexas
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12/10/2009 08:08 PM
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What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
Hey...what can I tell you? My wife got a little pissed off and hit me with a golf club. I was too dizzy to drive after that but I was hell bent on getting out of there. Didn't see the fire plug in the way and crashed a 60k custom Cadillac that I got for free.

Hell of a night wasn't it?

Since then women have been coming out of the woodwork (no pun intended) telling you of all my sexual escapades. That's escapade not Escalade.

The truth of the matter is that I play golf. I sell Buicks and Nike hats and shoes and all sorts of other things. I'm worth a billion dollars and we have parties around here like you wouldn't believe. It's a hell of house that we have here and a few more in 7 different countries.

Just for the record, I wasn't the one that picked up the waitress. My wife did. She likes girls and I like to watch. They jump in the bowl like a bunch of Cheerios and I add some chocolate milk. There's also a good friend of mine named "Big Jim" that takes care of her when I'm out of town. The prince of England can do a porn star and I can't? What's up with that?
You think THAT'S something? We order whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles in 55 gallon drums. Did I mention the BILLION dollars?

You stupid people admire rock stars that collect lovers like butterflies and now you're all up my ass over my sex life? If you really just have to know, we have orgies around here that would make Caligula blush. My wife, which you have obviously noticed is so friggin' hot she makes your teeth sweat, dresses up in cute little French maid outfits when the press isn't around and does things that would give you bastards a heart attack.

It's great being me. I'm the most famous golf player ever. Which by he way, is probably one of the most boring sports ever invented. But I mastered it. Get it? Mastered? I got more green jackets than all you numbnuts put together.

Let's get this straight. I.....play...golf. And I'm damn good at it. Just because you can't possibly beat me at a really stupid game, and you can't possibly keep up with me in the bedroom, doesn't give you the right to bitch.
Did I mention the Billion dollars?

So here's the bottom line. Stay out of my bedroom and I'll stay out of yours. Meet me on the golf course and I'll kick your ass. That is ALL you need to know.
Don't bother calling me a Neocon. I'm a card-carrying Libertarian.
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A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2009 08:12 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
bsflag
XinTexas (OP)

User ID: 837474
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12/10/2009 08:20 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
Argh Matey! Hoist the BS flag and let's set sail on a ship of who gives a fuck.
Don't bother calling me a Neocon. I'm a card-carrying Libertarian.
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A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain
Outraged

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12/10/2009 08:32 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
Tiger deserves an STD for all his cheating. Hopefully his wife gets 50% of his money, and he loses all of his sponsor gigs. He has plenty of money left to retire on anyway. I would just hope that he would lose his hero status because he doesn't deserve it. His ghetto behavior will bite him in the ass for sure.

Last Edited by Coffee Drinker on 12/10/2009 08:32 PM
BRIEF AND TO THE POINT

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12/10/2009 08:38 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
Tiger deserves an STD for all his cheating. Hopefully his wife gets 50% of his money, and he loses all of his sponsor gigs. He has plenty of money left to retire on anyway. I would just hope that he would lose his hero status because he doesn't deserve it. His ghetto behavior will bite him in the ass for sure.
 Quoting: Outraged


Wow, that's pretty harsh for just a little fuck'n don't ya think?
Poor people do poor people things, and rich people do rich people things.

You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

when you rob Paul to give to Peter ... ... ... you will always get Peters support!

:Brieffromnativea:
XinTexas (OP)

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12/10/2009 08:51 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
Tiger deserves an STD for all his cheating. Hopefully his wife gets 50% of his money, and he loses all of his sponsor gigs. He has plenty of money left to retire on anyway. I would just hope that he would lose his hero status because he doesn't deserve it. His ghetto behavior will bite him in the ass for sure.
 Quoting: Outraged


Ghetto behavior? Are you serious? There's a lot of people out there that don't confuse sex with love. Add a 3rd person added to whatever it is you do might be fun. A bisexual wife is a shitload of fun
Don't bother calling me a Neocon. I'm a card-carrying Libertarian.
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A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain
XinTexas (OP)

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12/10/2009 08:52 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
Tiger deserves an STD for all his cheating. Hopefully his wife gets 50% of his money, and he loses all of his sponsor gigs. He has plenty of money left to retire on anyway. I would just hope that he would lose his hero status because he doesn't deserve it. His ghetto behavior will bite him in the ass for sure.
 Quoting: Outraged


Ghetto behavior? Are you serious? There's a lot of people out there that don't confuse sex with love. Add a 3rd person added to whatever it is you do might be fun. A bisexual wife is a shitload of fun
Don't bother calling me a Neocon. I'm a card-carrying Libertarian.
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A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain
anonymous
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12/10/2009 08:57 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
they married in 2004 have 2 young kids and will divorce now.. how typical of modern marriages now! .. Daddy moves on. !
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2009 08:59 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
I give him props not only does he have a hott ass wife but dude got rich playing a stupid fuckin game and nailed every fine smoking hott piece of ass he ran across,thats the american fuckin dream go tiger his only regret is going to be getting caught.
XinTexas (OP)

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12/10/2009 09:34 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
I knew I was going to get a little shit for this. My point is what business it is of OURS. He plays a really boring sport. If I actually cared about men whacking little white balls around I still wouldn't care about their personal lives. I am fully capable of watching a linebacker bust through the line and sack the quarterback without caring what brothel in Las Vegas he attends next week. If you elevate so-called "sports figures" up in the hierarchy of morality, you're only going to be disappointed.
And another thing. He doesn't "deserve" anything until you know all the nuances of his personal relationship.
And THAT is none of our business either.
Don't bother calling me a Neocon. I'm a card-carrying Libertarian.
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A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain
One Of My Names
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12/10/2009 10:04 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
That speech is to long. He should hold a press conference, and say the following.

Crashed the SUV because I was pissed off driving away. Yes the wife was pissed.

Yes I fucked all those bitches, and some you may never heard of even though I am married. This is something that me and the wife have to sort out. Everyone else can suck on my ONE WOOD!

Goodbye motherfuckers.
Butthead

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12/10/2009 10:25 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
four incoming
well said op
Anonymous Coward
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12/10/2009 10:26 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
TIGER WOODS - is it in you?
Anonymous Coward
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12/11/2009 11:35 AM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
That speech is to long. He should hold a press conference, and say the following.

Crashed the SUV because I was pissed off driving away. Yes the wife was pissed.

Yes I fucked all those bitches, and some you may never heard of even though I am married. This is something that me and the wife have to sort out. Everyone else can suck on my ONE WOOD!

Goodbye motherfuckers.
 Quoting: One Of My Names 743397


That's not bad either. Especially the "one wood" part
Enaid

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12/11/2009 11:52 AM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
Tiger deserves an STD for all his cheating. Hopefully his wife gets 50% of his money, and he loses all of his sponsor gigs. He has plenty of money left to retire on anyway. I would just hope that he would lose his hero status because he doesn't deserve it. His ghetto behavior will bite him in the ass for sure.


Wow, that's pretty harsh for just a little fuck'n don't ya think?
 Quoting: BRIEF AND TO THE POINT



Fucking is okay. But he took an oath (probably to God) to only fuck his wife. And that is where he failed. 12 and counting is a bad habit.

- But the op is right. it isn't any of my business. I just think it makes for great humor. lol

Last Edited by Enaid on 12/11/2009 11:54 AM
Personal responsibility - try it sometime. Quit blaming others for your bad choices. Consequences happen.

:enaid11:
Anonymous Coward
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12/11/2009 12:24 PM
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Re: What I wish Tiger Woods would have said in his "statement".
12 and counting is a bad habit? If the skeletons in my closet ever fall out I'm going to die from calcium deposits.

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