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Message Subject Were You Part Of The "Mentally Gifted Minds" Program In California Scools back in the 70's?
Poster Handle ArmchairObserver
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I had quite the opposite problem. One where some of my closest friends questioned whether I was a machine or a human due to my lack of emotional display. In my journals, I began remarking with some amount of dull horror about how I was deadened from both emotion and physical pain when I was just 15. I am dissociative and the emotional difficulties was due to the severing of the two halves of my brain from each other and abandonment of the right "emotional" half of the brain. Or as Gowan would have put it--my conscious overlay prematurely ruptured and most likely due to developmental forcing.

Dabrowski called this heightened emotional sensitivity "OE" or "overexcitability". Getting us in control of our above average sensitivities seemed to be one of the goals in the programs as far as the discussions that I viewed went. At best, they were trying to prevent us from turning into noxious little isolated individuals who despised the world. At worst, human computers.
 Quoting: ArmchairObserver


I'm sorry it didn't work for you too well, people are fearful of what they do not understand. I think I understand, you continued with what they taught so too speak. I used to have the same problem, it was like my body wasn't even my own, if something happened to it it was like it happened to someone else. And I know exactly what you mean about being a machine, but all subconscious minds behave like machines, I even program mine like a computer.

However, I set most of tools for learning down when I shut down and stopped trying to learn proficiently in the 7th grade. Which is when I started having emotional problems. I just started practicing again in the last year or two. You can break those barriers if you want, it involves talking to your subconscious like you would anyone else. Just remember our self-programming techniques, to increase accuracy.
 Quoting: Coma Patient #7


Oof. The subconscious mind does NOT behave like a machine. Far from it--normally, it's the epitome of chaos when unrestricted. However, I would have said nearly the same things as you did above not so long ago. Have you not read any of the journal articles above? How can you not realize that you are espousing the very things that were the goals of a program that never once, in the course of human history, was thought to need to exist until the last two centuries?

Initially, when the programs within my mind started crashing, I described it as a hurricane. I'm out of the hurricane now. I'd rather put a bullet in my brain than ever go back to what I once was. The subconscious is supposed to be wild and dynamic, highly creative, and pure chaos. What they did in the programs, via either the mental programming through licensed hypnotherapists, psychologists or psychiatrists or through the teaching of ourselves to regard our minds as if they were mere, useless computers to be programmed, was wholly disruptive of the natural development of genius. Da Vinci didn't need this bullshit. Nor did Emerson, Huxley, Carroll, Hero of Alexandria, or any other wild genius throughout history.

So no thank you. I'd prefer a bullet to the brain in all earnestness. I prefer myself as I am now--wild and unfettered albeit disrupted and broken--than living in mental shackles. Forgive the hostility. It's more towards them than you. Please wake up.
 Quoting: ArmchairObserver

I had something typed out, but after looking at what I was saying. An example of the grass is green view never stood out more in my mind. I thank you for that, for tempering my approach back into this experience. As what stood out too me is I had given all this up early on and suffered for it, you had not and suffered for it and now we both want the opposite. So as I stated, you helped me conclude I should ease up on trying to re-learn and take a balanced approach. It's something I knew, but needed to hear again I guess.
 Quoting: Coma Patient #7


So glad you understood. I learned too well indeed and that awareness that others viewed me as a machine was a like a persistent cancer in my life. It caused considerable heartache, too. My ex-husband's ego was shattered by it. My next partner was driven mad by it. Plus it left me open to abuse because I could shed hurts, anger, and memory like they were water running off my skin. All it did was create more cancers in my life. It's not to say that I don't have those moments where I wish I could pass out and reboot my mind to clear out heartache, pain or fear. I have those moments indeed. It's almost like being a recovering addict. It's at those crisis moments where you just want one little hit more to dull the pain. The thing is, the trade off trades far too much and I'm aware of that now. I'm a better mother, lover, and friend--even if I also tend to be infinitely more acidic and blunt. Most of all, the pain reminds me that I am indeed alive. Plus burying those feelings down doesn't take them away permanently. It simply delays the experiencing of it.

I'm no expert, not by a longshot, on dealing with the sensitivities and empathy within us. Yet, what I'm learning is that, for me at least, the best way to deal with these feelings is to actually experience and express them. Then, reflect on them using that logic we're so heavily equipped with and accepting them. It takes infinitely longer but I feel better at the end. More rounded--not flat as a pancake.

hf
 
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