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My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 164863
United States
01/16/2010 04:36 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
No doubt there is depression in there.

I think her depression is caused by her feelings of being unfulfilled materially. In essence it just boils down to selfishness and greed.

Its like she thinks that shows like "The Hills" are real and that I somehow denied her the life she should be leading.
 Quoting: Don 866644


Have you tried marriage counciling?

Because you have kids together, it's worth a go to at least try everything before you give up.

Getting the right councilor can help reflect back to your wife what living with her has been like for you - because at this point it sounds like she's only thinking of herself and her needs. She needs a wakeup call, and sometimes a third party can help because if criticism comes from you, it will just make her scream.

You might want to let her know that this would be a last ditch effort for you because you are on your last straw.

If she refuses, then get a lawyer. I don't know how old your boys are, but you may want to sit them down and tell them that you are unhappy in the marriage and that it has nothing to do with them, that you love them with all your heart and if things don't work out with their mom, you still intend to be a big part of their lives. Tell them that mom might be so angry with you that she might try to get them to hate you, but they have the right to love both parents, no matter whether they are together or not.
Sinanju2

User ID: 847108
United States
01/16/2010 04:36 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
To the "man-up" commentators, I hear you.


Keep in mind that this anonymous forum was sought for exactly the wide range of opinions and instructions I am getting back.

In real life, I am not walking around dragging my ass and feeling sorry for myself.

In the last 8 months I have made gym time part of the routine, dropped 6 inches in the waist and rebuilt neglected muscle. I am as fit now as I did when we married, and am wearing some of the old clothes to prove it. I started with the intent of regaining her interest, that was a waste of time. I rediscovered the enjoyment of working out and am doing it for me now.
 Quoting: Don 866644


>>That is a start....
I don't do book reports, I don't sort the wheat from the chaff but I will discuss the topic of your ignorance if I'm asked. -MC Frontalot

“But make no mistake, BP is operating at our direction...” -Barry Obammy
domesticangel
User ID: 6764
United States
01/16/2010 04:38 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
btw...not an anonymous coward! You noted the change in her body odor, that is a tell-tale sign she got a demonic spirit somewhere. Think about when her behavior changed and what happened close to that time...
Sinanju2

User ID: 847108
United States
01/16/2010 04:39 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
btw...not an anonymous coward! You noted the change in her body odor, that is a tell-tale sign she got a demonic spirit somewhere. Think about when her behavior changed and what happened close to that time...
 Quoting: domesticangel 6764


>>Bullshit. It is a change in how he reacts to her pheromones.
I don't do book reports, I don't sort the wheat from the chaff but I will discuss the topic of your ignorance if I'm asked. -MC Frontalot

“But make no mistake, BP is operating at our direction...” -Barry Obammy
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 856896
United States
01/16/2010 04:41 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
btw...not an anonymous coward! You noted the change in her body odor, that is a tell-tale sign she got a demonic spirit somewhere. Think about when her behavior changed and what happened close to that time...
 Quoting: domesticangel 6764



And thunder means that the sky god is angry!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6764
United States
01/16/2010 04:41 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
NOT bullshit! Get a clue!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866691
United Kingdom
01/16/2010 04:50 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
O/P, if you have got so low that you have suicidal thoughts, then you are at about rock bottom. There is no hurry to do anything rash - you have all the time in the world :-)

It can only be up, from now on. It is time you and your wife moved on. If you love your kids, you should do as little as possible that will harm them, whoever takes custody. Start making your plans, without involving her, until the necessary time.

Breaking away from her will put you back in control, it might even make her change her ways. If she does, make sure that you keep on living separate lives, this way you can retain a proper relationship. Don't use the kids to get back at her, cut your losses, and do your duty to the kids, supporting them until they are able to look after themselves.

You have learned the hardest and most expensive lesson of your life. Don't get another woman knocked up!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 697326
United States
01/16/2010 05:02 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
1. Document every little side step she takes, in case you do need to get divorce and prove infidelity. Make copies of all emails and have an attorney safe keep it just in case. If you can make some videos of how she acts when you get home or sound record the angry out breaks.

2. Hiring a PI may be a good idea too. Just in case.

3. Have a very short talk with her about your business not doing well and that you will no longer be able to support expensive vacations or new vehicles.

4. She has no job so she should not be able to buy anything without your signature. Make sure she can not get credit by attaching your earnings. Talk to a lawyer about this one.

5. Establish a new business that you do not "run" as in your name is not on any paperwork, put your mom, dad, bro, sis whoever name on it. Have your current business pay the new business for some service on a monthly basis. That's how you siphon some side money.

6. Make sure you spend more fun time with your kids outside. All sports, movies, park, day trips make it interesting and they will remember it.

7. Never, ever talk bad about her to them while they are growing. When the time comes and they are adult you can show evidence you've collected how evil she is.

8. Never allow your self to get emotional and raise your voice in front of the kids. From now on when she starts an argument just ask her: "anything else?" it will shut her up, if she starts again, ask again: "anything else?".

9. Put a tap on your own house phone, see radio shack for that. You may learn something.

10. Make sure you sit down with her to lower the house expenses; "to save some money for the future" considering that your "business is not doing as well and all".

11. Monitor all money going out of bank accounts and any expense put on a credit card. Cancel credit cards if need to - you are the bread winner.

13. Wait out the years till your little one is 18. Once there immediately file for divorce.

12. If you really have to move on soon make sure that:

- you get a real good divorce attorney that will get the court to give you the kids
- give the attorney all the evidence of her messing around
- you have a secret place set up before you leave
- you have someone to take care of the kids when you are at work
- before you take off change the phone number at your old home and take her off the account as dual account holder

- take her off the gas, electricity, internet accounts as dual account holder, then turn the utilities off about 1 month after you leave,

- notify the utilities that you are separated and they are not allowed to turn the utilities on in your name

- in the one month after you leave let her know that unless she gets her own account the utilities will be turned off soon

- you take the kids with you and make sure there is no contact until after the court decided on your full custody

NEVER EVER MENTION TO ANYONE THAT YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL while going through divorce or any custody hearings.

When you get what you want take a nice vacation with your kids and plan a better life.

Realize that you have been scarred for life and it will take time for you to heal somewhat but if you take some good steps you may get some sanity back and although alone you may be happier.

Ah, yes forgot sex, let your hand do some heavy pumping for a while, don't let some tail make you miserable again.

Good luck OP I really feel for ya. My life had been destroyed too.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866702
Italy
01/16/2010 05:05 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
OP,

- stop buying useless things, save your money.
- use a detective to get proof.
- find the most bloodthirsty divorce lawyer of the country, and dress him in gold.
- after divorce, pay an international call to the European guy and tell him his american sweetheart is a bad smelling whale.
- go enjoy life with your children.

hugs,

an european wife.
Zephyr333
User ID: 860438
United States
01/16/2010 05:08 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
If you want it to work. Destroy T.V. AND Computer. See how long she lasts. If she stays off fantasy island for a while she might change. If not, take her outside (have her bags packed) and point to the sky and say, " The plane, the plane"...
Not waving, drowning
User ID: 866251
Australia
01/16/2010 05:09 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
Selfishness and greed, a sign of the times gringo.

I can advise you that the problem stems from her lack of direction. Being idle is a sure recipe for gluttony, avarice and sexual dereliction/ misappropriation. If she is capable of working, has an interest in something that can be turned into gainful employment, say buying/ selling on-line, then suggest this as a starting point. Getting out in the real world and earning a living is a better option as it involves contact outside of the home. Yes, in todays pathetic world there is every likelihood that she will meet someone and start a covert and devious cock-up, but if that happens then she will lose weight, pretty herself and eventually leave of her own accord and you have no cause for guilt. Alternatively, you will both grow closer and she will lose weight, pretty herself and you both live happily ever after.

There is many here who seem to think that dumping her will resolve all problems and then you can go on your merry way and become another divorce statistic. All humans have souls and it is our duty, indeed obligation to assist these souls along the path. Would you consider rowing away from a drowning man, no you would automatically throw out the life line.

BTW, if you feel lost and depressed now, go ahead and commit suicide as this will prove that you too are ultimately selfish and I can guarantee this will bring about problems for your children and damnation for yourself.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866503
United States
01/16/2010 05:20 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
Go with the overdose option; your kids would be traumatized worse if they found you with your face blown off.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866503
United States
01/16/2010 05:22 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
To the "man-up" commentators, I hear you.


Keep in mind that this anonymous forum was sought for exactly the wide range of opinions and instructions I am getting back.

In real life, I am not walking around dragging my ass and feeling sorry for myself.

In the last 8 months I have made gym time part of the routine, dropped 6 inches in the waist and rebuilt neglected muscle. I am as fit now as I did when we married, and am wearing some of the old clothes to prove it. I started with the intent of regaining her interest, that was a waste of time. I rediscovered the enjoyment of working out and am doing it for me now.
 Quoting: Don 866644

It's always nice to leave behind a handsome corpse.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866128
United States
01/16/2010 05:25 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
Three consecutive 22 yr. old nymphos and I couldn't even remember my ex-wife's name.
 Quoting: Doominator 162364


That'll do it! I did the same and boy, them tighties are worth it!
picesnator

User ID: 814500
United States
01/16/2010 05:26 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
She was great when we first dated, but in hindsight, I see the mistakes I made. She has a son from her first marriage, whom I adopted after we married.

Long story short, upon marriage and our next child she started to become a vicious and angry person. Always complaining about not having enough. New cars did not satisfy her, nor did a bigger home.

As I built a business, she stayed home and raised the kids. At least once or twice a week she would call at work and start a screaming session because she was mad at the kids or mad that she did not have a maid or that I was not bringing enough money home.

Despite the fact that she has had three news cars in 8 years, I have had none. I am driving an old minivan, but I made personal sacrifices to please her. Does it help?

In fact, it made her worse. Over 8 years she went from 110 pounds to her current level of 180. She is no longer attractive and she has diagnosed herself with a wide variety of imagined illnesses that conveniently render her unable to exercise.

These illnesses do not interfere with her staying up at night and chatting online with her new found world of friends.

In May of last year I discovered a series of emails between her and a guy in Europe. It referred to phone sex sessions and was clearly a long running emotional relationship.

Notably, when she was immersed in her online love affair, it was the only time in our relationship that she took care of herself. She dropped all of extra weight down to 125 pounds. Her attitude to me was rotten, as usual, but I knew something was up because she started being very sneaky with her computer and then started creating fake fights, leaving me with the kids and taking off for a night to a hotel to "cool off".

I suspect she was meeting someone.

When I uncovered the lies and confronted her, she made a million excuses, including blaming me for not spending enough time with her (like I want to endure being told over and over that she is not living the life she wants).

We are still together, but she is back up past 180 now. I simply avoid sex with her because it is not fun or comfortable at her size. It feels like a basketball is trapped between us, and honestly, she smells, even after a bath or shower. That stench of fat sweat is not attractive. I can't even sleep in the same room as her weight makes her snore loudly. By 3 a.m. my sleep is over and I stare at the clock waiting for the relief of morning, so I can maybe catch a nap at work during the late morning.

I used to love her. Now I just hope to make it past a day of her negative and selfish ways. I feel so sorry for my kids having a Mom like her.

I have paid for shrinks and pills and cars and clothes and homes and cameras and toys for her. She stays home, eats, and gets bigger meaner and louder.

I was always a happy person. She has beaten that out of me. I would welcome the escape of death if not for my kids. I have made the effort of doubling my life insurance to 2 million and I am now comfortably past the suicide provision.

I know if I divorce her, she will spend the rest of her life destroying our kids to get to me. If I am gone, she will not have that option and maybe she will take a moment to reconsider what she has done to me.

I cannot wait any longer.
 Quoting: Don 866644


gave it a good shot dude..........

but sometimes u have to kick that can to the curb....
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 847418
United States
01/16/2010 05:29 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
OP, I am laughing AT you for allowing yourself to become a victim. You Alone have the power to improve your quality of life. You know what you have to do.

Wanna know why Divorce is so expensive?

Answer: Because its Worth every penny!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866717
Canada
01/16/2010 05:32 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
Selfishness and greed, a sign of the times gringo.

I can advise you that the problem stems from her lack of direction. Being idle is a sure recipe for gluttony, avarice and sexual dereliction/ misappropriation. If she is capable of working, has an interest in something that can be turned into gainful employment, say buying/ selling on-line, then suggest this as a starting point. Getting out in the real world and earning a living is a better option as it involves contact outside of the home. Yes, in todays pathetic world there is every likelihood that she will meet someone and start a covert and devious cock-up, but if that happens then she will lose weight, pretty herself and eventually leave of her own accord and you have no cause for guilt. Alternatively, you will both grow closer and she will lose weight, pretty herself and you both live happily ever after.

There is many here who seem to think that dumping her will resolve all problems and then you can go on your merry way and become another divorce statistic. All humans have souls and it is our duty, indeed obligation to assist these souls along the path. Would you consider rowing away from a drowning man, no you would automatically throw out the life line.

BTW, if you feel lost and depressed now, go ahead and commit suicide as this will prove that you too are ultimately selfish and I can guarantee this will bring about problems for your children and damnation for yourself.
 Quoting: Not waving, drowning 866251

wow this is the winner
Ben de la Vega

User ID: 822622
United States
01/16/2010 05:34 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
Divorce is very well worth it. Now my ex is married to a guy who abuses her. She asked to come back to me and the kids and I told her to F**k Off!

We are much happier without her. You will find your happiness too!
Cielo Vista Meteorites
I.M.C.A. #3241
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 865640
United States
01/16/2010 05:35 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
Grab the kids and run. My mother ruined my Dad's life and made my brother and me miserable by divorcing a good guy who worked hard (my father), and marrying a shit head that kissed her ass and bought her shit. I hated him and her, but back then the mother nearly always got custody. Run far, run fast (But take the kids).
Mister ObviousModerator
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01/16/2010 05:40 PM

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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
"Love" and marriages, especially bad ones, always ruin a person, OP.


Divorce her, try to get the kids, and get out of your situation ASAP.


Forget about the woman you were once in love with, she is no more.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 755416
United States
01/16/2010 05:40 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
She was great when we first dated, but in hindsight, I see the mistakes I made. She has a son from her first marriage, whom I adopted after we married.

Long story short, upon marriage and our next child she started to become a vicious and angry person. Always complaining about not having enough. New cars did not satisfy her, nor did a bigger home.

As I built a business, she stayed home and raised the kids. At least once or twice a week she would call at work and start a screaming session because she was mad at the kids or mad that she did not have a maid or that I was not bringing enough money home.

Despite the fact that she has had three news cars in 8 years, I have had none. I am driving an old minivan, but I made personal sacrifices to please her. Does it help?

In fact, it made her worse. Over 8 years she went from 110 pounds to her current level of 180. She is no longer attractive and she has diagnosed herself with a wide variety of imagined illnesses that conveniently render her unable to exercise.

These illnesses do not interfere with her staying up at night and chatting online with her new found world of friends.

In May of last year I discovered a series of emails between her and a guy in Europe. It referred to phone sex sessions and was clearly a long running emotional relationship.

Notably, when she was immersed in her online love affair, it was the only time in our relationship that she took care of herself. She dropped all of extra weight down to 125 pounds. Her attitude to me was rotten, as usual, but I knew something was up because she started being very sneaky with her computer and then started creating fake fights, leaving me with the kids and taking off for a night to a hotel to "cool off".

I suspect she was meeting someone.

When I uncovered the lies and confronted her, she made a million excuses, including blaming me for not spending enough time with her (like I want to endure being told over and over that she is not living the life she wants).

We are still together, but she is back up past 180 now. I simply avoid sex with her because it is not fun or comfortable at her size. It feels like a basketball is trapped between us, and honestly, she smells, even after a bath or shower. That stench of fat sweat is not attractive. I can't even sleep in the same room as her weight makes her snore loudly. By 3 a.m. my sleep is over and I stare at the clock waiting for the relief of morning, so I can maybe catch a nap at work during the late morning.

I used to love her. Now I just hope to make it past a day of her negative and selfish ways. I feel so sorry for my kids having a Mom like her.

I have paid for shrinks and pills and cars and clothes and homes and cameras and toys for her. She stays home, eats, and gets bigger meaner and louder.

I was always a happy person. She has beaten that out of me. I would welcome the escape of death if not for my kids. I have made the effort of doubling my life insurance to 2 million and I am now comfortably past the suicide provision.

I know if I divorce her, she will spend the rest of her life destroying our kids to get to me. If I am gone, she will not have that option and maybe she will take a moment to reconsider what she has done to me.

I cannot wait any longer.
 Quoting: Don 866644


Friend my Father had happen what you are going through. He killed himself.

DO NOT DO THIS, DIVORCE HER, YOUR LIFE WILL GET BETTER, AND YOU WILL BE THERE FOR YOUR KIDS!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866064
Australia
01/16/2010 05:42 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
I just happened to read your post. I know what you have gone through and there is a solution. I went through something very similar to you. The answer you are seeking lies in the Supernatural. Many Christians today have forgotten that if there is a God, then there must be a Devil. If there is a Devil, then he and his family must be dealt with. You may not believe it, but you will need to go to a website that can help you. www.demonbuster.com This site has been viewed by millions and offers the best solution to the problems that you are facing. Do not hurt nor harm yourself or your wife. You will understand more when you go that website. I have been a Deliverance Minister for over 30 years and performed hundreds of Exorcisms. Your wife needs deliverance and so do you. Don't be afraid, simply believe that the Lord Jesus Christ will help you through this time. I promise that you will not be disappointed. I will pray that God will send you the right help that you need. I would also advise you to visit:
[link to www.hbcdelivers.com] you can get the address there in Higland, Indianna and they can pray for you and assist you further with materials that really work.

Thanks you,
Minister Allen M.
 Quoting: global7@safe-mail.net 866660


Well done for your constructiove advice, OP you do need to turn all of this over to God. I know this sounds 'how will that help', but it will. Just speak to Him, the best pray is 'God, help me, I believe you will, I trust You'. I promise, then sit back and watch the miracles happen.

You AND your wife are in deep pain, and it will be more painful to divorce (a whole new nightmare of pain) than to 'work through' and heal what is temporarily broken.

Forgiveness, compassion and mercy are the keys of love, and compassion we all feel for you, there is so much power in forgiveness.

People change around us, when WE CHANGE. When she is unloving or complaining, try this 'honey, I hear your unhappy, angry, frustrated, etc - how can I help..would you like a hug'. How could she respond to that? Except in amazement, it will cause an immediate 'cool' to the air. It will also make YOU feel better and taking back the power YOU allow her to take from you.

You both desparately need counselling; especially on boundaries understanding. Jesus Christ is the BEST Counsellor, His Holy Spirit. You will understand this if you ask Him into the situation.

Both of you have LOW SELF-ESTEEM. If you truly want to love yourself, her and your children, then take a breath of courage and seek to MAKE changes. For if you don't NOTHING WIILL CHANGE.

I send you His love, His ministering angels and His divine intervention to you all.

Life is NOT a dress rehersal or a destination, its a journey. So determine to make the journey wonderful by your attitude and your determination to change.

You are all so valuable, appreciated and loved - we all are, we all seek to be loved, to belong and to be acknowledged that we matter.

We give this first to ourself, self respect.

In the bible there is a scripture 'renew our mind'.

You need to seek how to 'change the way you think'.

Be grateful, the UNIVERSE loves gratitude, and the Lord Jesus Christ is the one in charge, He is sovereign.

He loves you, sees and hears all that we do.

I send you His love for today that it will carry you through the days and months ahead.

Seek out a Pastor of a local church; I'm know the Lord will guide you. Only believe.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866726
United States
01/16/2010 05:43 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
I agree with the poster that stated there are two sides to the story. In alot of cases, the husband has done a lifetime of damage in the marraige where the woman has no choice but to shut her emotions off and in so doing gives way to depression and and weight gain. I don't know if that is the case for you OP , but relationships are complicated and rarely is it one person's entire fault for the demise of the relationship. We are hearing one side of the story and already this woman has been called a bitch over and over. It's obvious the relationship is in trouble and both parties are unhappy to say the least but blaming it solely on one person is ridiculous. If anything OP is the jerk for coming on this thread and putting his wife down. It's called counseling look it up. I've seen it many many times how the spouse comes on here to get sympathy and berate the other spouse. Well OP you got your'e sympathy now do something about it. Shit or get off the pot. Frankly your'e whining is getting old.
Valent!ne

User ID: 866728
United States
01/16/2010 05:43 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
I have not read all of the responses...

So, forgive me please if I am repeating...

but I know if I divorce her, she will spend the rest of her life destroying our kids to get to me. If I am gone, she will not have that option and maybe she will take a moment to reconsider what she has done to me.


The fact that this is the distorted view of reality that you have indicates hat you need to back away from the situation and gain some perspective.

The quality of life that your children will endure, should you pass, is far worse than it will be with you in it.

I know women like this, and to be honest - your children do need you. Not for money but to provide some reflection of reality... Normalcy... What a relationship looks like when it is healthy.

If you were gone, I fear that they might never be exposed to these fundamental lessons that children MUST learn in order to be even semi well-adjusted.

It is my honest opinion that if you were to take your own life - not only would they be lonely and sad because of their loss - but, resentful and spending the rest of their lives thinking about how "selfish" their father was leaving them with her - or by themselves.

I do believe you have a valid reason to feel as you do - but, reality dictates the situation best.

Get some distance and space. If she spends the rest of HER life trying to make you miserable - you have to ask yourself... What sort of quality of life might she have?

And, I would also consider the things that she might do, and plan for them. Brush it off and move on. I promise you - your life has meaning and purpose. You are very important to, if nobody else, those children of yours. It is not an accident that you are their father.

Prayers for you and yours. Just consider my words.

smile_hear
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866064
Australia
01/16/2010 05:47 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
For those here advocating divorce, STOP. That is what is tearing our hearts apart, the destruction of the family.

This marriage is absolutely fixable, through prayer, love and forgiveness.

People, why are we hurling remarks of hatred, vindictiveness, revenge, etc? We create more of what we think about to do. We are in control of our destiny, we create the changes in our lives by seeking out to do the OPPOSITE of what is around us.

I know; I have over the past year 1/2 been on the most desert journey of my life; and I am so grateful for the changes a difficult situation gave me the oppportunity to do.

Go through the storm OP, I promise you, only then you will see the rainbow.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 746698
United States
01/16/2010 05:57 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
take her to counceling (AFTER you secure proof of cheating) if that doesn't work, you can always have it as plan B.

as for 180... I'm 180, and it makes me sad. I work out several times a week and dont really eat TOO bad. I drink a can of soda a day maybe. I dont have any dishes, coke bottles, smell, snore, or anything. I Dont think 180 is that bad and my husband loves me and is attracted to me all the same. (I still want to be 120 for him though)

Try supporting her in reaching her weight loss goals.

Try weening her off the computer addiction, do more family things together, involve the kids
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866064
Australia
01/16/2010 05:59 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
I have not read all of the responses...

So, forgive me please if I am repeating...

but I know if I divorce her, she will spend the rest of her life destroying our kids to get to me. If I am gone, she will not have that option and maybe she will take a moment to reconsider what she has done to me.


The fact that this is the distorted view of reality that you have indicates hat you need to back away from the situation and gain some perspective.

The quality of life that your children will endure, should you pass, is far worse than it will be with you in it.

I know women like this, and to be honest - your children do need you. Not for money but to provide some reflection of reality... Normalcy... What a relationship looks like when it is healthy.

If you were gone, I fear that they might never be exposed to these fundamental lessons that children MUST learn in order to be even semi well-adjusted.

It is my honest opinion that if you were to take your own life - not only would they be lonely and sad because of their loss - but, resentful and spending the rest of their lives thinking about how "selfish" their father was leaving them with her - or by themselves.

I do believe you have a valid reason to feel as you do - but, reality dictates the situation best.

Get some distance and space. If she spends the rest of HER life trying to make you miserable - you have to ask yourself... What sort of quality of life might she have?

And, I would also consider the things that she might do, and plan for them. Brush it off and move on. I promise you - your life has meaning and purpose. You are very important to, if nobody else, those children of yours. It is not an accident that you are their father.

Prayers for you and yours. Just consider my words.

smile_hear
 Quoting: Valent!ne


This has,for the most part, good healthy heartfelt and sincere advice.

One thing I would like to add, you are their Father. That is reason enough to go on.

My Father was never in my life, albeit for a 'few' occasions of meeting him after I knew who he was. He could not give to me what he was never given; he too was abandoned as a child. I decided to forgive him, and love him from a distance. He is passed on now.

Just listen to the many stories of those who longed for a father; one GLPer on here that lost her dad at 7, and still can burst into tears at the thought of him. Doesn't that speak to you? Your children need you. Remeber they have occassions up ahead in their lives; weddings, grandchildren etc and having you there to celebrate these occasions will be all that matters.

We search for meaning, for 'things' to change our feelings (which last only until we buy another new thing)...but the thing we need is right in front of us...the people in our lives we are blessed to have, spouses, children, friends.
Invest more in these things, for we were created for relationships, NOT things.

The devil is having a FIELD DAY with the anger, hate, resentment etc we have toward one another. We need to make healthier choices, and not to REACT to those who say things that hurt, THEY are in PAIN. We can teach them how to escape from their own emotional prisons by the way we live, the way we speak and the way we trun our lives around.

Can't we see this - we can only fix us, not others. We HAVE NO RIGHT to change anyone but ourself.

Jesus said to LOVE ONE ANOTHER as WE love ourselves. We cannot give what we do not feel.

OP you sound like a good man, though I sense rigidity and perfectionistic traits? Only Christ can change your heart, only He can teach you how your life can be so much better.
Look at the character of Jesus in the bible.

Read Proverbs chapters (all men would do well to) 3, 4 and 5, WISDOM is your new best friend you need to develop.

Love is stronger than hate, choose to love.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866736
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01/16/2010 05:59 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
Too many cop out of marriages for one reason or another just to jump into another relationship or marriage with the same problems rearing their ugly heads. Reason being you can't run away from yourself. The problems don't go away because you change spouses, when and if they do will because you took a long look at your'e own life and except responsibility for your'e own problems and changing the core belief system that you have about yourself. Then and only then can real change occur. I suggest you pick up the book love dare and follow it through and see what happens. Your wife is broken and I sense that on some level you have been abusive to her. People don't act that way for no reason. Consider the role that you played in your'e own marraige's demise and take control. Change yourself and you will be amazed at the change you will see in your wife.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 866736
United States
01/16/2010 05:59 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
Too many cop out of marriages for one reason or another just to jump into another relationship or marriage with the same problems rearing their ugly heads. Reason being you can't run away from yourself. The problems don't go away because you change spouses, when and if they do will because you took a long look at your'e own life and except responsibility for your'e own problems and changing the core belief system that you have about yourself. Then and only then can real change occur. I suggest you pick up the book love dare and follow it through and see what happens. Your wife is broken and I sense that on some level you have been abusive to her. People don't act that way for no reason. Consider the role that you played in your'e own marraige's demise and take control. Change yourself and you will be amazed at the change you will see in your wife.
Anonymous Coward
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01/16/2010 06:10 PM
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Re: My wife has ruined our marriage, my life, and now I want to die.
She was great when we first dated, but in hindsight, I see the mistakes I made. She has a son from her first marriage, whom I adopted after we married.

Long story short, upon marriage and our next child she started to become a vicious and angry person. Always complaining about not having enough. New cars did not satisfy her, nor did a bigger home.

As I built a business, she stayed home and raised the kids. At least once or twice a week she would call at work and start a screaming session because she was mad at the kids or mad that she did not have a maid or that I was not bringing enough money home.

Despite the fact that she has had three news cars in 8 years, I have had none. I am driving an old minivan, but I made personal sacrifices to please her. Does it help?

In fact, it made her worse. Over 8 years she went from 110 pounds to her current level of 180. She is no longer attractive and she has diagnosed herself with a wide variety of imagined illnesses that conveniently render her unable to exercise.

These illnesses do not interfere with her staying up at night and chatting online with her new found world of friends.

In May of last year I discovered a series of emails between her and a guy in Europe. It referred to phone sex sessions and was clearly a long running emotional relationship.

Notably, when she was immersed in her online love affair, it was the only time in our relationship that she took care of herself. She dropped all of extra weight down to 125 pounds. Her attitude to me was rotten, as usual, but I knew something was up because she started being very sneaky with her computer and then started creating fake fights, leaving me with the kids and taking off for a night to a hotel to "cool off".

I suspect she was meeting someone.

When I uncovered the lies and confronted her, she made a million excuses, including blaming me for not spending enough time with her (like I want to endure being told over and over that she is not living the life she wants).

We are still together, but she is back up past 180 now. I simply avoid sex with her because it is not fun or comfortable at her size. It feels like a basketball is trapped between us, and honestly, she smells, even after a bath or shower. That stench of fat sweat is not attractive. I can't even sleep in the same room as her weight makes her snore loudly. By 3 a.m. my sleep is over and I stare at the clock waiting for the relief of morning, so I can maybe catch a nap at work during the late morning.

I used to love her. Now I just hope to make it past a day of her negative and selfish ways. I feel so sorry for my kids having a Mom like her.

I have paid for shrinks and pills and cars and clothes and homes and cameras and toys for her. She stays home, eats, and gets bigger meaner and louder.

I was always a happy person. She has beaten that out of me. I would welcome the escape of death if not for my kids. I have made the effort of doubling my life insurance to 2 million and I am now comfortably past the suicide provision.

I know if I divorce her, she will spend the rest of her life destroying our kids to get to me. If I am gone, she will not have that option and maybe she will take a moment to reconsider what she has done to me.

I cannot wait any longer.
 Quoting: Don 866644

OP, you know in your heart you can't continue to live this way and the best thing for you is to be honest with yourself and be TRUE to yourself. Take the first step!

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