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Poll is wrong: Americans in flyover states are Ork-like creatures with low foreheads and torsos pumped full of custard

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 75950
United States
02/18/2010 03:03 PM
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Poll is wrong: Americans in flyover states are Ork-like creatures with low foreheads and torsos pumped full of custard
I almost fell off my chair this morning when I read about the www.OnePoll.com finding that Americans are the most attractive people in the world. Over 5,000 British travellers were asked to rank the citizens of different countries in order of attractiveness and the United States came top, followed by Brazil, Spain, Australia and Italy.

I’ve spent almost 25 per cent of my adult life in America and continue to spend at least a month there every year and, frankly, this poll is complete balls. I suspect that the vast majority of the respondents have never set foot outside New York or Los Angeles. The moment you travel in the “flyover states” you encounter a race of Ork-like creatures with low foreheads, hairy hands and torsos that look as if they’ve been pumped full of custard.

According to a recent report on CBS Evening News, some 190 million Americans are overweight or obese — two-thirds of the population. Even 40 per cent of American pets are overweight. I took my family for a two-week holiday in Las Vegas last year and, let me tell you, the people in the all-you-can-eat buffet at Mandalay Bay looked like the wheelchair-bound humanoids in Wall-E.

Even the young, thin, rich Americans you encounter in New York and Los Angeles aren’t all that good-looking. They certainly present themselves well, investing a huge amount of time and money in personal grooming, but the raw material is often fairly poor. I wouldn’t dispute that there are some genuinely attractive people in both cities, but they are nearly all foreign tourists.

Now, any Americans reading this will think, “You can talk! You come from a nation of Hobbits” and I wouldn’t dispute that. The same survey had Brits at number seven on the list, which vastly inflates our attractiveness. My holiday in Las Vegas last year coincided with Ricky Hatton’s fight against Manny Pacquiao and any American who encountered Ricky’s travelling fans — known as “the Hatton horde” — will never think of Limeys in quite the same way again. Fifty years of Masterpiece Theatre propaganda destroyed in a single night.

For what it’s worth, here’s my list of the top five countries, ranked in order of attractiveness: 1. Israel. 2. Latvia. 3. Czech Republic. 4. Denmark. 5. Somalia.

[link to blogs.telegraph.co.uk]
Hillbilly Hippie

User ID: 894569
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02/18/2010 03:06 PM
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Re: Poll is wrong: Americans in flyover states are Ork-like creatures with low foreheads and torsos pumped full of custard
The moment you travel in the “flyover states” you encounter a race of Ork-like creatures with low foreheads, hairy hands and torsos that look as if they’ve been pumped full of custard.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 75950

The moment you types come around we parade the urban tourists out in public and hide our women. You just keep thinking that, Bubba. It is the way we want it...
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