Thread for Prissy Preppers!!

If you're a female and are like me and not very handy, here are some things I've come up with since I can't sleep. This thread is somewhat of a jest (making fun of myself) but also a few good things to think about.

-Stock up on coffee.. pods, bags, anything you can get your hands on. At the least, get a French Press, and even an air pot in case you have to travel and your local Dunkins is closed (and employees probably have the virus anyway).

-If you have kids, buy next year's winter clothes now on clearance in bigger sizes to accommodate their growth.

-Buy clothes in smaller sizes since you'll lose weight from starvation and running from crazy people trying to get your coffee. Or purchase belts. One does not want to have plumbers butt while trying to survive Armageddon.

-Buy to-go cups with lids for coffee. And other drinks. Disposable ones so you don't have to wash and waste water. Get the foam ones since no once will care about the environment anymore and your coffee will stay hotter longer.

-Fill your propane tanks for gas grill. Get extras. I actually can't do this myself because I'm a weak female so will have the hubby do it.

-Buy your hair color and mascara now. You don't want your partner to know how old you TRULY look or he'll trade you for food or beer. Or, don't color hair or wear makeup so when it goes Mad Max you'll be looked over and no one will want to steal you.

-Curly hair will be "in" again if the power goes out for any length of time. Stock up on gel or mousse.

-Stock up on pony tail elastics to put hair up while sweating from foraging.

-Stock up on your favorite alcohol for yourself while also stocking up on beer and spirits in case you need a favor from a man (turning on gas grill, wood cutting, figuring out how to light a fire) (yep, I'm screwed if the hubby gets this thing).

-Groom pets now, possibly shave them, so it's easier to take care of when the groomer gets sick. Keep their fur for stuffing pillows (see "sewing" below).

-Write down all the contacts in your phone, including CDC and other "authorities" so you can yell at them that they really screwed up on this one. Tell them during the next worldwide culling that they should be more organized.

-Buy stamps in case you need to send a letter to your bff venting about how the hubby ALREADY ate the stash of Reeses you stored when our phones don't work. Samsung users who received a "1" possibly most at risk of signal loss.

-If you're uncomfortable with guns, go to your local hardware store and purchase hammers, sickles, nail gun, etc then buy some baseball bats for protection. Even baseballs if you have a good arm and think you can knock out a person in one throw as to not waste your baseball ammo. Look at your kid's and hubby's sports supply for further ideas.

-Use volleyball net to wrap up any intruders or people you've culled. This will attract animals that you can knock out with baseball and keep as a pet if they're cute. Skunks are probably your best bet to keep other people away. Woodchucks also cute and can dig big holes like nobody's business. Use as a cave.

-When fishing, I've been told corn can sometimes work if you get icked out by earthworms. Also, buy a fishing pole and learn how to cast without getting the hook caught in your hair (see above for pony tail elastics).

-Buy lots of bug spray for when the kids go outside because their electronics aren't working.

-Make sure to have food & blankets if you own a boat for when you live on it. If no boat, stock up on the biggest blow-up floats you can find. See sunscreen above; the end of the world doesn't mean you need to age. People will remark how the caretakers "did a nice job" on you while looking at your casket. No one needs to know you used sunscreen and that's truly the reason why you look so good.

-Buy a basketball to draw a face on to make a friend in case you end up alone. Feel free to name him "Neworldorder" and bounce, kick, pop him with furious force.

-For Vintage/Goodwill/Thrift lovers: Gather up all your collections of silver-plated serve ware that you have in your basement in a box that you intended to use for the fancy party you're planning in your head to have one day to barter with. Surely it can be melted down somehow.

-Go Female Astronaut and purchase Depends or the likewise in case you feel uncomfortable peeing outside or don't have time to stop running from mob trying to get your coffee.

-If you can sew you'll be worth gold. Be sure to have thread and sewing needles of all types. Learn how to sew masks, diapers and body bags. If you're a knitter, start knitting blankets.

-Purchase clearance Valentine's candy for barter.

-For when the power goes out: Purchase puzzles and games. Left/Right/Center is a good game as well as Cards Against Humanity. No batteries needed.

-Buy batteries.

-Write "GLP" on your forehead in hopes to find other GLPers. Offer them a cup of coffee ;).

A silly little thread to take the angst off this virus for a bit.




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