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Feeling really down tonight
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Original Message
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I just got off the phone with my sis back home.
My mum back home in New Zealand, was diagnosed with inoperable, terminal lung cancer.... two days before we found out about hubby's abdominal tumour. About 4 months ago.
Then, they did not expect her to live until christmas, but being the fighter she is, she did.... But now, is deteriorating rapidly. The morphine is not holding her pain at all... Omg! It is too much for me to think about really, having nursed so many in my years, that I know what she is going through back home.
One of the hardest things for me to bear, is the fact that I am, stuck here in the states... with no money to be able to return home to nurse her in her last days, and make her as comfortable as my 30 years in nursing taught me... or even, to be able to see her again.
It fucking sucks!!!!
I can't even see the keyboard properly as I am typing through my tears of frustration, and hurt for what she is going through.
damn it all, I hate this feeling of utter helplessness.
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