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He's gone now, I Lost my precious HUSBAND....He died on May 17 from myelodysplastic syndrome.
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Original Message
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I am devastated. I took good care of him for many years as we were only married four years when he got sick, but those four years were filled with so much care, love and respect that he lasted 12 more years, progressively getting sicker and sicker. I do not think I can go through watching someone I love go through this again.
My 16 year old daughter is having a tough time, too!!
She has been chosen to go to spend three weeks at the Governor's mansion to go to some gifted college classes for college credit. Her daddy made her promise not to stop her education as he said he would not be here for her to fall-back on...She is in the top 2% of extremely gifted young women in mathematics in the USA, so my husband knows she can go far, but she is so overwhelmed with grief.
What does a mother do? Respect my husband's wishes for his only child who has much to give to this sore, cold world, or make her stay home? I think she needs to keep her mind active, She is a junior in high school and three of her AP teachers came to the services to show love and support but what really got me was they did not even know Lauren's dad was sick!!
When I ask her why she never told these sweet teachers her dad was this sick and preparing to die, she said she did not want to be treated any different by her teachers, or her friends in her classes.
Many of you old timers here know that ocasionally I mentioned my husband's and had asked for prayers. Well, I want to thank you for the responses over the years for prayers. We kept him with us for A LOT longer than THEY said he'd be on Earth.
I want to share this last bit with you who have been suportive and have cared the last ten years. (GLP has been my sanctuary while in and out of hospitals for years and years)
Here is how he finally departed.
We had been back in the hospital this time for over a month, he was getting worse and worse, I asked them to get hospice set up so I could bring him home. He wanted to come home. They got every detail set up and went out of their way to do all the extras too! His blood tests were getting worse and worse, and they knew it was not going to be long, so like I said, arrangements were made to get him home and comfortable.
That was not to happen. In the middle of the night, lance pulled out a 10cc ballon catheter and had become incoherent. Blood filled the room where he had injured himself pulling that cath out. He had taken a much worse turn for the worse, so the Dr came in....gently took me aside, said I was not going to be able to take him home, he was out of his mind, and he needed 24 hour care. He told me there was a wonderful hospice hospital where I could stay with him but that he was going pretty fast as the last blood tests showed.
There went my last hope of him beating this bout of illness. \
So Dr told me where there was a wonderful in-house hospice where the Dr's who have family who need hospice goes. He took care of it all and we were transfered there and within an hour they had us all settled in this extremely nice big room with a two story area where the patient's bed is so they can get the advantage of the afternoon sun for a sunbath.
It was the most wonderful hospital hospice in the most questionable area in a place that was indeed a slice of Heaven. (in case any of you need these services, i can help you with info and a call, if you need my support) He was NOT over medicated, he told us when he was in pain....none of that morphine slow death what so ever.
He died at 5:45 am and I watched his countenance change from anxiety to serenity. His sky blue eyes were expressed the same was they were when he looked upon our daughter the first time, with awe and great amazement. I knew he was with the Angels and I was happy, but immediately I missed him.
I don't know where my life is going to take me now.....time has caught up with me in this process. But I know I will find my way and be ok.
I just need some time.
  
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