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Newly single dad of 6 mos after 20 years of marriage. How do I relate to my kids?
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[quote:Anonymous Coward 61510392:MV8zMDM3NDY3XzUzOTEyNjU0XzJDMTRBOTRD] [quote:TheBiss:MV8zMDM3NDY3XzUzOTExMzUyX0QxMDk2MTdD] [quote:Anonymous-Girl:MV8zMDM3NDY3XzUzOTExMzA5XzNCQUM0Q0Ix] It's especially hard for a father/daughter relationship at that age. You could always just come out and ask them if there's anything they'd like to do... [/quote] Mostly likely that's what Im going to have to do. We're going to see Star Wars tonight since they grew up watching the Prequels (Ugh). The 15 year old is into classical music which is something I love as well, so we went to the ballet to see an interpretation of Holst's PLANETS Suite, but man alive those tickets were a wallet sucker. The 13 year old likes manga and anime. I've tried watching it with her, and the soap opera stuff she watches is no Speed Racer or Starblazers. (double ugh) [/quote] It's all about getting through to your kids on a level they'll understand. I'm in my 20s now, but I grew up in a supremely disjointed household (mom remarried 3 times, dad was basically never around outside of obligations) and I never felt close to my family because none of them were on, or could bring themselves to, the mental and emotional level I was. My personality is very laid back, analytical, and low-emotion, while my mother is the most neurotic and dramatic person I know. Needless to say, it's not easy for us to relate. The best thing you can do is figure out where your girls lie on that scale (i.e Are they homebodies or do they like to go out? Are they low-emotion and quiet or more expressive? Are they laid back or more high strung?) and try to bring yourself to that level. From there, just tailor their interests to that level. If the 15 year old likes to go out more and enjoys classical music, then maybe it's worth going to the ballet. If she likes to just chill around the house, rent something like Les Mes, make a homemade pizza, and have a movie and cooking night. Lastly, the best thing you can do, especially as they hit 16, 17, etc. is TREAT THEM LIKE ADULTS. You have no idea how influential the first person that treats your child like an adult will be. Talk to them about their lives on a level beyond just "how was school". Get to know their dreams and aspirations. Ask them about the boys they like. Ask them about their friendships. Hell, let them have a beer or glass of wine as they get a bit older. Just make sure that you never reprimand them or tell them what to do (unless they ask for your opinion) in the midst of those conversations because they'll shut down and just see you as "dad" rather than a friend who also their father. What you ultimately want is them to feel comfortable telling you anything. That kind of communication is what real relationships are built on. You are at a perfect time in their lives to be the best father imaginable. The teenage years are when they want independence from their mother, and if you really work to listen and be apart of their lives as more than just a father figure, you are going to really build an incredible relationship with your daughters. Best of luck. I can already tell you are doing better than most dads in this situation. [/quote]
Original Message
Long story short: Wife decided to go out and have herself a midlife crisis after 20 years of marriage. Racked up a bunch of debt buying clothes and partying (while she told me she was a Bible study), ruined my credit rating, nearly fleeced me for $250K which is a story in itself, got a few boyfriends, etc.
During that time, I worked and she stayed at home with the kids. She was a lousy wife, but a good mom. We're doing joint custody of the remaining daughters who are at home ages 15 and 13. Our eldest is out of the house.
I dont get home until 6pm on the evenings I have them. And the ex has been their primary caregiver their whole lives. I find that our evenings together are spent primarily camped out watching NetFlix, them texting various friends and love interests, and then going to bed.
What are some inexpensive things that I can do (other than board games) to help relate better to my kids so they don't feel like their time with dad is a drag?
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