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Original Message
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This may sound depressing to some of you, but honestly i've tried everything that normal people have, and I can honestly say that I was happiest when I was in the heart of the financial district of London in a pinstripe suit and crisp white open-button walking to work at 5.45am to get there for 6. I would track markets all day, be on the phone to clients, work on deals, work on portfolio growth, work on hedging risk, work on M&A and private equity projects, and finish at 9-10pm. I'd then go for a couple of beers with work brahs, finish at midnight and sleep for about 1am after watching an episode of a TV series. I'd sleep 4 hours a night, wake up at 5am, shower, have breakfast, and repeat.
In my life, i've been through uni (parties, socials, societies), i've travelled the world (25+ countries), i've had free time to just rot (when I was laid off in O&G), i've had another job (normal 35-40 hour week), i've dated girls and been in a relationship, i've had sex, i've done drugs, i've lifted, i've completed marathons, i've learned a new instrument/language, i've climbed mountains, i've snorkelled, i've been on ship cruises, i've done everything... but NOTHING compares to Investment Banking for me.
Anything I do is a short time small burst of happiness, and that's it. I don't feel challenged, I don't feel pressured, I don't feel thrilled, and I get bored easily. I can't sustain a relationship, I can't work a normal job, I can't find a way to be happy. My life feels pointless and I feel common and worthless.
Conversely, in IB, I felt like a King. A champion. I felt like I was in a jungle. Every day was competitive. Every day was ruthless. Every day was brutal. Every day was performance-related. Every action was monitored. You had to fight to keep clients. You had to out-compete your peers or you'd be fired. You had to make money trading high volume or you wouldn't meet targets. It was a dick measuring contest and I LOVED it! I felt like I was maximising my potential. I felt like I was making a difference. I felt like I was doing the impossible. Infact I knew I was. I was doing what like 0.00000000000000000000000000001% of the world could do. Anyone can manage a pub or become a doctor or teach children or become a trade worker; electrician, plumber, etc. There's nothing special about these careers. You get lifelong job security and work a basic 40 hour repetitive week after a bit of education and training.
But for Banking you have to be a natural. You have to be brave. You have to take calculated risks. You have to understand markets. You have to be able to sell a slaughterhouse to a vegetarian. You have to take your clients money and turn it into your own. You have to be remarkable. And the feeling of when it pays off is truly euphoric. There's nothing like it.
I've rawdogged an 8/10 and creampied deep in her poocy and I didn't feel half the sensations that I did when global commodity volatility was at its breaking point and everyone was shorting but one day crude went up $5/barrel which shocked the world. The night before I spent all night researching analyst predictions, monitoring trade volumes, talking to international personnel, and I bought. I told the risk manager and he bertstared me but I showed him all my research and he gave me the go ahead. Said that as long as I play it safe to hedge risk by taking an equal and opposite position in the market. I went with my gut instinct and made $7.9 million dollars in one single trade for the firm. I was baby faced and wearing my first ever pinstripe when I did. I was cheered in the office like the General of the British Army after returning from war and sent home at midday. The next day, there was a $1200 watch, a silk tie with silver cufflinks and a business card from the CFO waiting at my desk who was going to take me out to dinner. At the dinner, he paid for a $200 steak and $500 bottle of wine, and we ate in one of the finest restaurants in London in Mayfair. He then presented me a bonus cheque and told me that I have a bright future ahead of me. But most importantly, I won the respect of people in the office. Apart from a poverty intern, I was the youngest person. People thought of me as a joke. Just like I do with the new kid now. Nobody talked to me, people asked me to make their coffee, I was just a paperboy. But after that 1 trade, ONE SINGLE TRADE, seniors in the office greeted me good morning, people asked my day, the receptionist set me up with her friend on nights out, I didn't pay for a single round of drinks until the day I left! I felt like Denzel Washington on a film set.
I'll never forget that day for the rest of my life, and things like that just don't happen in other professions. I honestly feel like i'm rotting away my life whenever I leave Central London. If I was an American, i'd live in Manhattan because outside of the big city, i'd feel lost. I'd feel depressed. I'd feel no purpose or challenge or excitement.
I think the next networking dinner with people from IB that I attend, or the next CEO/MD/authoritative figure I meet, i'm just going to be honest and say the above. I'm going to show him i'm hungry and I need IB more than IB needs me. It's not just a job to me, it's not even a career, at the moment, it's the thing that will stop me from committing suicide out of boredom. And if they offer me a job, i'll quit mine, buy a new pinstripe and start the next morning (SRS).
Just curious, does anyone else feel this way about their job/life?
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