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I'm in shock from the sudden death of my beloved husband...
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[quote:January Wolves:MV8zMzAzNTUxXzU5MDYxNDQ5X0M5MkMzMkJC] So sorry, OP. My husband was also murdered. I think losing a loved one to murder is harder in many ways than to medical reasons or an accident because it seems so senseless. In my case I knew who did it and was determined to get justice for my husband. It took me two years to get it to a federal level but the politics of covering up reached that level also. It's been several years and I'm still not over it and never expect to be. The one thing that helped me, and still helps me, is writing to him and what the kids and I are doing and also write about all the memories we had together. I cry a lot when I do write the letters but it helps to get it out. I know, from somewhere out there - somewhere in time, that he is reading them. I also have kept many of his things. Don't let anyone pressure you into getting rid of any of them until you are ready. Slowly, I was able to let go of some things but still have way too many. Well meaning friends (and the psych drs.- speaking of which, don't let them over medicate you! I never took a thing because I realized you have to meet the pain head on.) might also tell you that it's been long enough that you should be over it. Again don't listen. Everyone grieves in their own way. Well meaning friends also tell me I should be in another relationship by now. In my heart I know I will never find someone as wonderful as he was. I was also questioning God when my husband died. But now I accept that my husband is nearer to God now. He has gone home and I will see him again some day. I wish I could tell you that you do get over it but I didn't. But I did get to the point of functioning again and taking care of my children and family and deriving happiness from that. And I think that is what both my husband and yours would want us to do - to treasure our family & friends and try to find some kind of happiness until we all meet again somewhere in time. Prayers for you and may God bless you. [/quote]
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It was five months ago. He was murdered at the age of 61. I've since sold my home and am living in a small rental. Most of my world possessions are in storage. I don't have the heart to sort through them.
My memory is extremely poor. I can tell that I am not right. I've lost 30 pounds and look 20 years older.
I was praying for my husband when he was shot. I loved him so very much and he loved me.
Where was God? How am I to ever pray again? How am I to ever trust God again?
I have a roomate in my home now who helps me get through the days. Without this roomate, I'd be in a psyche ward.
And yes, I'm seeking medical, psychiatric, spiritual help. The drugs just cloud my mind. The doctors says I'm in shock (Acute Stress Disorder) and will soon move into PTSD. The psychiatrist says I'm doing well. The psychologist may be outt of her depth on this one.
Every day of my life, I thanked God for my wonderful husband. I never ever took him for granted. Ever. I loved every thing about him.
Where is God? And how do I face the days?
Please, no flippant answers. I'm in deep pain, in a small rental home filled with boxes. I don't know where I'm going. I can't even think 10 minutes ahead without weeping.
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