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Subject Enhanced Footage Of Memorial Service Reveals Hillary Clinton Was Actually Reciting Ancient Ritual To Summon Cthulhu From His Slumber

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It may have looked like Hillary Clinton was reciting the Apostles' Creed along with the rest of those gathered at yesterday's memorial service for George H.W. Bush—Trump and his wife excepted. But the truth appears to be far more sinister: enhanced, slowed-down, zoomed-in footage of the event revealed that Clinton was actually reciting an ancient cultic ritual to raise ancient god Cthulhu from his slumber.

As others around her dutifully cited the Apostles' Creed, Clinton's eyes glazed over in a trance. Her voice took on a cold, eldritch quality, "at least more than usual," according to witnesses. "Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!" she began, as others in her pew shifted uncomfortably. "Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!"

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