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Trump Curse: Jeff Bezos’ embarrassing cheating sexts to his leftist news anchor lover revealed in tabloids.
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Original Message
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[link to jezebel.com (secure)]
Please try and keep your morning repast down, as it brings me no pleasure to share this news with you now. There appear to be dirty texts from divorcé bajillionaire Jeff Bezos that only prove that shiny, bald, rich motherfuckers don’t really know how to sext.
These texts were unearthed by the National Enquirer, so do what you will with that source. Personally, I don’t want to believe that these are real, but given the contents of said texts, I think they are?
In one message obtained by The Enquirer, on newsstands today, Bezos wrote: “I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon.”
In another pillow talk exchange, on May 13, the horn-dog billionaire wrote: “I want to smell you, I want to breathe you in. I want to hold you tight.… I want to kiss your lips…. I love you. I am in love with you.”
The timestamp present on these messages also reportedly indicates that Bezos was creeping around with Lauren Sanchez for some time before the public announcement of his divorce, which, for the record, was only on Wednesday. I don’t care about when he started sending these pedestrian and wholly unexciting sexy messages to Lauren Sanchez, but I am concerned that they are so tame and also slightly distressed at how BAD they are??
“I love you, alive girl” is not a panty-dropper, and even less so when it comes from the dead-eyed, shiny-headed man as seen above. Being called an “alive girl” ranks pretty low on the list of horned-up eroticisms, somewhere above “Are you still on your period?” and below “Should we do this or nah?” Bezos, do better. God!
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