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Subject I am a slob from Alberta, who am I? (Bored people and Psychics welcome)

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Original Message Hi folks
I am a beer swilling, cheeseburger eating slob of zero importance.
My teeth are yellow and my hair is receding.
I poop once a week.
Who am I?
Winner receives a Tim Horton’s Roll Up the Rim “free donut” tab.

Psychics welcome!

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