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EXCLUSIVE! Interview with Levi (Bristol baby daddy)!! LOL
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Original Message
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Before this gets pulled from the net! Read this!! I laughed my ass off.
[link to atencio.tumblr.com]
I secured an exclusive interview with Levi Johnston, father of the famed Bristol Internet Baby. I secured this interview with investigative techniques culled from several weeks spent making cold-call sales in the summer of 1999. Transcript follows.
Voice [male, older]: Hello?
Peter Atencio: Yes, is Levi there?
Voice: Who’s calling?
Peter: Uh…Gunner. From school.
Voice: Hold on. [away from phone] Levi! Get your ass down here, you got a call!
[footsteps]
Voice [male, younger]: Hello?
Peter: Is this Levi?
Voice: Yeah, who is this?
Peter: This is Peter Atencio, I’m calling about the news that was released today about you and Ms. Palin.
Levi: Say what?
Peter: Uh…I’m calling about the baby.
Levi: [long pause] Baby?
Peter: Yes…the baby you fathered with Mrs. Palin?
Levi: Palin? Oh, you mean Bristol Farms?
Peter: Excuse me?
Levi: Dude, are you talking about Bristol Farms? Oh shit, is she pregnant?
Peter: Yes sir. Are you saying you were unaware of this?
Levi: Oh fuck dude, my dad is gonna go apeshit. I knew I should have wrapped it up! Can’t get pregnant my ass! [laughing] Fuck, that’s what I get for screwing Bristol Farms.
Peter: Let me get this straight. You were unaware you had fathered a child?
Levi: Oh hell no. I don’t talk to her no more. Her mom flipped out last year and pulled her outta school, y’know? Plus, she was kind of a bitch anyways. And a little chubby. I mean, I don’t mind some cushion for the the pushin, but she was borderline for me. Always really clingy, constantly talked shit about her family, said her mom was like this total nazi. It was nuts, that family’s crazy. Ever since her mom got elected, her dad was always gone on these snowmobile trips, she said he didn’t know how to handle it. Plus they had this whole room of their house that was just guns and dead animals and shit. I mean, par for the course around here, right, but still, just more crazy than usual.
Peter: Sir, the press has been led to believe you have intent to marry Ms. Palin before the baby is born.
Levi: [laughter] Are you serious!? Oh my god, no way. If she thinks that then she’s nuts. I mean, it was a one time thing over at Aaron Cooper’s cabin after the baseball game. I told her it didn’t mean anything. Oh man, I hope this doesn’t get out. My dad would totally go nuts.
Peter: Are you aware that her mom is currently the Republican Vice Presidential candidate?
Levi: What?
Peter: Have you watced or read any kind of news in the last four days?
Levi: Uh, no. Are you serious. Vice President?
Peter: Yes.
Levi: Are they gonna arrest me?
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
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