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Subject Floridians Urged Not To Screw Up The Election Again
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Original Message Election offices opened today in Florida to give the stateīs voters time to carefully vote for who they really want and not make any mistakes as they did in the last Presidential election.

"We decided to open up the voting polls early this year." Stated a Florida voting official, "We figured if we open it for them 3 weeks before the election, it would give them enough time not to fuck it up again. They would not be in a hurry. And the oneīs that couldnīt find the voting place in the last election, now have almost 3 weeks to find it."

"I beg you." Stated John Edwards in a heartfelt speech in Florida, "Please, from the bottom of my heart. Do not fuck up this election again! Our win depends on you people. If you want Kerry to be your next president, please, select John Kerry as the new President on your ballot. Donīt pick anyone else with a different name. Remember, his name starts with J and ends with N. Donīt pick any other name that does not start with J. Thank you."

Election officials in the state said that even though opening up the polls three weeks prior to the election creates more work, it is worth it so that "we donīt become the embarrassment of the country when it comes to Presidential elections."

President Bush, however, expressed great disappointment in Florida voting three weeks early. "You donīt understand." Stated President Bush, "This is not good for us. I was counting on Florida to screw it up again so that the Supreme Court can just let me have my second term! This stinks!"




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