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Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)

 
Perry Mason
User ID: 1109071
United States
09/24/2010 04:38 PM
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Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
This stinks like I may be put on a damn federal jury...
Just my luck I'd be sequestered and have some bullshit case like Lindsay Lohan that ties me up for weeks.

Plus!

I have to drive 75 miles to get to the court...

And!

I have to report there by 8:00 AM!

Ain't that the shit!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1097474
Finland
09/24/2010 04:39 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
just say "not guilty" every time something is asked from you.
SpaceGhost

User ID: 1081433
United States
09/24/2010 04:39 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
might be interesting....

75 miles! 8:00 :wtf:
machobird
User ID: 1097799
United States
09/24/2010 04:40 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Just tell them that you read GLP everday. You'll get tossed off the panel right away.

machobird
BRIEF AND TO THE POINT

User ID: 381742
United States
09/24/2010 04:41 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
just say "not guilty" every time something is asked from you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1097474


That will backfire if the defendant's attorney asks you something...
Poor people do poor people things, and rich people do rich people things.

You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

when you rob Paul to give to Peter ... ... ... you will always get Peters support!

:Brieffromnativea:
Returner
User ID: 997
United States
09/24/2010 04:52 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Things to do while jury selection is underway:

1) Mouth every word spoken by any member of the Court. Do so silently. Also mimic their facial expressions.
2) Periodically lift your right hand to your ear, make a mouth with your thumb and fingers, and laugh while your hand tells you jokes. Make shushing noises at it when you are admonished to be silent.
3) Ask the judge why he's not wearing a powdered wig. Indicate you are not convinced he is a real judge. Ask to see identification.
4) When asked if you know the defendant, insist that you ARE the defendant. Demand to know why the Court is entertaining an imposter before breaking into a spirited rendition of "I'm A Yankee Doodle Dandy."
5) Reply to each and every question with a quote from an old episode of 'Dragnet.'
6) Fart loudly during the proceedings. Follow each fart by a bow and a flourish, and brag that 'there's plenty more where that came from, Your Honor.'
mathetes

User ID: 793782
United States
09/24/2010 04:58 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Things to do while jury selection is underway:


3) Ask the judge why he's not wearing a powdered wig. Indicate you are not convinced he is a real judge. Ask to see identification.

 Quoting: Returner 997

LOL! Now that was funny!
For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in.
Wake Up

User ID: 563623
United States
09/24/2010 05:01 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Things to do while jury selection is underway:

1) Mouth every word spoken by any member of the Court. Do so silently. Also mimic their facial expressions.
2) Periodically lift your right hand to your ear, make a mouth with your thumb and fingers, and laugh while your hand tells you jokes. Make shushing noises at it when you are admonished to be silent.
3) Ask the judge why he's not wearing a powdered wig. Indicate you are not convinced he is a real judge. Ask to see identification.
4) When asked if you know the defendant, insist that you ARE the defendant. Demand to know why the Court is entertaining an imposter before breaking into a spirited rendition of "I'm A Yankee Doodle Dandy."
5) Reply to each and every question with a quote from an old episode of 'Dragnet.'
6) Fart loudly during the proceedings. Follow each fart by a bow and a flourish, and brag that 'there's plenty more where that came from, Your Honor.'
 Quoting: Returner 997


laugh
anonymous coward
User ID: 1098503
United States
09/24/2010 05:01 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
This stinks like I may be put on a damn federal jury...
Just my luck I'd be sequestered and have some bullshit case like Lindsay Lohan that ties me up for weeks.

Plus!

I have to drive 75 miles to get to the court...

And!

I have to report there by 8:00 AM!

Ain't that the shit!
 Quoting: Perry Mason 1109071

75 miles that's bullshit indeed. i would be pissed. tell them you need a ride lol.
Alxander Raven

User ID: 1109068
United States
09/24/2010 05:02 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Show up with your brown bag lunch, individually wrapped carrot sticks, bread slices, Oreos and a tin foil ball of tuna fish.
Plaid hat with ear flaps, plaid jacket.
Praise Jesus loudly and often - especially when He is speaking to you.
The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.
Alxander Raven

User ID: 1109068
United States
09/24/2010 05:03 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Hey - I like that Returner!

Maybe he should just show up and confess straight away.

Last Edited by Alxander Raven on 09/24/2010 05:04 PM
The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.
anonymous coward
User ID: 1098503
United States
09/24/2010 05:03 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Just tell them that you read GLP everday. You'll get tossed off the panel right away.

machobird
 Quoting: machobird 1097799

1rof1 that will work for sure. good idea.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1108261
United States
09/24/2010 05:06 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
"He must be guilty. I mean, the cops arrested him didn't they? So he is guilty. I mean why do we even have to talk about it, lock him up!"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1108641
United States
09/24/2010 05:15 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
When they ask does anyone have any questions.

Raise your hand. Ask this:


Will you explain jury nullification?



--
[link to www.friesian.com]


BTW: they don't like that word or concept they want the jury to know about this
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1108641
United States
09/24/2010 05:18 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
When they ask does anyone have any questions.

Raise your hand. Ask this:


Will you explain jury nullification?



--
[link to www.friesian.com]


BTW: they don't like that word or concept they want the jury to know about this
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1108641


wink wink
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1108641
United States
09/24/2010 05:21 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
When they ask does anyone have any questions.

Raise your hand. Ask this:


Will you explain jury nullification?



--
[link to www.friesian.com]


BTW: they don't like that word or concept they want the jury to know about this
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1108641



From the link

"I was summoned for jury duty some years ago, and during voir dire, the attorney asked me whether I could obey the judge's instructions. I answered, "It all depends upon what those instructions are." Irritatingly, the judge asked me to explain myself. I explained that if I were on a jury back in the 1850s, and a person was on trial for violating the Fugitive Slave Act by assisting a runaway slave, I would vote for acquittal regardless of the judge's instructions. The reason is that slavery is unjust and any law supporting it is unjust. Needless to say, I was dismissed from jury duty."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1143123
United States
10/26/2010 08:55 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Wear a T-shirt with fija.org on it.

My guess is the moment the jury clerk sees that shirt, they'll find an excuse to get you out of there... FAST.
weegie

User ID: 1137771
United Kingdom
10/26/2010 10:38 PM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
I once got a summons for jury duty from Houston---over 300 miles away. I ignored it...I figured the doofus I'd sold my car to had left it in my name and was getting tickets. He was my only connection with Houston...and I later got actual tickets from there from when he ran the toll booths without paying. I spent the $5 to register the car as sold to him...and gave them his correct address. Never heard any more.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 781996
United States
05/03/2011 01:00 AM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
What if you show up drunk?
Will they arrest you for being drunk in a public place?
superdave

User ID: 1271191
United States
05/03/2011 01:03 AM
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Re: Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)
Good thing we execute people these days...

You could have ended up on the Osama trial!!!!

Jury Duty for 8 years lol





GLP