Damn-I just got a summons for Jury Duty in the United States District Court! (Federal)

just say "not guilty" every time something is asked from you.

might be interesting....

75 miles! 8:00 :wtf:

Just tell them that you read GLP everday. You'll get tossed off the panel right away.

machobird

That will backfire if the defendant's attorney asks you something...

Things to do while jury selection is underway:

1) Mouth every word spoken by any member of the Court. Do so silently. Also mimic their facial expressions.
2) Periodically lift your right hand to your ear, make a mouth with your thumb and fingers, and laugh while your hand tells you jokes. Make shushing noises at it when you are admonished to be silent.
3) Ask the judge why he's not wearing a powdered wig. Indicate you are not convinced he is a real judge. Ask to see identification.
4) When asked if you know the defendant, insist that you ARE the defendant. Demand to know why the Court is entertaining an imposter before breaking into a spirited rendition of "I'm A Yankee Doodle Dandy."
5) Reply to each and every question with a quote from an old episode of 'Dragnet.'
6) Fart loudly during the proceedings. Follow each fart by a bow and a flourish, and brag that 'there's plenty more where that came from, Your Honor.'

LOL! Now that was funny!

75 miles that's bullshit indeed. i would be pissed. tell them you need a ride lol.

Show up with your brown bag lunch, individually wrapped carrot sticks, bread slices, Oreos and a tin foil ball of tuna fish.
Plaid hat with ear flaps, plaid jacket.
Praise Jesus loudly and often - especially when He is speaking to you.

Hey - I like that Returner!

Maybe he should just show up and confess straight away.

Last Edited by Alxander Raven on 09/24/2010 05:04 PM

that will work for sure. good idea.

"He must be guilty. I mean, the cops arrested him didn't they? So he is guilty. I mean why do we even have to talk about it, lock him up!"

When they ask does anyone have any questions.

Raise your hand. Ask this:


Will you explain jury nullification?



--
[link to www.friesian.com]


BTW: they don't like that word or concept they want the jury to know about this

wink wink

From the link

"I was summoned for jury duty some years ago, and during voir dire, the attorney asked me whether I could obey the judge's instructions. I answered, "It all depends upon what those instructions are." Irritatingly, the judge asked me to explain myself. I explained that if I were on a jury back in the 1850s, and a person was on trial for violating the Fugitive Slave Act by assisting a runaway slave, I would vote for acquittal regardless of the judge's instructions. The reason is that slavery is unjust and any law supporting it is unjust. Needless to say, I was dismissed from jury duty."

Wear a T-shirt with fija.org on it.

My guess is the moment the jury clerk sees that shirt, they'll find an excuse to get you out of there... FAST.

I once got a summons for jury duty from Houston---over 300 miles away. I ignored it...I figured the doofus I'd sold my car to had left it in my name and was getting tickets. He was my only connection with Houston...and I later got actual tickets from there from when he ran the toll booths without paying. I spent the $5 to register the car as sold to him...and gave them his correct address. Never heard any more.

What if you show up drunk?
Will they arrest you for being drunk in a public place?

Good thing we execute people these days...

You could have ended up on the Osama trial!!!!

Jury Duty for 8 years lol