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Dear Red States:

 
Anonymous Coward
07/20/2005 02:56 PM
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Dear Red States:
Dear Red States:

We´re ticked off at the way you´ve treated California, and we´ve
decided we´re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we´re
taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren´t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We
get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole´ Miss.

We get 85 percent of America´s venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get
to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition´s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we´re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
They have kids they´re apparently willing to send to their deaths
for no purpose, and they don´t care if you don´t show pictures of their
children´s caskets coming home.

We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but
we´re not willing to spend our resources in Bush´s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
percent of the country´s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation´s fresh fruit, 95 percent
of America´s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the
U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with
88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red
states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent
believe life is sacred unless we´re discussing the death penalty or gun
laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that
Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe
you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we´re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in
Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
good riddance.

pothead.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
bye bye hi
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Who are we going to get to flip burgers for us?
red oregonian
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Great, now I have to move..and take my weapons with me. When you stupid liberals outlaw guns, don´t come crying to us to protect you from all the gangs, illegal aliens and common criminals murdering, raping and pilaging your perfect little world and welfare freeloaders sucking you dry.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
"and welfare freeloaders sucking you dry."

-------------

I think that you miss the point. The red states are the welfare freeloaders. The blue states pay far more in taxes than they get in government spending. And yet the people in the red states think of themselves as self-sufficient.
von Doom
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Damn, Just when I thought the red state people wouldn´t have to inbreed anymore.

Damn it! Damn it all to Hell!
AC V1.0 (nli)
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
[link to www.princeton.edu]

Just look at the map, it´s NOT Red State vs Blue State, it´s a VAST area of the country with pockets of Blue sprinkled on the coasts
von Doom
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
and then look who shows up
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
I can´t wait for the big homecoming when China starts dropping nukes on the West Coast.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Oh, and if you think ANYONE on the East Coast has ANY interest in forming a union with Calexico, you can suck a big Mexican tool.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
California is just a temporary State, it will be under water in the near future. That leaves you a handful of liberal infested city slums the have been a welfare tax burden on the workers of America for far to long.

Good riddance to you sir, I look forward to our time of prosperity without you.

dance
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Florida´s got the best beaches.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Texas beats California in exports by a few billion. You didn´t know that, did you?
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
We get Hollywood



Good you can have that. yak
AC V1.0 (nli)
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
nice to see you von Dipstick (It of changing IP, moving from library to library again?)

You wanna take issue with the map or just be a prick like you normally are?
von Doom
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Hello IQ 1.0 still lapping at the boots that feed you fellow prickmeister!
StormBear
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Texas did beat California in exprts this year, but as the rest of the economy comes back, healthcare, technology, ag, etc. These industries will puch California back over Texas.

Texas is enjoying a big petrol jump since the war, but their tech sectors have fallen.

[link to www.dallasfed.org]

BTW, the HQ for Texaco/Chevron is on the San Francisco Bay.

If current trends continue, by the end of this year, the economic output of the 10 counties of the San Francisco Bay will make of 30% of the nation´s total GDP.

SRC BEA.gov
AC V1.0 (nli)
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
von Dipshit-

Still guzzling the woo-woo koolaid?
Baerwolfe NLI
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country´s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation´s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America´s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese...


So, let´s see, you guys can get drunk and shit yourselves while the rest of us enjoy the filets, and all other foods on the list. Also, since you guys will be so busy shitting from the lettuce, pineapple and cheese, you will quickly ruin most all of your fresh water resources....so there goes that idea.

Maybe your brilliant scholars from MIT and Harvard can figure something out, but then they are basically one of the reasons this country is in the shitter today - moral decay through over-analysis. They´ll be too busy figuring out how to PC the word "fart."

Boy, nothing better than an over-educated, pseudo-elite that thinks he or she is smarter than they truly are to really turn a society into mush.

I for one can´t wait for you guys to get this thing into gear. Watching your society and culture eventually decay into self-serving barbarism (due to a lack of balance) will be an excellent study ground for my children.

Best of luck!
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Hello! I am from a country called Canada. That is pronounced Can-a-da.

We would be happy to invite those who already knew how to pronounce this name, and the location of said country (ie. those in the blue states) to join us. We have killer beer, and marijuana is about to be decriminalized. We would be happy to welcome the Province of New California!

God Bless The Queen!
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Oooooh ouch, slam dunk the war mongers!~!

lol
paranoid eyes
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
looks like the op really pissed off the drooling inbred who voted for bush a second time. i guess they don´t believe in evolving as a nation let alone as a species. i have noticed bush supporters don´t believe in evolution. they do however believe in noah and his ark. hee hee!
Scythe Wizard
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Um... yeah. You´re all a bunch of fucking idiots. Liberals, conservatives, I don´t give a rat´s ass. Do you realize how fucking stupid you people are, talking about breaking off and forming your own country? Do you fucking realize how insane that very notion is? I don´t care if you were joking. You´ve got your head up your ass, obviously. Pull it out, and get a real grip on things, before we end up having to kill you all for being so moronic and stop you from fucking everything up.

You want to know who the real enemies are? They´re Red, but they´re not States, fuckball. You´d better figure it out real soon, or we´re all going to be speaking Mandarin.

dumbass
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:13 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
Blue States have 92 percent of the nation´s fruits. 5a

Well I guess this one is true.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 485668
United States
10/02/2008 12:28 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
oh my!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 66100
United States
10/02/2008 12:34 AM
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Re: Dear Red States:
This is why folks hate elitists. Save us the secession and just move to Canada.





GLP