!! Christmas Jokes!! I'll start....

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York two days before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your holidays, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

His son screams back, "Pop, what are you talking about?"
The father says, "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer and are calling it quits. We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting a divorce," she shouts, "I'll take care of this!".

She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father. "You are NOT getting a divorce. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?".

The old man hangs up the phone and walks into the living room. His wife looks up from her knitting and smiles.

"The kids are coming for Christmas," he says.

"That's nice", says his wife.

"And they're paying their own way," he says.