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Selected Quotes By Naturyl - For Your Enjoyment And Stupification

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01/11/2011 01:45 AM
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Selected Quotes By Naturyl - For Your Enjoyment And Stupification
Americans are the only people on Earth who don't know that liberalism is a conservative movement.

Americans proudly proclaim "In God We Trust" - it's printed right on Him.

Property is the only form of theft for which offenders are incarcerated in mansions.

"What does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul?" Early retirement.

Which is worse, bankruptcy or death? Americans are defined as those for whom this is a tough question.

"Gambling" is an immoral and illegal activity engaged in by people not qualified for respectable careers in the stock market or insurance.

A philosopher asked, "can God make a rock so heavy He can't lift it?" An economist replied, "is there a market for it?"

What is social conditioning? Paying to subscribe to cable TV and never wondering why you still have to watch ads.

What is cultural brainwashing? Discussing the virtues of American Freedom with your boss.

Capitalism is the system in which a rising tide lifts all boats, just like a tsunami.

American liberals are like tennis balls - green on the outside, with nothing on the inside.

It may come as a shock to you, but at some point, building a sustainable culture has to involve refusing to spend 40 hours a week sustaining the unsustainable one.

Of course there's a difference between slavery and employment! Slaves had free housing and health care.

Capitalism is the black hole into which Earth is collapsing.

Capitalism is the greatest system ever devised by monkeys.

In America, credit score is now character score. "By their loans, ye shall know them."

Had Dr. Strangelove warned of an evil *capitalist* plot to steal our precious bodily fluids, he would have been hailed as the inventor of employment-based drug screening.

A financial planner is someone who helps you figure out how to control as large a share of the Earth's limited resources as you possibly can before you die.

A banker is someone you trust to steal your money.

Getting a bank loan is easy. If you ask a bank to rob you blind, they won't talk you out of it.

Credit cards are deceptively named. If the issuers really gave you any credit, they wouldn't offer you one.

In most American families, resources are held in common and shared according to need. But all Americans know that communism doesn't work.

Using the Soviet Union to discredit socialism is like using David Hasselhoff to discredit singing.

In order for education to solve our problems, it ought to actually exist.

What's the difference between college and vocational school? About $20,000 a year.

Some people want to go to college and get an education. But why look for gold in a coal mine?

If you want to attend the largest and best institution of higher education in the world, get a library card.

College is a wonderful learning environment in which eager young scholars study anything that doesn't matter.

American Democracy is the system in which you get to vote to starve your fellow man.

America is the land of the free and the home of the brave! Tell your boss and don't be late!

School is where education goes to die.

Mussolini defined Fascism as "the merger of state and corporate power." The American term for this is "Congress."

Modern society is a cultural arrangement in which the worst are first.

If you like progress, thank a complainer. Nothing improves until someone points out a problem.

Progress is what happens in spite of human efforts to advance.

The oil-based economy is an economy of death. Literally.

There are several ways to become an American. Immigration, naturalization, and in the case of "Native Americans," smallpox.

An "Indian" is a misnamed aboriginal tribesman. A "Native American" is an insultingly-named one.

If "Columbus Day," why not "Hitler Day?" Maybe the Fuhrer should have bought himself a boat.

Dennis Kucinich was laughed out of the 2008 presidential race because he saw a UFO - but I'd rather see a UFO than a CEO.

Franklin Roosevelt gave me food. Lyndon Johnson gave me medicine. And it's a good thing he did, because all Barack Obama gave me was heartburn.

American education: a system in which Tony Danza is an exceptional enough teacher to get his own show.

America is the greatest society on Earth because it's now the only society on Earth.

There are two types of people - those who have to deal with change, and those who are dead.

The Bible is a fantastic new book about how Jesus wants Americans to have lots of money.

What's the sum of weed + greed? American Libertarianism.

Planet Earth: Love it or leave it.

If you want to do nothing with your life, get a job.

A drunk is someone whose tolerance for alcohol is greater than his tolerance for society.

There is nothing worse than child abuse, which is why kids need work permits.

Smoking is the most dangerous thing you can do to yourself other than showing up for work, and the second thing you should quit.

Vow of Poverty: the reason American monasteries do not exist.

Everyone believes professional wrestling is fake and politics is real, but the opposite is closer to the truth.

Sorry world, but the tests came back: Your economic growth is malignant.

Planet Earth needs a bailout, because it's too big to fail.

"Green business" is a lot like "jumbo shrimp."

The Lord loves a working man, but the rich love him more.

America: Where health care is a privilege, not a right - unlike gun ownership.

The rich find great value in a lifetime of service performed for their benefit by the working class. Great humor value, that is.

Everybody gets the Nat they deserve.