Cracking the Davinci Code...WTF?

OK...so I just watched the documentary. I cant find a youtube offering in English.

I have had a few red wines so I'm thinking I missed something BUT the info I got from this was;

a) Jesus was bisexual and Peter was jealous of Mary...and he couldnt understand why Jesus would kiss her on the mouth. So Peter must have thought Jesus was totally homosexual and THAT was why he was following him regardless of what he actually said.

b) Mary Mag was rich, a talker, an Oprah type figure and Ethiopian..ie black....and Jesus's GF. The Catholic Pope changed their opinion that Mary was a prostitute in 1969.

c) In The Last Supper painting. There is a disembodied hand behind Peters back wielding a knife HOWEVER I paused that for quite a while and it looks to me that there is another figure painted out (merged with Peters blue robes) in yellow robes that is holding the knife NOT Peter.

d) Leonardo was gay or bisexual to say the least and didnt like the idea of Christianity...he didnt like anybody really...just liked to paint and John the Baptists finger.

If all the above is not true...please tell me what I missed?